Archives for 2023

A language development test’s findings concluded that the average dog has about the same intelligence and mental abilities as that of a 2 year old child. Average dogs can learn over 150 words, including signals and gestures. 

And yet a certain ex-president with a vocabulary twice as large as an average dog cannot understand 2 words, you lost!

     New York City Mayor Eric Adams welcomed the newly appointed Rat Czar Kathleen Corradi at an event on Wednesday.  As the City-Wide Director of Rodent Mitigation, Ms. Corradi’s primary focus will be working with government agencies, community organizations and other groups to crack down on rat populations in the city.
     I hoped that since the biggest rodent family in New York had moved to Florida this position could have been eliminated.

Two Florida Rodent jokes in one week.  I’m on fire…Bazinga!
(Dr. Sheldon Cooper could not make the interjection “Bazinga” catch on with his zillions of fans.  Perhaps it will find new life here?)

I think Minka Kelly’s new Memoir Tell Me Everthing poses one big question above all others: “Who the hell is Minka Kelly?”
Hey Minkie:  Most of us had crappy childhoods and we don’t go whining about them 20 years later for money! 

Although, on second thought…If someone really wants to pay me to hear about mine, bring cash, tissues and have a seat…(and snacks; bring Ritz crackers and Yoohoo).

I was channel-hopping desperately trying to find something to watch that did not have gun fights, explosions or car chases.  I came across a show that I took to be an experimental film.  It featured 6 women, obviously not professional actors, talking about relationships.  I found the dialogue scintillating and then, as the plot revealed itself, realized this was a slumber party, friend gathering to share experiences.  As the discussions got more intimate tempers flared and the discussion devolved into what can only be described as a cerebral “bra and panty tickle fight.”  

Apparently by mistake two of the women had ordered pizzas and when two different deliverymen showed up the ladies did not have the money to pay.  This is where the film fell apart for me.  As they went back into the bedrooms, ostensibly to negotiate alternative payment, I switched channels.  I’d rather watch car chases than dry, boring business negotiations.  I guess the new Avant-Garde Cinema is beyond my understanding.

What ever happened to well written, insightful movies like “Plan 9 from Outer Space?”

The Moroccan Jews are known for Mimouna, the exuberant festival held on the evening and day after Passover.  And as with most Jewish holidays, fabulous food is an integral part of the celebration.** 1
Mimouna is derived from the Arabic word for wealth and good fortune (literally “protected by God,” ma’amoun).  Since Passover is the beginning of the new agricultural year, it is a time to pray for plentiful crops, a symbol of general prosperity.

I had the honor of attending a Mimouna celebration at the home of a dear Moroccan friend.  While all the food was delicious I was particularly taken with the Tref Popovers; bacon-wrapped shrimp with feta cheese and beef sweetbreads.  Yum!  Happy Mimouna!

**1: A notable exception to this is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, where devout Jews fast for 24 hours and the not so devout simply don’t eat where anyone can see them.  There is a growing school of thought that Chinese food may be exempt and consumption allowed on this day because a half-hour after you eat it you are hungry again. 
(This joke is wrong on so many levels and if you understand the Chinese food reference you are at least 70 years old.)

The Beaver was a popular answer but incorrect.  It is actually the Capybara.  The Capybara is twice as big—the largest rodent on Earth.  These impressive semi-aquatic mammals are found throughout much of northern and central South America.
Recently a small invasive population has been seen in Florida, (I did NOT make it up; it is fact).

The invasive Floridian rodents have been nicknamed The Trumps.  (OK, for that one I may have difficulty providing a credible source).

White Chocolate contains no cocoa particles.  It’s made from milk products, vanilla, lecithin, cocoa butter, and sugar so it is not real chocolate.  White chocolate was first launched in Europe by the Swiss company, Nestle, which makes sense since they produce the worst chocolate bar ever, the Crunch Bar.  

To be fair, I’ll admit growing up I occasionally drank Nestles Quick in my milk, but only when Bosco was not available.  Bosco Rules!

This is science people!  I have no time to quote studies and experts as we can all agree I am an expert on just about everything, (Linda’s words…not mine).

Current wisdom reasons that studying the arts, reading poetry, listening to music or letting art flow over you has a measurable effect on brain structure.  It may allow the brain to better focus by creating new synapses and pathways.  It can clarify to reason and make better decisions.

Additionally time spent reading poetry or listening to music is time not wasted poisoning your brain listening to the egregious lies and insane rhetoric spewed by the scum-sucking bottom-feeders that populate Fox News.

The very definition of Win-Win!

How do I describe this incredible, life-changing fingernail finish; sheer, pearlescent, transparent gloss yet opaque?  I’m not alone in my joy. Google trends show an influx in search around “milky manicures” and “milky nail polish colors.” On TikTok, videos hashtag #milkywhitenails have over 118 million views.

I think author Konnie Huq had this backwards.  A problem shared is a problem doubled.  Keep it to yourself!

It’s not the first time Konnie has reversed the order of things.  Look at how she spells her name.  Everyone knows U comes after Q!  She should be Konnie Hqu.  But she is British and they are terrible spellers, always mixing up their Zs and S’s.  Who taught the British how to speak English?

It’s a good things I am here to explain things or life might get really complicated.