Daily Inflammation

MAMMONISM   [ mam–uh-niz-uhm ]
The greedy pursuit of riches.

From the Noun:  Mammon:
1.   New Testament. riches or material wealth. Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:9,11,13.
2.  A personification of riches as an evil spirit or deity.

I always just refer to it as tithing, the collection plate or the building fund.

Considering that truth in advertising (or politics) almost non-existent, it is easy to miss a truly important story, one that is truthful and honestly helps the average American stretch their dollar and bring a family closer together.  Fortunately you have come to the one place on the internet where truth reigns supreme and the welfare of the common man is the only agenda. 

In this spirit I inform you of the following special offer from one of America’s foremost purveyor of culinary delights for matriculating students, Vienna Beef!   This month, under the heading “Back to School Essentials” they are offering $10.00 discount, you heard me, $10.00 off Bagel Dogs.  And not just the standard 5# box of 14 dogs but also on the 3# box of 54 minis!   WOW!  Use discount code DKABZQ at viennabeef.com.

VIENNA BEEF, a grateful (and hungry) America salutes you!

A day off work for everyone is great but we must do more for the workers and their families as they are the real strength of America.  
Let’s celebrate the American Worker by declaring some other needed holidays:  A few suggestions:

• National Healthcare Day – Commemorating the passage of Universal Healthcare for all Americans.
• American Education Day – Memorializing the introduction of a system of education that allows everyone an affordable path to an academic degree or vocational certification.
• Sensible Minimum Wage Day – Celebrating the mandating of a living wage for all workers.
• Bastille Day USA – A day to take pride in reduced numbers of prisons and the end of private prisons for profit through the decriminalization of Cannabis and a focus on opportunity and rehabilitation over punishment.

There goes the radical left again, wanting a government responsive to the needs of its people…TRAITORS!

The Question; What is the strongest insect in the world? The Horned Dung Beetle (Onthophagus Taurus) is capable of pulling 1141 times its body weight in dung despite being just 10 millimeters (about 1/3 inch) long. 

Coincidentally the dung beetle has two equivalents in the animal kingdom; The Loudmouth Televangelist (Money-grubbus Charlatanis) and The Hypocritical Congress Person (Scumbagus Maximus), both spew 1411 times their body weight in horse manure daily and the average length of the male’s genitals is 10 millimeters.

So many lessons to learn from Nature!

But at least I have attained greatness in two separate disciplines.  Can you say the same Will Shakespeare, Maria Callas, Wolfgang Mozart or Madame Curie?
(Wait, scratch Madame Curie.  She won Nobel Prizes in Physics and Chemistry, but that’s almost the same thing, science is science, right?)

Mushrooms, mold, and other fungi were once considered plants when in reality, their cell structure is more similar to that of animals.  Fungi are one of the most commonly found organisms on the planet, yet scientists admit there’s still so much to learn about them.  I know science and truth have not been very popular these last 4 or 5 years but there is a lesson here.  

Agronomists can save our nation!  If we can change the main crop in Florida from citrus and the main crop in Texas from hate and ignorance to mushrooms, we might be able to clean up two of the three most toxic sites in our country.  Then on the The Capitol!

An added bonus:  An abundance of low cost Mushroom Risotto to be enjoyed by all, YUM!

It must really suck to be a comedian today.  In the past no subject was taboo.  We made jokes about really horrible subjects meant to alleviate pain, not cause it.  We knew they were jokes and laughter is the best medicine, that is, after you’ve been vaccinated.
In 1964 Lenny Bruce went to prison for saying things on stage you can now here on Sesame Street…perhaps a slight exaggeration…but the window of acceptability has certainly narrowed.  Let’s take a peek back before the PC virus hit.
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Mel Brooks’ Classic “The Producers” was about con men producing a Nazi play with the title song lyrics Springtime for Hitler and Germany, Winter for Poland and France.

The Leprosy Song: There goes my eyeball into your highball.  Better kiss me quick, there goes my lower lip.

Fatal Crashes:
Me:     I have good news and bad news.  A bus load of lawyers drove off a cliff.
You:  That’s terrible.  What’s the good news?
Me:   That is the good news.  The bad news?  There was an empty seat…Rudy Giuliani couldn’t afford a ticket. (I may have updated this one just a bit).

But you can’t say these today.  Oops.

First off I don’t judge.  What consenting adults do with their tuning forks in the privacy of their own home is none of my business.
But for those of us whose tuning forks have been laying dormant, there is a recent innovation I discovered on the bastion of truth and morality we call the internet.  It is Energy Medicine Yoga (EMY).  Apparently you can access the quantum field (and I assume that’s a good thing) with EMYoga and a tuning fork.

What does the average person need to do to become enlightened and gain life-changing access to the quantum field?   
Fork over $109.00 a month for 3 months or save nothing with a single payment of $297.00!
And all I have been squandering my money on is food, rent and clothing (and this website), when a Certificate of Enlightenment was so affordable.

Sad to think if  Buddha had only been born a few years later, he might have taken the offer and found nirvana without wasting all that time meditating!

That’s Easy!  We all know it was Kirk Douglas.  Changing your name to something less ethnic or less wimpy was a Hollywood tradition.  Cary Grant was born Archibald Leash and John Wayne was Marion Morrison.  It is even rumored that Austrian transplant Arnold Schwarzenegger changed his name from Bill Jones.
But here is a lesser known bit of trivia.  Let’s see how good you are:

What Failed American businessman, reality actor, politician, russian operative and inhuman being is known in the land of borscht, pierogis and totalitarianism as Donaldovitch Johnvonivitch Trumpistanovich.
Crack that code Einstein!

Virginia Woolf was an English writer credited with pioneering the use of “Stream of Consciousness” as a narrative device.  I honor her by attempting to emulate this style in the DAILY INFLAMMATION.  Her inspiring quote:

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”

About Myself:  I am a 39 year old genius with a six-pack of abs that would make Chris Hemsworth jealous.  I am brilliant and share my daily thoughts on this site with over 600,000 followers.  My prowess in the bedroom is only overshadowed by my IQ of 160 and my string of advanced degrees from Harvard.  As Mother Teresa said to me when I was working by her side to ease the suffering of the poor, “You are an awesome dude!”

About Others:  Everyone who wears a MAGA cap and worships the orange russian agent that his comrades put in power are the smartest people in the world and not ignorant racists living in fear.

I guess Virginia knew what she was talking about.

Btw:  “Mrs. Dalloway” is my favorite of her novels.  I suggest you read it.