Daily Inflammation

Feeling a little unhinged?  Are you passionate about the fact you are right but know deep down you are wrong?  Tired of listening and believing  thousands of lies when none are ever based in fact or ever prove true?  Actually you do care about other people and are tired of all your actions belying the truth? 

Make one small change: Take off your red MAGA hat, disavow the hate it symbolizes and rejoin the human race.

You did the right thing!

Friend of the elderly, the AARP, sent me this article from their newsletter.  Thins that put you at risk for severe memory problems and possibly a form of dementia are as follows:

1. You Snore
2. You Don’t Floss
3. You Eat Junk Food
4. You Have Trouble Hearing 
5. You Skip Workouts
6. Skipping Eye Exams
7. You Are Not (Oh the Horror!) Regular
8. You Don’t Get Enough Sleep.

I think they missed an important one that takes precedence over the other 8. If you have this one it’s too late, your memory is gone.
      9. You want the 45th President of the United States returned to office.

That’s the title of an op-ed article by Michael S. Johnson on Katy Couric Media.  But who knows who he is and KC Media is an embarrassing bad blog and what an out of work journalist does to earn a buck when she can’t get a real job.  Johnson lists 5 things that will never happen but is really hawking the book he co-wrote on the same subject.  All good ideas that will never happen.

I know how to fix congress in an afternoon.  Get an office on the highest floor of the Capitol Building and defenestrate all disingenuous senators and representatives.  The 11 or so people that retain their office can govern more efficiently.  Problem Solved!

Why won’t anybody listen?

It you did not get your Federal Income Tax filed electronically or get it postmarked by midnight last night, then I have two words for you.

To be clear in my message I refer to the 1984 Thriller, Crimes of Passion and quote the scene where sexually repressed  preacher Peter Shayne (Anthony Perkins), is begging super-hot prostitute by night, China Blue (Kathleen Turner), who by day is Fashion designer Joanna Crane, to kill him before he kills her.  Peter hands China Blue a gun but when she hesitates for a second he grabs the gun back and says “TOO LATE!”

So if you did not file yet, “too late.”   Prepare to pony up an extra 10% to Uncle Sam!

(Yes, I agree.  This was a long way to go for not much of a joke, but why not?  You were on Facebook so, like me, you must have nothing better to do anyway!)

This year an entirely new dimension in spring cleaning is sweeping the nation, “Döstädning” or Swedish Death Cleaning!  Its basic premise is to get rid of all the junk in your home so after you kick the bucket, buy the farm or take a dirt nap, your loved ones will not have the pain of sifting through a lifetime of accumulated things that are of no value to anyone but you. But the wider interpretation is about clearing out all the unimportant clutter in your life that prevents you from experiencing life in full measure.

One of the suggestions is to get rid of anything that no longer brings you joy.  We were doing great and donated several boxes of good used items to the veteran’s thrift shop.  We gave boxes of books, small appliances like the juicer when we did the one-day green juice cleanse, a Thigh-Master, Ab-Roller, Tensolator Bullworker Isometric Exerciser, assorted jump ropes, stretch bands and ball-squeezers…I mean Squeeze balls, a Handy Household Helper that can sharpen a knife, open a can and core a apple (purchased years ago from the Magic Chef O’ the Future). a ton of “skinny clothes” I planned to wear someday including many double knits and Banlon pull-over shirts that will probably come back in style just as I lose enough weight fit back in them. 

I did suggest we take a break when I found Linda packing a suitcase of my clothing from the bedroom closet.  She admitted getting carried away a bit with that thing about ridding yourself of things that no longer bring you joy, but said it was just a joke, a mere jest for its humorous value.  She asked me to tell you she will be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress!

“…Unless it is unpleasant, in which case me will eat a cookie.” Cookie Monster, Sesame Street, U.S.A.

Take a deep breath, become present and have a cookie; perhaps even share one with someone in need.
This Hallmark Moment brought to you by betterfredthandead.com, where snarky cynicism reigns supreme and productive ideas go to die.

