Daily Inflammation

Qigong (chee-gong), a centuries-old Chinese tradition that involves precise movements to promote overall well-being is easily accessible and enjoyable for practitioners of all levels.  Pranayama, derived from Sanskrit meaning “breath,” focuses on harnessing the energy flow, known as prana, throughout the body to optimize health and vitality.

But before you choose consider this.  As you may have already discerned from past posts I am basically a non-confrontational milquetoast that rides the fence in most matters.  I believe there are positive and negative attributes in all of us and everyone is worthy of being heard (except, of course, in the case of bloody idiots who believe a lying, cheating sociopath deserves to be re-elected president).  But there are times when you must pick a side and own it.

For example, if you were a Kung Fu master who had sailed across the salt to America and landed in Chinatown, San Francisco circa 1870, you would have to make a choice to swear allegiance to either the Long Zii or the Hop Wei Tong.  Your initial choice, of course, would be the Long Zii because its leader, Mai Ling, is as smokin’ hot as a supermodel, while the Hop Wei’s leader is an evil one-eyed tyrant called Father Jun.  But delving further into what is truly important you would soon learn that Madam Ah Toy’s brothel is under the protection of  the Hop Wei.  And had you been paying attention to the Netflix parental warnings at the beginning of Warrior you would have seen violence, smoking, language and nudity!  The clear choice for optimal viewing is the Hop Wei! 

So I ask again you Grasshopper, after careful consideration, Qigong or Pranayama?

I love peaches so much it’s my pet name for Linda.  But I think I’d change the name of this cake like I did when I published the recipes for “Chocolate Pinch-A-Loaf,” “Date-Nut Droppings” and “Cut the Cheese Cake.”

If you don’t get the joke you are way too sophisticated to be reading my infantile posts!

Former adult film star (so I’m told…how would I know?) Stormy Daniels testified that when she had sex with Donald Trump he said she reminded him of his daughter (creepy) and he did not wear a condom!

Somehow I think I could have lived my entire life without knowing that.  I would be more interested if she’d reveal his exclamations during the moment of ecstatic release, (About 30 seconds after entry).  Was it “Yahoo” or “Hasta luego democracy, Hitler’s back?”

Probably more like “ugh” but the romantic in me hopes for more!

Kentucky has 7.5 million barrels of bourbon, about 1.75 barrels per person.  The state produces 95% of the world’s bourbon whiskey.

So if, like me, you wonder how a failed doctor psycho conspiracy theorist and a gutless curmudgeon displaying signs of dementia both became senators, perhaps granny passed out a few of the barrels at the polling place on election day.

Or perhaps that’s what happens when cousins marry?

Have you noticed most politicians and political organizations use fear to influence your vote.  They scare you and then say they are the antidote for whatever the Tragedy du Jour they are touting happens to be?  It’s convenient and effective because it diverts you from the realization they have no plan to fix the real challenges in our country.  Here are a few of the subject lines from recent emails:

• Bank Warning:  Stop using your bank account…
• Pentagon Warns of coming attack by Saudi Arabia
• China’s Sneak Attack on the U.S. Dollar
• Why Retirees Need to Fear This Law
• President Trump “Build a wall, deport them all” (Asshole…Editorial comment, not in email)
• WARNING: Lockdowns are coming!
• UNCOVERED: Chinese plot to destroy the U.S. Dollar (Talk about cutting off your nose. We owe them one trillion of those dollars)

Here are the headlines we should be reading:

• Congress presents bipartisan plan to alleviate hunger in America.
• Senators present joint resolution to assure affordable medical care is available to everyone.
• U.S. Breaks ground on cross-country high-speed rail line.
• {Random Digression: Pitch for a new game show in case any forward thinking television producers read my post: Celebrity Jennifer Bra and Panty Pillow Fight Starring Jennifers Aniston, Lawrence & Lopez}.
• Government funds educational program to read and explains the true meaning of the second amendment to intellectually-challenged gun-nuts who interpret it to mean they can do whatever the hell they want with guns.
• Congress re-affirms separation of church and state.

I get up every morning resolving to take Linda’s advice and “let it go!”  But I have thoughts…

I seem to be on a nostalgia tour of late.  I hope it’s not my life flashing before me…

In 1978 I was working as a sales rep for a trucking company, P.I.E. Pacific Inter-Mountain Express and had a client that shipped a product called “Hospital Booze.” They were I.V. bottles from which you could dispense liquor.  He sold them through Spencer’s Gifts in shopping malls around the country.  Spencer’s Gifts was known for a line of adult products as well.  He developed a board game where you draw cards and then have to do what the card said.  I was at his factory on business and he mentioned he was trying to think of a name for his new game. I suggested a title and after I signed documents guaranteeing I could never ask for another dime I was paid $100.00 for my idea.

So the next time you and your significant other are playing a hot round of “Hop, Skip and Hump,” be sure and think of me!

Living most of my life in Chicago and Los Angeles I have seen, talked to and met a lot of celebrities.  I’m sure you all are keenly interested in my life, so even at the risk of inflaming your jealousy I will share with you a few of the fascinating details, validating that your awe of me is well deserved!

