I read this an article, “What Not to Store in the Attic” in Better Homes and Gardens. I know what you are thinking. What is a macho guy like me doing reading a woman’s magazine? Well wake up America, we are a much more fluid society and I am not afraid to get in touch with my feminine side. Besides, I am retired and have a little extra time. I prefer to spend my day following Linda around and keeping her entertained, but she has suggested that it is ok for me to cultivate other interests that do not require I am with her all day…every day. She has always sacrificed for me. You see why I love her?
Anyway, their list is quite pedestrian; all things you know intuitively, candles and crayons that melt, fabric that gets eaten by moths, books and holiday decorating items that get dry and act as kindling and flammables that can turn your home into a 5 alarm nightmare. So what do you keep in an attic? I don’t have an attic but I did some research and the following list is what some celebrities keep in their attic:
- Michael Jackson – Kept cases of Left-handed gloves.
- Jeff Bezos – An extra 20 0r 30 billion dollars in case he is ever forced to pay income tax.
- Ron DeSantis – His milk of human kindness (gone sour in the heat and humidity).
- Jeffrey Dahmer – Spare parts.
- Taylor Swift – Voodoo Dolls of Katy Perry, Kanye West (I know) and Nicki Minaj.
- Elon Musk – The tons of ego he can’t fit on his abbreviated frame.
- D.J. Trump – Prepaid FedEx document envelopes addressed to Russia and North Korea.
- The Kardashians – Any talent they may possess. I am not sure it’s in the Attic but it’s nowhere else to be seen.
- George Clooney – Briefcases filled with $1m…Never mind. He is just too dreamy to make fun of!
If you know any of these people and I’m wrong please let me know. It is always my aim to be 100% accurate…