Unfortunately the republicans pulled off the greatest FRAUD IN LOTTERY HISTORY!
Even though I have irrefutable proof that I won they are giving the $1.3 to someone else. Over the coming several months my stellar team which includes the most brilliant minds of our day; Rudy Giuliani (he works for food), Marjorie Traitor Cretin, Matt the Pedo, and the My Pillow douchebag will all swear I won! (I promised a “Pardon” of which I will, of course, immediately forget).
I demand you give me my money or I will hold my breath until I turn blue.
(Oh wait, I am blue…until I turn red!)