Today I began a two-day liquid diet and fast dedicated to seeking world peace, but more so for a mysterious medical procedure I must endure. I just tacked on the world peace to impress the ladies!
Yes, on Tuesday, November 5th, while those who have not yet voted decide if America will remain the land of the free or make a hard right turn towards totalitarianism, I will be undergoing an intricate medical procedure. Decorum and common sense prevent me from telling you the procedure’s name or any specifics relating to this once every 5 years event.
For those of you that are curious as to what could convince me to not eat for 60 hours prior to the gastroenterologist having his way with me, I will give a few hints. It begins with a co and ends with a py. I will get a butt-load of anesthesia prior to starting. You can eliminate any thought it relates to my heart. I don’t want to be an ass or seem too cheeky, but the MiraLAX Company sent me a thank you note after I bought most of the available cleansing powder. The Doctor’s seat will not be the only stool in the operating room. This event may go down in the anals of medical research due to its difficulty. The Nurse asked what music I’d like and being a huge Van Morrison fan I asked them to play “Brown-Eyed Girl” in the operating room. If you haven’t figured it out by now it would be a solid waste of time to continue trying.
None of this matters. I have no problems that couldn’t be fixed by a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato bisque soup…and world peace!