Archives for 2023

Normally, being told I’m a failure is not upsetting to me, for without failure there would be no trips to get ice cream to make me feel better.

What I’d really like to know is what  MAILER-DAEMON means?  But I refuse to Google it; I have my pride!

Has anybody seen Caesar?  He’s not answering his iPhone.
Should I be worried?

A question you have asked yourself a thousand times, what are the nutrients found in the product label?  I’ll tell you.  The label breaks down the amount of calories, carbs, fat, fiber, protein, and vitamins per serving of the food contained in the package.  But that is not the whole story.  So for those that are not too timid or afraid, let’s go beyond the superficial information the government requires.  Come with me and explore the dark underbelly of nutritional information.  For us seekers of the truth, there is the Nutritional Density Rating (NDR) of Powerhouse Fruits and Vegetables.

If nutritional density was your main concern when preparing a salad would you opt for spinach or watercress?  Spinach?  WRONG!!
#1 on the NDR list is watercress with a rating of 100, followed closely by #2, Chinese cabbage at 91.99.   Spinach doesn’t even enter the list until #5 with an NDR of 86.43.

What else does the government not want you to know? 

A quote from Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, author of, The Physiology of Taste.  From this quote came the saying, “You Are What You Eat.” 
If that’s true, then serve me a combo-platter of Lottery Winning, Well-Endowed, Ruggedly Handsome and Incredibly Virile Stew…and a six-pack of Abs.

And some curly fries.

Haha!  I’ll bet that pissed off a few of you. But I was just kidding so forgive me.
What I meant to say was, “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for President!!”“

Better?

In this week’s AARP email, associate editor Neil Wertheimer shares the secrets of achieving a 57% discount on groceries; information kept from the general public, I assume, by greedy CEOs who place corporate profits ahead of the public welfare.  Mr. Wertheimer’s tale of securing groceries that would retail for $350.00 at the incredible price of $200.00 gives me hope that eradicating world hunger is a real possibility.  Let me share a few of his mind-blowing suggestions:

1. Use Digital coupons.
2. Use in-store flyer coupons.
3. Opt for store brands.
4. Scour the shelves for members only and manager’s specials.
5. Go to multiple stores, (he visited 4), including an Asian Market where he finds cheaper produce. 

I hope he is altruistic enough to share these life-altering suggestions worldwide; even with people who cannot afford to pay the AARP annual membership fee. Let your mind grasp the possibilities and dream of a better world where Bangladesh would no longer need a Mother Teresa; Somali pirates would hang up their hooks and eyepatches to run fishing charters and Haiti might get its first Walmart!
Neil Wertheimer: A hungry world salutes you!

Note to Dr. Sheldon Cooper:  Yes, this is sarcasm.

They published another list.  The proverbial “they” that always has something compelling to say that “we” all accept without question.  This they happens to be a website called “Wallethub.”

Wallethub published a list of the  182 happiest cities in America.  The list is based on 3 criteria: emotional & physical well-being, income & employment, community & environment.  What interests me is not the list itself, but the fact that the state in which I live, Oregon, green and beautiful, only has 1 city listed and it comes in at 132.  The city, Salem, is about 30 miles away from where I live.

Happiness is the illusory state we all seek but few, present company excepted, find.  I am a happy guy and wish to spread the joy.  I have decided to set an intention to increase Oregonian’s level of happiness one citizen at a time.  I am working on a short script with high-impact,  hoping to quickly change minds resulting in a ground-swell of happiness.  What do you think?

SCRIPT (3rd Draft:)
Hi (Insert gender specific familiar form of address, i.e. Blondie, Babe or Bro):
“Would you like to join our movement and make a commitment to being happy? “
(If the answer is yes): “Thank you.  Have a nice day!”
(If the answer is no):  Why not? (wait for answer or if they try to walk away block their path):
“How about if I punch you in the freakin’ face you contumacious cretin!  Would that change your mind; make you happy?”

Short, to the point, impactful.  It might work.  I mean what’s the downside?

That’s all we hear from all our politicians these days.  Fear is the capital that buys them votes.
“Be Afraid”
“Build a Wall”
“The Russians are going to start WWIII.  “The Chinese are unleashing viruses”
“The spooky liberals, (You know, those evil radical mutants that think the rich should pay taxes like everyone else and government should be concerned with all citizens), are going to take over and we will become socialists!”
“Vote for us, fascism is a much better option!”

News Flash!  If you think buying into the fear-mongering by voting for some gun-toting slime bag that wants to ban books and control women’s bodies will  make you feel any safer, you are wrong.  Fear breeds greater fear.  You need to take a lesson from Sara Bareilles and show us “How big your brave is.” (Is she really referring to brave when asking about size?).  Making the conscious decision to resist fear is a personal choice.

I love movies yet it has been over three years since I have been in a movie theater.  I know many see them as a super-spreader of the virus or a gathering spot for mass-shooter victims, but I think we all need to make the decision to get back to normal; be brave, venture out to the movie theaters and then stop for a frozen yogurt (with sprinkles)!

You will let me how that goes, right?

This is the title of an article I read from Food and Wine.  #12 on the list was Chicken Nuggets.
My question is how can someone who calls them self a chef serve chicken nuggets?  Unless, of course, it is accompanied by a Cilantro-Lime Chimichurri, nestled in a creamy bed of Mashed Potatoes and Leeks with Lime and washed down with an amusing Chardonnay.

Now those nuggets would have a place on any Michelin Starred restaurant menu.

For those of my friends from the training industry you may remember a program on teamwork titled “Lessons from Geese.”  It seems we can look to our feathered friends for lessons in love as well.

Geese are one of the species of animal that mate for life in the wild.  Blossom, a goose living at Iowa’s Riverside Park Cemetery, lost her mate and became morose.  The General Manager Dorie Tammen placed an ad in the local paper:  “Lonely, widowed domestic goose seeks life partner for companionship and occasional shenanigans.  I’m youthful, adventurous, and lively, and I’ve been told I’m beautiful.”

Enter Deb and Randy Hoyt.  They responded that they were host to a similarly lonely widower goose, Frankie.  Introductions were made, nature took its course and Blossom and Frankie have been inseparable since.

Humans behave similarly at times, but quite often with a slight twist.  People find a second companion and form an intimate bond like the Blossom and Frankie.  The difference in humans being that sometimes they are still married and their spouse is very much alive.