If you are looking for work and partial to any of these you are in luck. All three positions are immediately available. Basic requirements per postings on LinkedIn.
- Missionary Position: The position is available in Calcutta, India. Duties include the giving up of all personal possessions, ministering to the poor, washing others feet, living at the bare subsistence level and sacrificing all forms of worldly pleasure until death when you will reap your much deserved rewards. Must be available immediately. Fugitives and republicans welcome.
- Cowgirl Position: Must be familiar with a cow’s udder and be able to massage a teat to rapidly extract milk. Those skilled at mucking a stall and spreading hay with a pitch fork will receive priority interviews.
- Doggy Style: Minimum requirement is a Bachelor’s Degree in dressing canines from an accredited fashion school. Candidates with experience in European pet style trends are highly regarded. Must be physically able to be on your hands and knees for extended periods of time.
Please email for more details. Résumés with graphic photos attached are always appreciated.