On this day, August 5, 1957, a new low-budget TV show, American Bandstand, hosted by spooky personality Dick Clark debuted on national TV. In its 32 years on air it never deviated from its winning format, lip-syncing pop stars and modestly dressed teenagers moving to the latest dances like the Fly, Popeye, Swim, Boogaloo, Shingaling, Funky Broadway, Funky Chicken, Hitch-hike, Hustle, Jerk, Locomotion, Monkey, Horse, Twist, Transylvania Twist, Monster Mash, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy on the Side (not only a dance but also a diet tip for those trying to shed a few pounds, and who isn’t?), the Stomp, Bristol Stomp and the Pas De Deux from Swan Lake (this one never reaching the widespread popularity expected) and many, many more. Even I, sophisticated and worldly though I may be, succumbed to the allure of rocking out to American Bandstand. And for those that have had the unfortunate experience of seeing me try to dance though totally bereft of rhythm and grace, may better understand the power of that show.
The real story here is the fact that for the next 55 years until just prior to his death in 2012, Dick Clark did not age. The normal aging process was not visible in pictures between 1957 and 1997. His skin was clear and wrinkle free, beyond anything Oil of Olay ever accomplished. We can rule out a face-lift looking that natural; see Mickey Rourke, John Travolta, Rene Zellweger, Helen Hunt, Daryl Hannah and Courtney Cox (Warning: those prone to nightmares should not view these celebrity images). Satanic intercession, pure and simple.
For those still interested in taking an unnecessary risk to obtain Dick Clark-like results, I hear there is a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, California, doing some amazing work. Contact Dr. B.L. Zebub on Rodeo Drive. He is on all social media or alternatively draw a pentagram on the floor, stand in it at midnight and say his name 3 times. You may get smooth skin but be prepared for a whopping bill that will, someday in the future, come due.