I don’t make this stuff up. Well, this one I didn’t!
A Colorado grocery store worker has been charged with several counts of indecent exposure after police allege he masturbated on food items. Following his arrest in February, police say further investigation revealed that the offender worked at a Safeway grocery store and allegedly ejaculated onto food items during the two months he worked at the store.
Safeway, in an attempt to mitigate the damaging press reports tried to put a positive spin on the situation with some creative advertising. Their ad included the following offers:
- An extra shot of all-natural protein in our smoothies!
- Twofer on “Different Strokes” Bamboo Shoots.
- BOGO Ladies Day on cucumbers, bananas and Polish sausage.
- Fingerling potatoes, 2 lbs. for a dollar.
- Introducing “Happy Ending” Cream Pies from our bakery!
- “Get Your Nut Here!” special: 1/2 price peanuts, walnuts and Macadamia nuts.
“Just do it!”
(Okay, some of that might have been made up)