Daily Inflammation

Apparently, pretty dumb.  It’s all part of the wonderful world of Marketing.

I receive scores of catalogs, information sheets and emails from multiple cruise and tour companies because Linda and I went on one river cruise 3 years ago. (Wonderful Christmas Market Cruise in Europe, BTW).  We are included in the coveted demographic of “Known Travelers;”  worth big bucks on purchased email marketing lists.

When you call the toll-free number of customer service the first thing they ask for is the catalog or flyer number so they know what offer has been extended.  Was it the “Free Airfare” and cruise totaling $7,000.00 per person, or the “$500.00 off” if you book now, plus airfare bringing the total cost to $7,000.00 a person, or perhaps the free shipboard credit and miscellaneous discounts that bring the total cost to $7,000.00 per person.

I asked the agent if I could just get the free airfare without the cruise and they said sure, no problem.  It was all mine…for the processing fee of $7,000.00

We all must love to be afraid because fear has dominated our lives for the last 5 years. Do these sound familiar?

     “The illegal aliens are coming…BUILD A WALL!”    “The Radical Left…Socialists…want to tax our beleaguered billionaires to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure, feed our children and fund affordable healthcare and quality education!”  “They want to teach truth in schools, truth, stop them!”  “They are coming for our guns, buy more guns, they want to take away our guns!”

Politics does not scare me.  My nightmares still originate on Elm Street.  Sure, I saw In Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, where Freddy is stabbed with his own bladed glove by his daughter, Maggie Burroughs, and then blown up with a pipe bomb, the explosion completely destroying Freddy and releases the dream demons giving him his power. 
But, I just heard the “my pillow” guy, spotted Freddy Krueger at the Rite-Aid in Springwood, Ohio, purchasing a case of razor blades.

If we let fear rule our hearts, monsters can make a comeback. Now that is frightening!

If you can answer that question you are in the top 10% group of people with useless knowledge.  But for the rest of us normal people let me explain.

A palindrome is a word or sentence that is exactly the same whether written forwards or backwards.  For example:

• Taco cat.
• Madam, in Eden, I’m Adam
• Mr. Owl ate my metal worm.
• Step on no pets.

A Semordnilap is a word that when written backwards becomes a different word.  Here are a few examples:

• Diaper        –      Repaid
• Desserts     –      Stressed
• Looter        –      Retool

AHA!  You have fallen victim to my plot to eradicate idiocy from our planet.  You have occupied several million brain cells retaining this fascinating information, thereby diminishing your capacity for absorbing any further information regarding the Kardashians.  You no longer need to keep up with them.

You are welcome.

More bad news from financial times in China.  The real estate market is crumbling like a stale fortune cookie.
Sinic Holdings said it likely won’t repay $250 million worth of bonds and China Properties Group said it defaulted on $226 million worth of notes.  

What does this distressing news mean to everyone outside of the People’s Republic?  Really, not a thing unless you have transferred all that excess cash stored in your mattress into Asian real estate stocks on the Shanghai Stock Exchange (SSE).  It’s just that as a human being I feel sad when I hear of any misfortune visited upon another person, friend or foe alike.  So to my fellow humans in Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou, Chongqing, Tangshan, Fuzhou, Tianjin, Ningbo, Wuhan, Nanjing, Wuxi, Dongguan, Xi’an, Zhuhai, Zibo and Little Havana, I say “Stand Tall.”  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  In the U.S. this is a standard business practice called Chapter 11, Bankruptcy.  Just another way for select billionaires to screw the working man.  If you do it enough here you can get elected President!

On December 31, 2020, in these very pages I bid farewell to Cap’n Crunch cereal.  I still get nostalgic at breakfast and miss its sugary deliciousness.  But the added fiber does do its job… A story for another time.   This is about my dear friend Horatio Magellan Crunch.

As you all know he came from Crunch Island, home of Mount Crunchmore. His first name, Horatio, is a tribute to Horatio Nelson, the British naval hero who led his men to victory in the Battle of Trafalgar. His middle name is a nod to 16th-century Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan.  And although I am now a steel-cut oats and non-GMO Shredded Wheat and Bran man, I still have a warm glow in my heart for The Captain and wish to right an egregious injustice perpetrated on him by the soulless ghouls at Quaker Oats who themselves are controlled by nefarious puppet-masters at PepsiCo.

The shocking reality is the three stripes on his uniform represent a commodore rather than a captain.  Stand with me, post your outrage on social media, write to congress.  Say WE DEMAND that from here forward the cereal be called Commodore Crunch!

(P.S. And while you’re at it Quaker Oats, lose those horrible tasting Crunch Berries.  The only food more disgusting than that is Pumpkin-Spice Oreos).

Have you read “A Gentleman in Moscow?”  No?  Then you have not done your homework.  Look at the “Best Books Ever” section in this website start reading.

Based on “Gentleman” alone I would say Amor Towles is one of the best living American novelists…throw in the dead ones as well.  It is that good.  And he has followed it up with “The Lincoln Highway.”  I am not a reviewer and certainly do not want to discuss the plot so you just have to read it.  There is no padding in his writing.  Every word is there for a reason. He masterfully cultivates our understanding of unsympathetic characters (see Duchess) and touches our heart with those we choose to care about (many others).

Sorry, no witty punchline.  Read the books, you’ll thank me.  And if you do not agree with me (how dare you?)  I have a middle finger at the ready to respond to your contrarian balderdash!

Yes, I hear you, all lives matter.  But apparently some of you special needs people are unable to comprehend that the Black Lives Matter movement is a plea for equality and not a claim of superiority.  It is an attempt to level the playing field.  I support the quest for true equality for everyone on earth, including our cuddly little blue friends living in their masterfully engineered mushroom shaped houses in the forest.

In the interest of full disclosure I have a personal stake in this issue.  Many years ago I attempted to cross racial barriers and ardently pursued Smurfette.  She rejected my advances and chose to be with Hefty Smurf instead.  She was probably right to steer clear of me.  As much as we hate to admit it racial prejudice is still rampant in our society.  We’d have never made it.  Outside the Smurfs forest community, White and Blue don’t mix well.  Both people become lighter shades of their former self.  

“Life has taken us down different roads, Smurfette.  But we will always have the memory of those lazy Saturday morning Cartoon-fests together.”

 Actually it happened 30 years ago. In 1991, the Protocol on Environmental Protection was enacted, banning all non-native species (except humans). The goal was to prevent the introduction of infection or disease from outside.

A life-saving idea:  We expand the ban by changing the geography to local public gathering spots like supermarkets and restaurants and swap dogs for unvaccinated humans who refuse to wear a mask.  By doing this we too can stop the proliferation of disease into our population.   

Get vaccinated you brainless weenie!  (I mean that in the nicest way)

As a public service to those of us that have gathered enough years to collect social security, (which BTW is money we have paid in all our working lives and not a government give away as many ass-hats in congress say), I read various helpful articles to save my fellow ancients time and money.  

In the above named article the first tip was to take advantage of the 10% Senior Discount at such fine dining establishments as Appleby’s, Denny’s, Subway and IHOP.  While you will save a few dollars off the menu prices, the likely trip to the emergency room to get your stomach pumped, or at least a healthy dose of Imodium A-D would cost more than you saved.

Tip #1:  Eat at home.
You’re Welcome.

I got an invitation today to shop on-line at an e-store called Misfits Market.

How did they find me?
How did they know?