Linda Presents: Fred’s Favorite Inedible Recipes

INGREDIENTS
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP butter
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped bell peppers
1 cup broccoli florets
1 cup mushrooms
1 14.5 oz. can of tomatoes
1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese
Zest and juice of 1 Lemon
Salt and pepper to taste
4 oz. Cooked whole wheat pasta
8 oz. Seafood of your choice

Sauté veggies in olive oil and butter about 5 minutes.  Add tomatoes and continue cooking about 5 minutes
Seafood: With the one notable exception being Sea Cucumbers, Fred pretty much loves any lifeform you can drag from the bottom of the ocean, Salmon, rockfish, shrimp, scallops, gross clams, slimy oysters, vile looking mussels and lobster. Yes, he can be both common and pretentious in food choices).
Sauté fish in a separate pan in butter, garlic salt and paprika for about 3 minutes.
Stir fish and pasta into the veggie sauce and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and pine nuts if you are rich.  Makes 2 large servings so I don’t have to cook dinner the next day.

Alternative Suggestion: Call Uber Eats and get spaghetti from Olive Garden which comes with garlic bread.  Perhaps not gourmet but at least edible.

INGREDIENTS
2 sticks Softened butter
1 cup Brown sugar
1 cup Granulated sugar
1 tsp. Vanilla
2 eggs
3 cups Whole wheat flour.  Yuk, Fred’s choice, not mine!
1 tsp. Salt
1 tsp. Baking soda
3/4 cup  Chopped walnuts

Cream butter with sugars until fluffy.  Add vanilla and eggs 1 at a time and mix until blended.  Add flour, salt and baking soda and mix until it comes together.

Make into balls with a 2-1/2 TBSP (medium) ice cream scoop (if you don’t have one, buy it.  You will thank me later).  Press them down flat on the cookie sheet.  This will make them come out crispy because we all know Fred loves crispy! Add Nuts and Mix well.

Bake at 350 for 13 minutes and thoroughly cool on a rack.  This makes 3 dozen even after you eat a ton of raw cookie dough.

To make them edible for normal people:

•  Throw out the nuts and add chocolate chips.  (Uncle Budd likes milk chocolate)
• Lose the whole wheat flour and use Gold Medal White because I never let “healthy” get in the way of a good recipe.

Eat a dozen or so with full fat milk while watching a movie.  ENJOY!

Charred Bovine with Sautéed Fungus
(Grilled Steak with Mushrooms)

8 oz. Ribeye Steak
1 Tbsp. Olive oil
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
1 Tbsp. Butter
1/4 cup Marsala Wine

Heat skillet to high and add olive oil and green onions.  Sauté about 2 minutes or until onions start to color. (Or as Fred likes to call them, burned to a crisp).  Place ribeye in pan, add mushrooms, garlic salt and pepper if you have no taste buds.  Grill 3 minutes per side for medium.

Set Steak and veggies on a plate to rest.  Add butter to pan and carefully pour in Marsala Wine.  Boil until thickened, about 2 minutes and pour over steak.

Fred insists on at least two additional vegetables and salad. I prefer a grilled cheese on white bread served with sour cream and Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips.  Your choice.

The world is full of horrible forms of animal and vegetable products that, although they turn the stomach of the vast majority of humans, there is always someone, somewhere who will think it’s a delicacy.  And usually that someone is Fred. In this instance we are showcasing “Ickies.”  For our purposes ickies are any organic material that originate inside a chicken and can be consumed by some without immediate regurgitation.  Examples of ickies are gizzards, hearts, liver, skin; things that a thinking, feeling human would immediately reject. 

Ickie Ingredients:
2# chicken gizzards (or substitute hamburger for us wimps)
1 chopped onion
1 cup chopped carrots
1 tbsp olive oil
1 12 oz. can chicken broth

Sauté onions and carrots in olive oil until brown, about 3 minutes.  Add gizzards and continue sautéing for 5 minutes.  Add broth, bring to a boil and then lower heat to low.  Gently boil for 1 hour until soft and broth has reduced by half.  Set aside.

Risotto:
1 cup rice
1 chopped onion
1 14.5 oz. can diced tomatoes
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
2 Tbsp. Butter and Parmesan Cheese

Sauté rice and onions in 1 Tbsp. Olive oil for 4 minutes. Add tomatoes and bring to a boil.  Lower heat to medium and stir in 1 cup of broth and cook until absorbed into rice. Keep adding broth until rice is cooked through.  About 20 min. Total.  Stir in butter and Parmesan cheese.

Serve gizzards over the risotto.  Sprinkle green onions if desired.

I suggest pairing with an amusing bottle of the vintage antacid Pink Pepto Bismol.  Enjoy!

• 1 (14.75 oz.) can of salmon
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup finely chopped onion
• 1/2 cup rolled oatmeal

Drain and reserve juice from salmon.  Mix egg, onion, oatmeal, and salmon together with a fork until a smooth consistency.  If too dry mix in a little of the salmon juice.

Form into 5 patties about the size of a hamburger bun. Sprinkle with a little garlic salt and fresh ground pepper. Coat frying pan with olive oil spray (or olive oil if you want it to actually taste good). When oil it hot, gently place patties in pan.  Brown for 3 minutes on each side, turning very gently.  Drain on paper towels.  Serve on buns with crisp lettuce, tomato and dill pickles.

Adjustment for Fred: Leave the patties in the pan for an extra 3 minutes until they are dry and brittle.  Place on bun toasted dark to the point just a second before it turns to ash.

Serve with a cup of chamomile tea, (the Tea is for me, to settle my stomach).

(Better Alternative: Throw it away, fry bologna instead and serve it on white bread with lots of mayonnaise.  I don’t judge)