“Margarine was first invented in France in 1869 by French chemist Hippolyte Mège-Mouriès. Napoleon III, the leader of France at the time, was having trouble feeding his troops. He wanted a stable alternative to butter that would be useful both on campaigns and during periods of butter shortage. Mouriès was the winner of that competition. He never made much money from his invention, but it did inspire others to start producing similar inedible slime.”

So next time a terrible restaurant serves yellow paste in place of real butter (Shari’s Café) be sure to say: Merci!  Or better yet, Merde!

Why does every nitwit that gets their News from the Fox Entertainment Network or some whack-job conspiracy theory website answer a question asking for even a shred of proof of the codswallop they are spewing simply answers “Do your research?”  If any one of them did a drop of research they would discover no proof and return to their cousins and spouses (usually the same person) and be forced to face the harsh reality that they are blindly following a lunatic.

Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.  But I’m not.

     In 1909 Sonora Smart Dodd got the idea for Father’s Day during a sermon on Mother’s day.  The first Father’s Day took place in 1910 although it did not become an official holiday until 1972.  And speaking for most Father’s we appreciate the calls from our adult children on that day. 
     But listen up; you call Mom 364 days a year.  Be kind to the old man and give him a call every three or four months.

     This day, June 15th, provides an opportunity to raise awareness of the abuse, neglect, and fraud schemes committed against older Americans.
     Elder abuse comes in many forms.  You took away our flip-phones and made us carry smart phones.  After 65 we have to go to the DMV for an eye test and can no longer renew our driver’s licenses by mail and the few pennies we save on Denny’s Early Bird Specials is eaten up in the rising cost of Metamucil! 
     And regarding nursing homes or managed care facilities, I refer you to a quote the 1970 documentary, considered today to be the seminal work on preventing elder abuse; the 1970 film directed by Carl Reiner “Where’s Poppa?”  

        “You can lock her in her room, seal her in a tomb,
         but never put your mother in a home!”

“…Curiosity has its own reason for existence.”  What Einstein said that?  Albert, of course.  And he was correct.

Like Einstein and Ted Lasso said: “Be curious and ask questions.”  If you did you would not get your ass kicked by Ted in a game of darts, maybe prove Einstein’s theory of relativity correct and possibly confirm Dr. Sheldon Cooper’s hypotheses on String Theory.

So never stop asking how this sub-human adolph hitler wannabe became the leader of one of only two major political parties?  And when history judges them harshly how will these formerly learned representatives allowed themselves to be turned into compliant sheep following a tyrant into the abyss.

When you get the answer let me know.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL one year’s supply of footballs.  Wilson Sporting Goods is the official supplier to the NFL and they manufacture around 700,000 regulation footballs each year. Wilson needs about 35,000 cow hides to manufacture all of those footballs. That means a single cow hide can make about 20 footballs.  The NFL needs about 11,520 footballs for all of its games every season and that doesn’t even include practice.  

So to honor the noble cows who literally have some skin in the game, we are petitioning the NFL to have one Sunday during the season proclaimed “NFL Cow Day.” On a Sunday Afternoon we will demonstrate our love for those that gave their lives so that we may play by featuring them in an extravagant barbecue.

So fire up the coals and start grilling them steaks, Yum!

MUMBO JUMBO
[ muhm-boh juhm-boh ]
Noun, Plural mum·bo jum·bos.

1. meaningless incantation or ritual.
2. senseless or pretentious language, usually designed to obscure an issue, confuse a listener, or the like.

I have always loved saying Mumbo Jumbo!
I prefer it over banana oil, codswallop, balderdash, poppycock and hogwash.

The Board of Director of betterfredthandead.com has formally voted to adopt those two lovely words as our official company motto!
Wait till you see our Mission Statement!  All in preparation for the upcoming IPO!
Wise investors stay tuned-in!

Having recently  cleared up the mystery regarding the feeling that time speeds up as we age, I feel that providing understandable answers to the mysteries and misconceptions may be the way I can best service our society in my senior years.  So before I buy the farm and sail into that goodnight, and while a few grains of sand remain in my rapidly emptying hourglass and ahead of the grim reaper placing my address into his GPS, I will endeavor to explain in simple terms the things for which there are many opinions but only one right answer: Mine!

To the question at hand; Why do we sweat?  First, there is the generally accepted mumbo-jumbo as follows:
“Sweating is your body’s natural air conditioner. When you get hot, your body releases a liquid from your sweat glands that is mostly water but also contains salt and other minerals. This liquid, which we call sweat, comes out onto the surface of your skin. As it evaporates, it cools your skin and helps lower your body temperature.”

But Flop Sweat is caused by embarrassment and uncontrollable stress like the incomprehensible situation where one of the two frontrunners for their party’s nomination for president is going to be in office the next four years.  Yikes, I’m drenched!

I have always been fascinated with Wyatt Earp’s life.  I have read every book, watched every movie and expanded my interest to the Old West in general.  My favorite reads are historical fiction;  A made up story but accurate in the details of life during that period of time.  If anyone shares my interest I’d forget about any film of Wyatt’s life before 1993’s Tombstone with Kurt Russell; fiction for sure but with a lot of truth about the essence of the man.  If you are looking for a biography I suggest Wyatt Earp: The Life Behind the Legend by Casey Tefertiller.  

Wyatt Earp may not have always been politically correct but he did have a strict moral code to which he remained true throughout his life.  It may not have been easy to understand his actions, violent and self-serving at times but always fitting into his  code of conduct which, for the most part, was always there to keep the peace for the public good.  He had a warm heart but was overwhelmed by the raw cruelty of the time in which he lived.

It started me to wonder.  Might we be misunderstanding a former president who wants to return to office?  Could he be interested in the welfare of all the citizens of our country, not just those who praise him and bow to his will?  Is there a chance his narcissistic and vindictive personality masks a heart of gold that would unite us all and bring an age of peace and prosperity?  When he ignores social issues like access to affordable healthcare and equal tights for every citizen and spends his time explaining why he’d rather be electrocuted than eaten by a shark, is this an indication he will be a great leader, unlike what he was before?

The answer is No.  He is biological waste and needs to be flushed.  I am glad I was able to clear that up for you.

We are already in the second week of June and 2024 is almost half over.  Commenting on how fast time flies as we age is a cliché, but also a fact.

As you know I am a man of science and constantly seeking to explain the mysteries of the Universe.  Having watched and re-watched all twelve seasons of The Big Bang Theory I have more than a smattering of knowledge of theoretical physics.  Therefore I am certain Robert Ornstein’s cognitive theory is, in fact, the best explanation.  
       As we age we experience fewer novel experiences which, in turn, means fewer new memories, thus accelerating our perception of time.  So it is not time that speeds up but how we perceive it.  Additionally, the slowing of our brain’s metabolic processes as we age could also contribute to the feeling of time speeding up. 

But get hungry and the last 30 minutes before dinner seems interminable…or is it just me?