Daily Inflammation

On January 6, 2021, the United States Capitol Building in Washington, D.C., was attacked by a mob of supporters of then-U.S. president Donald Trump.  The number of deaths and injuries are a subject of debate but on the lowest end 4 died and well over 100 were injured.  Yet, without any reasonable explanation and in the face of multiple felony indictments too many people still support trump and want him back in office.  Of course racists, white supremacists, billionaires and pedophiles are his biggest fans but Women? Economically disadvantaged?  People of any color other than white?  Only one explanation.

Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux, the French poet and critic (everybody’s a critic these days), who has written countless works, I assume, as none come to mind at the moment, explained it best before he died in 1711.  When his personal psychic and blood-letter foretold of the rising of a great evil force assuming the American presidency on January 20, 2017, Nick uttered the familiar quote:  “Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l’admire.”

In English with the help of Google Translate: “A fool always finds someone more stupid who admires him.”

And Stupid is the kindest thing one can say about a brain-dead moron that thinks Trump should be returned to office. 

The Golden Bachelor is a dating game for senior citizens (reality TV for us chronologically advanced viewers).  This season’s star is getting married.  His name is Gerry Turner and he promises his wedding to his pick of the litter, Theresa Nist, will be a “day filled with joy!”

My guess is it will also be a day filled with Viagra and certain marital aids…not that I would know anything about that being the strong, virile…oh, who am I kidding?
“Enjoy it while you can, Gerry!”

I stumbled across a book in the library, some jerk didn’t pick it up off the floor but now I believe a greater power intervened so that I would find this book titled “Lighten Up” By Peter Walsh.  The cover gives you clues as to Peter’s view of life by informing us he is also the author of “It’s All Too Much” and “Enough Already!”

You can imagine my disappointment when I found out it was not a miracle diet book.  The notes on the cover of “Lighten Up” say, “Love What You Have, Have What You Need, Be Happier With Less.

What a great message this sends to our youth and all people struggling for a better life and to achieve a lofty goal.  It promotes ideas such as:

• Quit trying so hard. You won’t do any better.
• You can’t take it with you so why try to get it.
• Girls, you can achieve great things…in the kitchen.
• Be happy with less as it is still more than you deserve.
• Being kind, courteous and striving to do build a better world through compassion. HA! Enough already.
• Face it.  Daddy didn’t have much so neither will you.

At least that’s what I assume the book is about.  Perhaps I should have read it but there are so many words and no pictures!

Oh Boy, an election year!  I am already inundated with texts and emails from both parties begging for money.

Is it really possible that most of the human beings, and I use the term loosely, we elected to govern our country are fear-mongering, name-calling liars with no other agenda beyond retaining power, self-enrichment and promoting their personal religious views.  And they look us in the eye and say:

• The last presidential election was stolen.
• January 6th, an event where people died, people were injured and our nation’s capitol building damaged, resulted from high-spirited tourists.
• Accusing the other party, whichever one is speaking at the time, of being bent on the destruction of our crumbling nation.
• A narcissistic accused felon sociopath with less value than a cow-pie and no other goal than to channel Adolph Hitler and be dictator for life, is the best choice, out of 300,000,000 people to be president (I left out the bad comb-over part this time because physical attributes are not politically correct).

I believe I was a little over-zealous when it comes to the use of dashes, but hopefully the poor grammatical showing did not detract from imparting my message of despair.  And for you bowlers out there if you missed the strike I hope you get DESPAIR!  (Groan…)

Have a “Politics-Free” day!

Aaron Rodgers, fading but adequate quarterback who reportedly wears a tin foil hat when not playing, said he expects Jimmy Kimmel to be on the list.  The “Epstein list” refers to a slew of court documents that will be gradually unsealed this month and are expected to reveal approximately 150 names of people who are in some way connected to the Epstein court case.  Some Jeffrey Epstein associates may be suspected perverts and pedophiles.  

Kimmel responded: “For the record, I’ve not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Jeffrey Epstein, nor will you find my name on any ‘list’ other than the clearly-phony nonsense list that soft-brained wackos like you (Rodgers) can’t seem to distinguish from reality.”

