At Last, a true way to control your environment and get a good night’s sleep; the Loftie Lamp. The Loftie can be programmed to gradually light, rising from the bottom of the base to the top emulating a sunrise. Conversely at the chosen time of night it will gradually dim like a sunset. It acts as a natural alarm clock, gently waking with light rather than a harsh ringing sound, then lull you to sleep with a soft sunset and a cocktail, (alcohol sold separately). The best results are obtained if you have backout curtains in your bedroom so you remain untouched by the natural order of things.
It is tailor-made for the misanthropic individual who hates people and wants to control his own environment. Someone who, as perfect as they may be, cannot suffer fools in government, retail outlets or the doofus next door. And someone who, with 4,000 stations and streaming channels, cannot find a decent television show to watch.
I’ll have 4 sets of blackout curtains and 8 Loftie Lamps. Hasta Luego Baby!