Daily Inflammation

Yes, it is.  But there is so much more to celebrate!

On this day in 1884 the first bullfight in The United States took place in Dodge City, Kansas.  Although bullfighting as a sport failed to catch on and has since become illegal in our country, the major byproduct of the bull, “Bullshit,” continued to gain in popularity and reached its pinnacle when, on October 7, 1996,  Fox News began broadcasting, spreading their brand of manure, managing to avoid any speck of truth and giving a voice to racists, fringe groups and fearful masses lacking the brains to think on their own. 

It is also “Sidewalk Egg Frying Day” so if you are anywhere near Oatman, AZ today, check out the Solar Egg Frying Contest.**
**Be sure to check with your Cardiologist before attending to make sure your heart can withstand the excitement.

Many people share credit for the origins of the gas mask including Leonardo da Vinci for a rudimentary air filter and Garret Morgan for the “Smoke Hood” a predecessor to the gas mask (Interestingly he also invented the 3 position traffic Signal).  But I believe Benjamin Lane is the man to whom we owe a debt of gratitude.  On July 2nd 1850, Benjamin Lane of Cambridge, Massachusetts received the first U.S. Patent Number US7476 A for a self-contained breathing apparatus called the gas mask. And how life changed for the better!  How so?  Read on.

We all know beans are a wonderful low cost source of protein, fiber, vitamins and are rich in antioxidants, but up to this point in history the wonder food was relegated to feeding hungry cowboys on the prairie (See “Blazing Saddles”).   In the 1850s homes were small and lacked proper ventilation making the atmosphere created by serving of beans quite unpleasant.  The breathing apparatus invented by Lane made it possible for beans to make the leap from Wild West campfire fare to a staple in the American home.  I am told there were other uses for the gas mask as well but, who knows?

So this month, while happily singing the traditional after-meal song “Beans, Beans, The Musical Fruit” throw a little love and gratitude to Ben Lane, American Hero.

Linda and I have given up on television with the exception of Netflix and Amazon.  For the first time (I know we are 17 years late) we actually started watching “Grey’s Anatomy.”  The Surgery scenes are so realistic it has inspired me to finally make a career choice.  I am going to become a surgeon. Not a popular choice at 70 but I have a genius plan.

     I am going to take a cue from Kim Kardashian and skip the college degree part.  I know the legal profession is a piece of cake compared to medicine but Kim is an influencer and consider me influenced to lower the bar on all professions.  All those numbskulls that actually spend 3 years in law school or four in med school are fools.  If only they were inexplicable success stories like her they could buy their way in.  Anyway, I know it sounds strange and being a doctor requires actual schooling.  But I have a plan.

First I will power-watch all 17 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy to earn my provisional medical license.  It will only allow me to perform surgery on Reality TV stars, Internet Influencers and politicians, so if I lose a patient the world will be a better place.   We all win! 

Cheesy attempt to mirror the “Glass half-full or Half-empty’ metaphor aside, whether you believe the year to be half-full or half-empty, it is truly half-over.
From this day forward all conversations you have with a person 60 years+ old where the date is mentioned will include some form of the following statements:

• “How time flies!”
• “Where does the time go?”
• “It’s going faster each year.”
• “I can’t believe the year is half over.”
• ” But we just celebrated New Year’s Eve?”
• “July 1st, Unf*****g believable!”
• “I can’t believe I’m still here.”
• “Can I borrow a few bucks?”  (That one is unique to me and does not require mention of a date).

In mid-June storms pelted Gippsland, a region in Victoria near the mainland on Australia’s southeastern edge.  Swollen riverbanks engulfed downed trees and pooled in the streets.  Thousands of homes lost power but when the rains subsided the shore glowed with an awesome sight.  It was as if the trees and shoreline had been covered in a gauzy film like translucent silk sheets strewn over the landscape; showing spots of branches, leaves and green grass beneath the billowing fabric.
The creators of this ethereal canvass were tens of thousands of spiders spinning their webs in a desperate and successful attempt to save their own lives.

I imagine after that horrific battle for life and a near death experience, the spiders must be filled with rage and a pathological need for revenge… and very, very hungry.

On this day in 1888, Professor Frederick Treves performed the first appendectomy in England.  Having received his medical training in the United States he made a natural assumption and incorrectly made the incision on the left side of the patient.

Take a minute…wait for it…

You have to keep your meal plans in sync with the times.
If Trader Joes Organic Valencia Peanut Butter, Bonne Maman Cherry Preserves and Ben & Jerry’s “Pistachio, Pistachio” were on your list of unlimited foods I would buy a lifetime membership.
Wake up and smell the carbs.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”  – Thich Nhat Hanh Vietnamese Monk, Zen Master, Poet

“Sometimes your joy is a happy ending, but sometimes a happy ending is supplied by Joy.  Call me.”  Joy Hanh Djahb,  Metacarpal Manipulator

A. Survey** estimated that 40 % of workers are considering quitting their job this year and there is most definitely a proper way to quit.  But in order to read the survey you must sign up and pay a fee which you probably can’t afford if you are quitting so forget about it.  You are not going to do any better anywhere else. Try actually working for a change and see if that helps.

**Alvin Survey: Socially stunted adolescent with a computer and raging acne.

Admittedly when I met Linda in 1973 the number of women I had known platonically, spiritually and biblically was very unimpressive by today’s “Anything Goes” standards.  But I was not totally uneducated, so I can’t blame inexperience. After dating for a very short time I learned Linda did not care to get gifts on holidays like St. Valentine’s Day, where retailers guilt the public into spending money to prove you care. She did, however, love gifts given for no other reason than that you saw something, thought of her and wanted her to have it. 

That was the spirit in which I gave her a frosted glass bottle of Jean Naté Friction Pour le Bain, After Bath Lotion. She was genuinely moved and asked what prompted such a thoughtful gift.  A relationship is based on truth, right?  So instead of one of a hundred answers I thought of later, “just wanted you to have something special for your bath,” I told the truth, explaining a previous girlfriend (yes, I said the name) had used it and I loved the scent.”  After the room immediately turned frostier than the bottle of lotion I soon realized my faux pas.  At that point there was no immediate fix so I slowly crept out of the room.  The bottle mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen or mentioned again. 

I had the good sense not to speak of this again; until now.  I am hoping after 45 years of marriage the Statute of Limitations on stupidity has passed and that we can all laugh about it!  Somebody look…is she laughing?  Too soon?