Yeah, it’s me, the one they whisper about in libraries around the world. Well, of course they whisper, they’re in a library. But if they were out in the street they would still only speak in low and somber tones about me; the man, the myth, the legend, Mickey Booker, Library Detective.
Where I hang my hat, if I wore hats, which I don’t, would be on a hat rack located in The Big Apple. I was born in The Bronx and have rarely strayed more than a few zip codes from where I began. As a library detective; others might say the library detective, I never had much time to travel. With over 90 branches, 4 research libraries and 55 million items in their inventory, the New York Public Library system keeps me pretty busy. I work out of the main branch on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan where they alone watch over two and a half million books. That adds up to more open cases than even a seasoned gumshoe, like myself, can handle. But I will not sleep until every case, like every book, is closed. Of course, that’s metaphorically speaking. We have to sleep, but mine will be troubled!
Smart kid like you can get why NYC gets thousands of requests for my services from libraries around the world. They all want the best. I take a look-see at all of them but never go. There is plenty to keep me busy here and I never had much wanderlust that couldn’t be satisfied with a book. Also it was pretty standard stuff; missing books, expired cards and irregularities some call “Human Error.” And, of course, the most disgraceful and heinous act of nefarious library criminals, the defacing of books!
You can imagine my surprise when I received a request from the LINCC, Libraries in Clackamas County, Oregon. I’d never made it as far west as Chicago let alone all the way to the shores of the Pacific. But they had an unusual problem that I’d heard about in the past but had never seen firsthand. Some mug was keeping his, or her, place in the book by bending the corners. My blood starts to raise to 212 degrees Fahrenheit just thinking about it! Well I was buried in cases and did not want to face telling my girl Mabel I’d be hitting the road and have to miss our 1 month anniversary party at the local Slice n’ Suds next Tuesday. But a creep defacing books in this way was too much for me to resist. We cleared it with NYC and LINCC, threw a few unmentionables in a backpack and was on my way to what we call the “Worst Coast.”
I chose the branch at Wilsonville, Oregon to be my home base. The entire system all share books so we didn’t know if the crimes were perpetrated by one person from a specific branch or perhaps there was a whole gang working together. Could even be worse; a copycat criminal! I never heard of Wilsonville but it sounded nice, like a small backwoods village in the hills of Oregon. My dreams were shattered when we hit crushing city traffic in from the airport. No matter, I had a job to do and that was the only reason I was there.
Next morning I arranged to meet the Chief Librarian at the branch at 10:00AM sharp. I liked to see the looks of awe and amazement when the staff sees me and realize it is, in fact, the real Mickey Booker. But the Librarian had arranged to meet me alone. This was to be a covert job, completely anonymous. I got it right away.
She introduced herself as Paige Turner. She had a welcoming smile and greeted me warmly. I knew I wasn’t in NYC anymore. Paige mused that my name was kind of ironic for a library detective. I don’t get why she thinks the name Mickey is ironic; maybe if I worked at Disneyland, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. There was someone out there defacing books. Time to get the wheels rolling before the trail gets cold.
Paige handed me a sheet. Here is a list of thirty-four books we found with bent corners. When I took this case I had the branches start checking every return item for bent corners. Of course we had no way to be sure the person returning the book this time was the culprit. The corners might have been bent days, weeks, months or years ago. But if it was easy to figure out they wouldn’t need me and I’d be home with Mabel washing a slice of pepperoni pizza down with a mug of suds.
After I perused the list for about an hour and made some notes, Paige introduced me to the two volunteers assigned to help me root out the culprit; Bess Sellers, and Hardin Cover. My friends just call me Hard he said shaking my hand.
This is a big case so I hit them with the high-impact motivational speech that took me years to develop. Bess, Hard: Time is money, the clock is ticking and there is no time to lose; we need to strike while the iron is hot. When the going gets tough, the tough get going! I saw by their blank stares they were stunned and my speech hit the bullseye. They were my team. I need you both to take these directions and spend the next few days checking out the shelves of all the libraries in the system. Above all, be discreet. We can’t let the evil forces at work to know what we are doing; the stakes are too high!
We got to work on the lists and by weeks end had added another fifty-three books to the defaced corners list. With a total of eighty-seven titles we had gained the critical mass needed to put together a suspects list.
At this point you see where the investigation is going. I am afraid I can’t get in to more of the details. I worked too long to build my reputation to give away every one of my investigation techniques. Next thing you know a flood of wanna-be library detectives will appear on the scene and it’s the end for old-fashioned masters, like myself, who consider themselves as much artist as detective. We’re not here solely to make a buck, although a buck is good. Artists also have to pay the rent.
I can tell you this much. Basically by checking records, using GPS coordinates, Google Earth, plus some basic boots-on-the-ground detective work, I found a suspect. We zeroed in on a local 6th grade teacher and calling ahead as is only polite, Paige Turner and I made an appointment to confront the teacher. I was ready to throw the book at her, (that’s detective talk for sending her to prison for a good, long stretch). Paige thought perhaps we could just talk to her and straighten things out. We need good teachers and everything I discovered about Lexi Conn said she is one of the best.
We walked into her room, a delightful space with books, bright colors and wall posters extolling the virtues of reading. Ms. Conn said I’ve been expecting you but not so soon and held out her hand like she was expecting me to clap on the bracelets, what we detectives call handcuffs, but she was only offering a handshake. You came so quickly. I only mailed the letter yesterday.
Letter, I thought? You knew we’d find you I sneered. She smiled and replied that she assumed it would be easy since she sent a letter to Paige apologizing. My class goes to the library a lot as we make reading our top priority. I discovered one of our boys taught everyone to bend the pages as his family taught him. One student, Brooke Marks, realized it was wrong and alerted me. We talked and the class decided to dedicate ourselves to finding ways to help and all took a pledge to never again deface a book. If we spot any damage we now report it to the librarian immediately.
Not what I expected but I am a sucker for a happy ending. That evening I said my goodbyes to the staff and was warmly thanked as they wished me safe travels; something that would never happen in Gotham City, by the way. People are way nicer here, it kind of gives me the creeps. With a nod and a thumbs up I headed to the airport to get back to the raucous crowd in the city that never sleeps. Maybe there was still a chance to take Mabel for a celebration slice.
So if you are out there thoughtlessly underlining words, scribbling notes and bending pages in library books, knock it off or Mickey Booker will find you and set things right. Case Closed!