I thought I would relate to you the joys of maturity. I’ve noticed that at 70…what’s that? Ok I’ll be there in a minute, I’m in the middle of something. Uh, hmmm. Oh yes, “Siri, What’s on TV toni…” My wallet was here somewhere. Linda, have you seen my phone?…Linda?
It’s Just Plain Annoying!
C’mon Spellcheck, stop putting that enraging little red misspelling warning underneath the word “Whatev” when I write it. It has been added to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED to you wannabe linguists) and is now a proper English word with all the rights and privileges afforded its counterpart “Whatever.”
WINE OF THE TIMES?
A new study published in the JOURNAL OF ALZHEIMERS DISEASE found that wine and cheese may boost brain health.
What are you waiting for?
Let the Merlot flow. Grab a Cab! Go far on Pinot Noir.
Nothing better than Cheddar. It’s gotta be Ricotta. Gouda Doo-dah Doo-dah
Reisling is please-ling (sorry). Ask Oz for Shiraz. Work or play, it’s Chardonnay.
Mascarpone and Provolone may seem kind of Stilton,
But Muscatel and Zinfandel are two in a Sémillion.
THANK YOU GEORGIA!
My heartfelt gratitude to the people of the state of Georgia for doing their part in restoring sanity to our great nation.
And for those who are unhappy take heart! Another racist power hungry adolescent sociopathic egomaniac will be along and spin a web of lies that you will believe and brainlessly follow while he feeds his ego and bank account off the hard work of others not giving a rat’s ass about you or those in need.
Historically Evil First Names
In Alphabetical Order:
Adolph, Atilla, Donald, Genghis, Heinrich, Idi, Ivan (ka, Fem.), Josef, Lindsey, Mitch, Pol, Saddam, Vlad.
CAN A STATE SECEDE FROM THE UNION?
I read a Texas politician suggested Texas secede from the union in protest. I heartily endorse the effort on one condition: that Texas takes Kentucky, South Carolina, Florida, Mississippi and Alabama along with them.
AMAZING NEW MEDICAL DISCOVERY
You can now test yourself for brain activity at home without expensive and cumbersome EEG (Electroencephalogram) equipment. There are no co-pays and a referral from your PCP is not required. It merely requires a moment of reflection and one question. Do I now identify myself by taking the last name of a current political leader and adding an “er” at the end?
(Example: If the leader was named Dump would you call yourself a Dumper?)
If the answer is yes then you are definitely brain-dead and should immediately turn in your driver’s license and refrain from operating heavy equipment.
A Rematch of the Battle Royal?
GODZILLA Vs MOTHRA?
Let’s see the hands of those willing to make a substantial financial commitment to make it happen and finally correct an egregious injustice!
Happy New Year!
Have you written your list of resolutions? Should be easy. Simply copy last year’s list and put it in a safe place to be retirieved again next year.
Goodbye, Old Friend!
Today I bid farewell to an old friend who greeted me every morning, sent me on my way with a touch of sweetness and stood by me for many years. But youth must be served so fare-thee-well Cap’n Crunch. May you find the missing “tai” and at long last be addressed by the full title you so richly deserve!