When asked to respond Aaron Rodgers may have said: “I stand by my statement. Now have some of this delicious candy and get into my van!”

I refuse to take sides in these silly arguments.

A study has determined that the average person abandons their New Year’s resolutions by January 19th.  We all tend to commit in our minds to strict guideline of self-control and extreme physical exertion on the 1st of January when sucking down a box of wine and Twinkies on December 31st.  So this year I have added just a few letters or a word to make them much easier to comply as I have zero benchmarks to meet or exceed.  With the following resolutions I am sure I’ll be good until at least February 14th!  I will, without fail:

• Eat a Healthier Diet.
• Exercise More.
• Stop Always Procrastinating. 
• Be Kinder, Gentler, and Whine Less.
• Wash my hands after using the bathroom.

Have I said too much?

I was thinking about how to describe this difficult year, selfishly thinking only about myself.  A series of Firsts:

• First time spending the night in a hospital (intensive care was a bonus!)
• First time having two nurses intimately examine me looking for the wound/source of a bacterial infection (not the good time you may have imagined).
• Second time spending the night in a hospital.
• First humiliating fall in a public place. (That’s a lie about it being my first fall but it’s the first one I’ll admit to).
• First need for a cane.
• First failed attempt at a C-PAP machine; or as I call it “Claustrophobia in a box.”
• Worst of all the sickening prospect that Adolph Trump might be re-elected.; “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

But there were many highlights as well:

• A short but wonderful visit from dear friends from the Philippines.
• Visits to and from our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
• Linda and I are nearing 50 years of a fairytale romance and  life with my best friend.
• My cousin catching and supplying me with shad roe so Linda could recreate Nero Wolfe’s favorite Dish (a story for another time).
• Family dinners and a wedding.
• My modest investments combined with Social Security sustained us for another year of retirement.
• And remarkably, perhaps the best thing, I am still here!

So before you dismiss 2023 be grateful for the glass being almost full and celebrate friends and family and if you want to end the year with one final act of largess I want you to know I do accept Zelle and wire transfers.  It’s so much nicer to give than receive.  You’re welcome!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

The story goes that in 1959 screenwriter George Seaton visited character actor Edmund Gwenn as he lay on his deathbed.  Seaton, apparently at a loss for words came up with the brilliant statement “this must be terribly difficult for you.”   Gwenn replied, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”

Maybe so, but this is one time I am not taking the easy way out.  When the time comes and I hear the voice telling me to go into the light, I’ll go right into my comedy routine;  “A Priest, a Rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar…” I got a million of the folks! 

Don’t forget to tip your waitress.  I’ll be here all week…I hope!

JOYFUL: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness is the title of a wonderful book by designer Ingrid Fetell Lee. 

Lee has dedicated her career to exploring what she calls “The aesthetics of joy.”    She first became interested in the emotions that certain colors, shapes, and other physical attributes evoke while earning her master’s in industrial design at the Pratt Institute.  Her insights on creating a living space that fosters joy and creativity got me to thinking about how most of our happiness is derived from the simple things in life; that crazy little thing called love, warmth from a hug, lending a helping hand, a call from a grandchild, a kindness to strangers.  Even simpler the soft melody of a lark in spring, a song played on a solo saxophone, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, red roses for a blue lady or the ethereal clink of a prison cell slamming shut behind a traitorous sociopath with a bad comb-over finally getting the justice he so richly deserves.

Perhaps my list of joy needs a little editing?

In this world of double-digit inflation in part a result of rising food prices, one thing has gone down in price: EGGNOG!

So if you are among the select group of bowling alley patrons, trailer park dwellers and chain smokers with fried taste buds that find a mushy glass of cloyingly sweet reconstituted cow juice and chicken eggs to your liking, you will be ecstatic to hear that the price of eggnog has decreased this year.  

I do find eggnog can be very useful.  If I have ingested poison, run out of Syrup of Ipecac and sticking my finger down my throat is not enough to get the desired result, a small swig of eggnog will immediately produce a regurgitation of epic proportions.

Are you catching my drift?  Have I been too subtle?  I do not care for eggnog.