• Ansel Adams:  Not again!  Already told you about him & me…he & I?  We?
• John Cleese: I worked for the company he started, Video Arts, and he was a keynote speaker at the Training 1999 conference in Chicago.  Got to hang out and talk with him for a few minutes.  Did you?
• Amor Towles:  Only met him through email but he graciously answered every time I wrote so I assume he thinks of me often.  If you haven’t read his novel “A Gentleman in Moscow” you are a big dumb head! (Excuse the salty language but you should read the book, it’s wonderful!).
• Leroy Neiman:  Signed my poster at a show in Seaport Village, San Diego, in 2001. He thought he knew me from Chicago and who am I to argue with Leroy?
• Stacy Keach:  Played volleyball with him on Santa Monica beach in the late 1960’s.  A chance meeting on the sand but, alas, he never called.
• Ray Bradbury:  Twice in the late 1960’s.  The first time was at a little theater on La Cienega Blvd. where he produced his plays “The Day it Rained Forever” and “A Device Out of Time.”  The second was on his lawn when I visited a neighbor photographer and he had no recollection of our first meeting. Hmm, curious.
• Steve Allen and Jayne Meadows:  They were in the audience at the Ray Bradbury Theater and I got their autographs and said “hi.”  I was so eloquent in high school.
• Johnny Unitas: Quarterback for the Baltimore Colts patted me on the head when speaking at my father’s B’nai Brith Men’s Club meeting in the late 1950’s.
• Paula Prentis and Richard Benjamin: Actors for you youngsters. I was behind them in line at Gelson’s Market in Century City in the 70’s.  Factoid: They have been married 62 years.
• Ann-Margret: Met her at Veteran’s Auditorium in Culver City in 1963 when she was filming “Viva Las Vegas” with Elvis.  The King was rumored to have been there but I didn’t see him. I was hanging around outside gawking when the director invited me in if I would sit down and shut up.  I sat down.
• George Clooney:  Having been mistaken for that dreamboat so many times I feel like we know each other.
• Marisa Tomei: Only in my dreams.

This all seemed so much more impressive in my head.  

For those of us that like to adorn our few remaining letters with a little panache; put some color and meaning into our choice of stamps, we have 5 new ones coming and celebrating people and things we hold dear.

• John Wooden:  UCLA legend and probably the most often quoted college basketball coach in history. “You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”
• Dungeons and Dragons: How many nights sleep were lost by our nerd kids, (aka tech-geniuses that now run the world), playing this totally incomprehensible to us seniors game?
• Ansel Adams:  I may have mentioned once or a hundred times I spent an afternoon at his home in Carmel, CA, talking photography.  If you are one of the 3 people I missed telling feel free to write for details (but be careful what you wish for!).
• Carnival Nights: From roller coasters to hot dogs, carnivals were a staple of summertime fun for many Americans in the past.  These days you need a bundle of cash and a body guard.  Ten new stamps in a pane of 20 feature photographs capturing the energy and lights of a summer carnival at night.

All worthy subjects but they missed one that I have been trying to get honored for many years.  Those of you who agree with me, (and who doesn’t?) please join me in my letter writing campaign to finally get this person of color on a postage stamp.  He has the wisdom of King Solomon, the patience and perseverance of St. Monica and the self-discipline of Gandhi.  I hope someday my letters of complaint to McDonald’s regarding their  cruel inconsistency in the offering of the McRib sandwich will be embellished with a stamp of my personal hero, PAPA SMURF!  

I love Blue in both my states and my superheroes!

    This email sent to me by the guardian of all old curmudgeons, the AARP!  But nine of the things made sense and were really not surprising; alcohol, marijuana, cash, fruits and vegetables, blah, blah.  
    But there was one surprise, not that you shouldn’t mail it but that they felt the need to tell us oldies but goodies not to. PETS.  They feel we have to be reminded not to mail Scooby-Doo or Stimpson J. Cat?
     I imagine we will be getting further “No-Duh” Advice like “don’t store your oysters at room temperature for a week,” “don’t leave your invalid sister’s wheel chair next to a flight of stairs” and “don’t squeeze your testicles in a vice,” (actually I could have used that advice last week but that’s a story for another post).

We’re old, not dumb!

Sure, we all know the word is closely related to a criminally indicted low-life narcissistic sociopath who stole from his own charity, dodged the draft and seems to be incapable of telling the truth, especially when he fabricates his past accomplishments.  But there is more to the word than that.  So before you try to eradicate it from the English language, think of the many important images the descriptive word contributes to our quest for clear communication.
For example:

• Six no-trump…Double…Pass…Pass!
• The festering, puss-filled trump on my elbow causes a great deal of pain.
• Ooh my stomach!  Must’ve  eaten some bad clams.  Out of my way, have to go take a trump!
• The retired veteran got trumped; lost everything he had to scam artists.
• She is a racist, hate-monger with no empathy for another human being. She’s a trump; a sleaze three times worse than a Karen.  
• He must be the dumbest person on earth, a real trump.

Catch my drift?