If you have not read an Erik Larson book you need to correct that mistake immediately.  Erik is a journalist and writes non-fiction books in novel form.  The result is a fascinating historical account of past events and eras.  A few examples: an account of the U.S. Ambassador to Germany during the rise of Hitler; the sinking of the Lusitania, Winston Churchill and the London Blitz; and the invention of the wireless.  

The events are often paired with a sensational crime taking place at the same time.  Having grown up in Chicago I was particularly interested in “The Devil in the White City” which details the crimes of serial killer H.H. Holmes against the more interesting planning, building and opening of the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893.

The Good News:  Hulu has acquired the rights and it will be an 8 part mini-series starring Keanu Reeves due out in 2024.  We are hoping Keanu, known as one of the nicest and most generous people in Hollywood, will invite us to the premier party.   His agent has not yet responded to my request.  I bet Keanu would be really mad if he knew I was being ignored!

     After discovering her in possession of some cannabis oil, Russian authorities convicted US basketball star Brittney Griner of possession and smuggling of drugs, sentencing her to nine years in a penal colony.
     I have found a way to ruthlessly mete out her punishment: Make her serve her time at the most vile and insidious place in the world: Mar-a-Lago. That would make a most frightening episode of “Scared Straight!”
    Or possibly a prisoner swap; an American athlete for a Russian agent.  Griner for Trump?  That’s what we call a win-win.

Bandit, a 20 lb. calico cat alerted its owner to an attempted robbery.  Possibly rare in other states, it’s no surprise there is a 20 Lb. cat there.  Mississippi is considered the fattest state in the Union with 1 out of 3 adults classified as obese.  Fortunately for his owner this happened around dinner time so Bandit was motivated to get up off the couch and knew to go directly to the kitchen.

The saying from The Land of Oz has taken on new meaning.  Previously it meant that you are somewhere new, unfamiliar and possibly scary.  The beautiful state of Kansas evoked memories of wholesome country living, fresh milk directly from the cow and Grandma’s apple pie.  Now Kansas has added another enviable dimension to their mystique by putting real freedom ahead of self-serving religious fanaticism. 

Thank You Kansas for voting to acknowledge gender equality and protect a woman’s right to control her own body.

Sure, first the Monkeys post all those cutesy videos of themselves on Instagram, playing, running, eating, climbing; doing all sorts of “Monkey Business.”  And then when we aren’t looking….WHAM! A POX UPON YOUR HOUSE!”

Monkeys:  Adorable furry little animals or Sinister Agents of Doom?

According to the AARP Newsletter these 6 product categories are experiencing an anti-inflation drop in price:
     1. Gasoline                2. Steaks                 3. Televisions
     4. Smartphones      5. Cruise Fares    6. Gold

This is good news for everyone…Unless you happen to be an Amish vegan who eschews precious metals.
Then you’re screwed.

“In southwest China, footprints of not just one but two sauropods — massive dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period — were found on stones in a restaurant’s courtyard. The tracks, first noticed by one of the restaurant’s patrons and later confirmed by paleontologists, date back 100 million years and provide evidence of what is considered to be the largest species to walk on Earth.  Lida Xing, a paleontologist at the China University of Geosciences who helped verify the footprints using a 3D scanner, told CNN the long-necked, long-tailed animals that stepped in the courtyard were roughly 26 feet long.”

All the cat paw prints leading into the kitchen were verified as modern day.

Unfortunately the republicans pulled off the greatest FRAUD IN LOTTERY HISTORY! 

Even though I have irrefutable proof that I won they are giving the $1.3 to someone else.  Over the coming several months my stellar team which includes the most brilliant minds of our day; Rudy Giuliani (he works for food), Marjorie Traitor Cretin, Matt the Pedo, and the My Pillow douchebag will all swear I won! (I promised a “Pardon” of which I will, of course, immediately forget).

I demand you give me my money or I will hold my breath until I turn blue. 
(Oh wait, I am blue…until I turn red!)

The odds of winning are 1 in 302,000,000.  What’s for Certain? 
Tomorrow Morning there will be at least 301,999,999 very disappointed people.

Not me, of course, I’m gonna win.
(I really need to go and buy a ticket but it’s so hot out there today!)

Following its ratification by the necessary three-quarters of U.S. states, the Fourteenth Amendment granting citizenship to all persons born or naturalized in the United States—including formerly enslaved people—is officially adopted into the U.S. Constitution.  Secretary of State William Seward issued a proclamation certifying the amendment. 

And here we are 154 years later with a congress and majority on the Supreme Court just waiting to strip us of those rights.  Progress!
(Don’t worry assholes…they may take away our freedoms but they’ll let you keep your guns…for now!)