Daily Inflammation

We all know if you buy anything at a discount store like Family Dollar, Dollar Tree or Sav-A-Lot you are getting a small size or just pure crap.  I have found only 3 reasons to walk into one of those junk emporiums: helium party balloons, gift bags or greeting cards because why pay $5.00 for a Hallmark card that is going to be torn open, have the money removed and be deposited unread into the recycle bin.

The FDA has now identified 7 brands of cinnamon powder that is contaminated with toxic levels of lead, all sold through discount outlets.  So now you not only have to worry about if your jewelry contains blood diamonds, or if your apple watch was made by an indentured child in a sweat shop, but also where the ingredients for that snickerdoodle you swiped from the lunchroom were purchased.

I can give up diamonds and Apple watches, but snickerdoodles?  Some things are worth the risk!

“How Dry I Am” is a song written by Irving Berlin in 1919, Originally titled “The Near Future” lamenting the impending enactment of the 18th Amendment to the constitution (Yes, there were others beside the 2nd Amendment that the gun nuts shout about daily) ushering in Prohibition which lasted from January 17, 1920 – December 5, 1933.  But the country was hardly dry.  Between Al Capone, Don Corleone and Hyman Roth there was plenty of illegal booze to go around.

For me “How Dry I Am” refers to my lack of ideas for this inane Daily Inflammation thing.  I am trying to stay out of the political argument because none of it makes any sense and I am unable to wrap my mind around how anyone can support a low-life scum like #45 in his bid to be re-elected.

Did I just slip and get political?  Shame on ME as well as anyone who supports him.  

I’ll try to do better tomorrow!

If your door or lock sticks, forcing you to push or pull as you turn the key, it’s an easy fix.  Use a pencil and rub the surface of the key with the lead and then put it in the lock. The graphite from the pencil will lubricate the lock, and it should easily open. 
Speaking metaphorically, if lead in your pencil is a problem I suggest you ask your doctor about boner pills.

Glad I could help. 

It is no easy task earning a living wage.  Most restaurant rely on their tips as they make minimum wage.  But many more jobs are trying to gain entry into the tip receiving world.  Our exterminator that gets $99.00 for about 10 minutes of pacing our small perimeter and spraying some toxic brew in the corners.  But as soon as he is finished I get a text leading me to the bill-paying site and a request to add on a tip.

The article says no tip necessary for flight attendants, plumbers, pick-up food orders, doctors, package delivery drivers, servers when tip is already on the bill, open bar at weddings and anywhere you receive sub-par service.  Seems like a “No, Duh.”  Who tips their accountant?  Who has an accountant?  I do believe tipping writers of inane website rants is an excellent policy but I’m not the one to ask…

The last tip I left is when I was circumcised! Hahahahaha!

This offer from FinanceBuzz.com.  Does anyone else see the flaw in this plan?
It’s like “Want to finally shed those extra pounds?  See us for all the Pizza and hot fudge you can eat 24/7!”

Nice, Huh?    Too Bad.  Suck it up!

I came up with a brilliant solution to my money problems and I only share it with you, my readers, because I know none of the 6 of you will rat me out!

I have an exclusive offer (I guess they know what a dynamic influencer I am) from New Yorker Magazine.  I can get an 88% discount off the cover price.  That means the 26 week cover price is $224.75.  They will discount 88% ($198.75) making my cost $26.  My genius plan is to resell subscriptions for the incredibly low price of  $112.oo, a 50% discount giving me a net profit on each sale of $86.00.  If I sell 10 a day and work 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year (I need a vacation), I’ll make over $200,000.

I’ve thought for weeks and can’t find a single flaw in my plan.  It appears to be foolproof.  My years of business experience will finally earn me what I am worth. I may write a book!

I know that you, as all of us erudite sentient beings, have pondered Prospero’s meaning when he uttered these profound words in Act IV of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.”  If you are one of the pitiable intellectual wannabes you most likely accept the standard English Lit 101 sophomoric explanation that he is commenting on the illusory nature of life.

But for those of us who have been blessed with an other-worldly intellect and always wend our way through the very soul of Shakespeare’s psyche have realized’ there is much more here, a deeper meaning that causes us to question our own existence. 

And for those of you who expect me to spoon-feed you the deep mysteries of the Universe I have unraveled I say tough toenails!  It’s for me to know and you to find out.  Nanny, Nanny, Nanny-Goat! In other words: GO FISH!  Tell your story walking, Dumbo.

I’ll show those Jerk-offs at MENSA International who’s qualified and whose not.  I’m coming for you Björn Liljeqvist!

The Daily Inflammation has a single overriding purpose, to make the world a better place. (The irony is not lost on me).

The most effective way for an individual to contribute to the health of our natural world is to reduce our carbon footprint.  Our Ocean’s are on the front lines of climate change absorbing half the carbon dioxide we pump into the atmosphere.  A start is to use mass transit, carpool and use clean energy sources.

Think about how you can help.  I believe I have discovered a new way for an individual to make a significant contribution to reducing their carbon footprint.  Whenever walking make sure not to step in Carbon.  If footprints are your goal there are many safe ways to create them; shag carpets, mud, newly seeded lawns, wet concrete, all leave fine examples of footprints without affecting climate change.  If we all do our part the Universe is sure to last at least another hundred years!

P.S. Does anyone know when the nominations for The Nobel Prize in Organic Chemistry close?

Blood has always represented family but why does calling someone a Blueblood mean they are born members of an aristocratic family?

I’ll tell you.  In the year 1212, a full three years prior to King John of England signing the Magna Carta at Runnymede, a pair of unscrupulous tailors convinced King John that they weaved a cloth so delicate and beautiful that it could not be seen by fools.  So as the King, who coincidentally had varicose veins, marched through the streets fully exposed a young and innocent lad spoke up and exclaimed, “The King has blue veins, the King has blue blood!”  The notion of blue-blooded royalty struck a nerve and became the spark that led to the Magna Carta and the birth of democracy. Which lasted until now…or a few years ago anyway.

Interesting Side Note: About 625 years after this event Danish author, Hans Christian Anderson, experiencing a crippling case of writer’s block, delved into the history books and wrote a fictionalized account of King John’s parade titled “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”  The thinly disguised tale was soon discovered by the descendants of King John who successfully sued for liable.