On June 11th I introduced a feature where I impart sage advice based on questions from my readers, be they real or imagined (and, as you can imagine, most are imagined…Love that word!). Today’s Question comes from a reader in Tanganyika. Not Tanganyika, Africa now known as Tanzania, but The Tanganyika Wildlife Park in Goddard, Kansas. The actual letter, be it real or…you know, is printed in its entirety.
Dear Frederick:
I am a 35 year old female Keeper at the Tanganyika Wildlife Park in Goddard, Kansas. In hopes of maintaining my anonymity with this delicate subject I have changed my name, age, gender, job title, location and place of employment, but everything else is absolutely true. While working at the animal complex I was assigned to the sloths. As everyone knows Sloths are a group of arboreal Neotropical xenarthran mammals, constituting the suborder Folivora. My sloth was named Felmar and he was special. Let me cut to the chase; I fell deeply in love, romantic love, with Felmar and I know he feels the same. Although there is a language barrier his gaze and touch are universal messages in any language…or species. We are planning to escape together and find some place where our special relationship will be accepted. I have some money saved and we will find a spot where he can munch on leaves, twigs and buds so finances are not a problem.
My question is: in a world where true love is so hard to find and comes but once in a lifetime, does it make sense to cast aside modern conventions and try to find our place in the world?
Confused in Kansas
Dear Confused:
Sure, go for it. What the hell.
Frederick
(Address your questions to “Ask Frederick” c/o this email)