Daily Inflammation

Researchers somewhere, (I forgot to write it down), have determined that life’s little luxuries are important for people of all walks of life.  Massages, facials, workout classes, manicures all should be enjoyed by everyone as they contribute greatly to our mental health and well-being.  They believe practicing self-care releases certain neurotransmitters in the brain, including the “feel Good hormones” dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. 

So before you do another thing take a day or two off from work, dip into next month’s rent, borrow the emergency cash in the jar hidden on the shelf, or drain your child’s college education fund and book some sessions at a spa.  It will be good for your brain and body.

And think about it, what could possibly go wrong?

     I am going to abbreviate this two-part procedure and get the news you can use quickly.  The first part will produce big results in 20 seconds.  Pay attention:

• The Vagus Nerve is the longest cranial nerve in your body.  It helps control essential involuntary functions, including heart rate, speech, mood, and digestion.
• However, stress, danger, or excitement can cause the vagus nerve to malfunction causing anxiety.  If you aren’t in immediate physical danger this may cause unnecessary stress.
• One of the fastest ways to stimulate the vagus nerve is through your vocal cords.  You need to “Voo” your way to calm in just a few seconds.

     So how do you do it?

• You take a deep, full, easy breath, and on the exhalation, make the sustained sound ‘vooooo,’ directing the vibration to your gut.
• Once you let the air all the way out, you just allow the next breath to come in.
• You can repeat this practice as many times as you’d like.  20 seconds and you are noticeably calmer.

     Combine the “Voo” with part 2, Doo, a trip to the bathroom for a satisfying ride on the porcelain bus and you will have a bright, sunshine filled day no matter what the weather is like outside.
     There you have it: Happiness through Voo-Doo! 

(**Note:  For those who are not able to perfectly coordinate both steps, use part 1 as a stand-alone exercise and enjoy a 20 second trip to calms-ville!)

Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pain, losses and disappointments.”  Joseph Addison, (1672-17190) English essayist and poet.

So please accept this moment of clarity as a blessing and not the ranting of a leftist empathic who believes all people on earth are created equal and deserve the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Do not support a candidate for president that is a proven liar, cheat, and awful business man with several bankruptcies causing untold misery to thousands of people.  A sociopathic narcissist who has vowed to prosecute his opponents and free from prison all who participated in his insurrection. Someone who spouts nothing but fear and doom and hatred for all who do not lockstep behind his insanity.  A deranged, sad soul who purports to be the savior sent from heaven to save the world when he is, in fact, the personification of pure evil.  A candidate with a vice-presidential running mate who likened him to Hitler until it became politically expedient to hold his breath and stick his head up the candidate’s ass.

That pretty well sums it up.  Consider yourself blessed!  Questions?

You lose both water and sodium when you sweat, and both need to be replaced to avoid headaches, muscle cramps, conservatism and a myriad of other painful ailments.  And proper hydration is said to be wonderful for the skin.  It’s not all about ball bearings as Irwin M. Fletcher would have you believe.  It’s more about electrolytes, magnesium, potassium and sodium.

I drank from a garden hose, never knowingly consumed an electrolyte, filled my glass with tap water and made it to 73.  But on the downside I must confess my skin does not “Glow.”  If only I had this information sooner!

     “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person that you always should have been.” David Bowie|
      Not always.  In my case, I’m the same crusty but benign curmudgeon I have always been only with more aching joints, less hair and no filters!
     I remain an indefinable conundrum (aka: Jerk).

The ad sent to me states that “Hers weight loss program combines the power of GLP-1 injections with personalized support, with programs starting at only $199.00 per month when paid up front for one year, $2,388.00.  And that’s for the cheapest limited program.

I am going to save you $2,388.00, give you not the basic but rather the Super Deluxe Program and you will have the exact same chance of success without the painful injections.

Dr. Freddie’s Guaranteed Weight Loss Journey:  “Eat less, exercise more, walk everyday and use the stairs!”

Why am I NOT a millionaire?

I sometimes joke about useless drivel that turns up in my email but this is HUGE!  It enticed me to find more copy-cat recipes.  I found 6 of them and prepared a feast for my family.  It was amazing.  It took all day and cost a fortune but was worth every penny.   You might find this hard to believe but I made it all and never set foot in one of the restaurants.
Check out the exquisite, one-of-a-kind, all copy-cat menu:

• Steamed rice from Panda Express.
• Cheeseburgers from McDonalds.
• Fries from In-N-Out Burger.
• Cheese Pizza from Costco.
• Cinnamon Crispas from Taco Bell.
• Breadsticks from Olive Garden.

Do they give Michelin Stars to home chefs?

Greetings Amerikanskis:

    It is I, Vladimir Putinski, Vladimir Putin’s stunt double.  I hacked this site because I heard betterfredthandead has millions of readers, all open-minded yet willing to let us pick your Presidentski.  Vote for Comrade Trump.  Only he can:

• Bring peace and prosperity.
• Control every other country.
• Give affordable healthcare and education opportunities to everyone.
• Not give Russia USA military secrets.

If you’re a big enough Dumbasski to believe the first three, the fourth should be no problem.
Spasibo! Mother Russia thanks you.

(This Chatgpt translator is awesome!)

In a previous post I explained how the process of cleaning out all the useless clutter from our homes and storage not only saves loved ones from the painful task of going through your junk, but also has an immediate benefit for those of us giving away our stuff.  It is amazingly liberating and allows one room to breathe and plan new projects and goals.  

     I did face a conundrum: what to do with my 2005 Manager of the Year Award from Coastal Training and my 2014 Six Sigma Greenbelt Certification from DuPont.  The manager award was for my first full year of leading the office I Opened in Manila.  The best part of this award was most of the managers opposed the opening so only 2 people said congrats.  I enjoyed my “pariah” status for the first year.
      I earned the Green Belt with my project “Method of Determining the Best Distributors in Sub-Saharan Africa.”  Riveting stuff!  But I did invest a great deal of time and effort on both so “parting is such sweet sorrow…”  Am I really so insecure that I need to display cheesy reminders of some minor achievements in my past life as a worker bee?  Probably.

Final decision: These are meaningless symbols and have no current value.  Even our usual repository for discarded items, the Vietnam Veterans Thrift Store, would have no interest in them.  The time has come to toss the awards in the trash.

(Deep Breath)…I feel lighter already!

If you said Three-toed Sloth you would be correct.  Found mostly in Eastern Asia, the three-toed sloth gained recognition when he was featured in the Pixar film “Zootopia.” Flash, as he was ironically named worked at the DMV before they had appointments.

And for you Jerks that thought it was funny to guess the slowest animal as Donald Trump, the laugh is on you.  He came in fourth after the Garden Snail and Giant Tortoise, and one before Joe Biden!