The kind spammers at financialbuzz.com/dont-leave-an-inheritanceyaddayadda further jammed my already out of control inbox with the above titled article.  I found this one interesting because I know our three sons are relying on their third of the 3 figure nest egg on which we subsist to carry them through old age.

But I did wonder what the author of the article, Adam Palasciano, had in mind.  He describes himself as a personal finance-obsessed and money-savvy individual who loves to hash out content on all things saving money. He specializes in writing millennial-friendly personal finance content,

Millennial-Friendly says it all.  It is mostly no-duh like “Kids may squander the money,” or dumb like “Taking away their incentive to work,” (a subject in which he is probably well versed.

But reason #11 for not leaving your savings to your kids when you die is the best!  “You may need money in retirement.”   Stupid me, not being a millennial I just assumed after you die your money worries were, for the most part, over.

A better title would have been “15 Stupid Bullet Points Created to Get Me a Payday and Avoid Having to Get a Job or Asking Dad for Another ‘Loan'”

Editor’s Note: This article is an attempt at humor.  Fred sincerely apologizes to millennials for the negative inferences directed at them.  He does not ascribe to the popular notion that millennials are lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents.  He is sure that with careful research one can find a few exceptions to the rule!

“When you face writer’s block, just lower your standards and keep going.” — Sandra Tsing Loh
      My problem is I have no standards or at least none that rise above sea level.  I have recently hidden behind the “Do Nothing” and “Site for Sale” excuses, so I will use today’s space to comply with my annual requirement to qualify as a non-profit enterprise; that is, to impart some universal wisdom to the needy masses flocking to this site for guidance.  If I can make a positive impact on just one person’s life, I will have overshot the mark by one. So here goes:
          “Life is like a flowing river.”  Now go forth, be fruitful and multiply, and using a calculator is acceptable!

(Do you see now?  Writer’s Block!)

I received an email from 30orless.com offering some amazing deals I thought might interest you:

• Philips Norelco OneBlade Intimate Body Groomer & Trimmer $23.99:  I have never seen one of these so perhaps one of you ladies would be so kind as to explain to me how you use it; and in as much detail as possible.
• Adjustable Headrest Car Tablet Holder $17.99:   Seems dangerous to me.  How will you drive and hold the glass of water?  Unless they are chewable take your tablets when not behind the wheel of a car.
• Genuine Dickies Men’s Short Sleeve Coveralls $20.00:  Might be a good deal but I am somehow uncomfortable using Dickie and short in the same sentence.
• The Pioneer Woman 18-Piece Melamine Batter Bowl Set $9.00:  Linda is an expert baker but has never made Melamine for me.  I can’t imagine why you would need 18 bowls for the batter?
• Clinique Happy 3.4 oz. Men’s EDT (eau de toilette) Spray $23.56:  I understand the pheromones released in a man’s sweat can attract the opposite sex but I fail to see how toilet water helps, even if you say it in French!
• DC Comics Batman Mask with Sound and Lights $7.96:  At Last!  A product we can all use!  I need to buy 5 to get free shipping.  Any interest in combining our orders and be one step ahead on what is sure to be the next fashion trend?

Gypsy Rose Blanchard, recently released from 8 years in prison for her part in the murder of her mom, announced she is going under the knife for a nose job and wants the public to “Wish me luck!”
Tori Spelling is letting us in as to the reason she and soon to be ex-husband Dean McSomething-or-other have slept in separate bedrooms for two years.

This sharing of intimate details, aka Crying for Attention, by unremarkable celebrities trying to hold on to their long expired 20 minutes of fame is placing an untenable strain on my fragile psyche.  Enough.

Gypsy…may I call you Gypsy?  You did your time and you don’t need a nose job.  You need a paying job because the world’s fascination with you will be short-lived. The fall will be hard so stay away from knives.
Tori:  Mom is not interested in playing with you, she has a Mahjong game going and “Keeping Up With the Spellings” was rejected by even the Lifetime Channel. The Kardashians still reign supreme on the inexplicable success story circuit.

Let’s all move on.