Archives for 2024

This year an entirely new dimension in spring cleaning is sweeping the nation, “Döstädning” or Swedish Death Cleaning!  Its basic premise is to get rid of all the junk in your home so after you kick the bucket, buy the farm or take a dirt nap, your loved ones will not have the pain of sifting through a lifetime of accumulated things that are of no value to anyone but you. But the wider interpretation is about clearing out all the unimportant clutter in your life that prevents you from experiencing life in full measure.

One of the suggestions is to get rid of anything that no longer brings you joy.  We were doing great and donated several boxes of good used items to the veteran’s thrift shop.  We gave boxes of books, small appliances like the juicer when we did the one-day green juice cleanse, a Thigh-Master, Ab-Roller, Tensolator Bullworker Isometric Exerciser, assorted jump ropes, stretch bands and ball-squeezers…I mean Squeeze balls, a Handy Household Helper that can sharpen a knife, open a can and core a apple (purchased years ago from the Magic Chef O’ the Future). a ton of “skinny clothes” I planned to wear someday including many double knits and Banlon pull-over shirts that will probably come back in style just as I lose enough weight fit back in them. 

I did suggest we take a break when I found Linda packing a suitcase of my clothing from the bedroom closet.  She admitted getting carried away a bit with that thing about ridding yourself of things that no longer bring you joy, but said it was just a joke, a mere jest for its humorous value.  She asked me to tell you she will be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress!

“…Unless it is unpleasant, in which case me will eat a cookie.” Cookie Monster, Sesame Street, U.S.A.

Take a deep breath, become present and have a cookie; perhaps even share one with someone in need.
This Hallmark Moment brought to you by betterfredthandead.com, where snarky cynicism reigns supreme and productive ideas go to die.

The kind spammers at financialbuzz.com/dont-leave-an-inheritanceyaddayadda further jammed my already out of control inbox with the above titled article.  I found this one interesting because I know our three sons are relying on their third of the 3 figure nest egg on which we subsist to carry them through old age.

But I did wonder what the author of the article, Adam Palasciano, had in mind.  He describes himself as a personal finance-obsessed and money-savvy individual who loves to hash out content on all things saving money. He specializes in writing millennial-friendly personal finance content,

Millennial-Friendly says it all.  It is mostly no-duh like “Kids may squander the money,” or dumb like “Taking away their incentive to work,” (a subject in which he is probably well versed.

But reason #11 for not leaving your savings to your kids when you die is the best!  “You may need money in retirement.”   Stupid me, not being a millennial I just assumed after you die your money worries were, for the most part, over.

A better title would have been “15 Stupid Bullet Points Created to Get Me a Payday and Avoid Having to Get a Job or Asking Dad for Another ‘Loan'”

Editor’s Note: This article is an attempt at humor.  Fred sincerely apologizes to millennials for the negative inferences directed at them.  He does not ascribe to the popular notion that millennials are lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents.  He is sure that with careful research one can find a few exceptions to the rule!

“When you face writer’s block, just lower your standards and keep going.” — Sandra Tsing Loh
      My problem is I have no standards or at least none that rise above sea level.  I have recently hidden behind the “Do Nothing” and “Site for Sale” excuses, so I will use today’s space to comply with my annual requirement to qualify as a non-profit enterprise; that is, to impart some universal wisdom to the needy masses flocking to this site for guidance.  If I can make a positive impact on just one person’s life, I will have overshot the mark by one. So here goes:
          “Life is like a flowing river.”  Now go forth, be fruitful and multiply, and using a calculator is acceptable!

(Do you see now?  Writer’s Block!)

I received an email from 30orless.com offering some amazing deals I thought might interest you:

• Philips Norelco OneBlade Intimate Body Groomer & Trimmer $23.99:  I have never seen one of these so perhaps one of you ladies would be so kind as to explain to me how you use it; and in as much detail as possible.
• Adjustable Headrest Car Tablet Holder $17.99:   Seems dangerous to me.  How will you drive and hold the glass of water?  Unless they are chewable take your tablets when not behind the wheel of a car.
• Genuine Dickies Men’s Short Sleeve Coveralls $20.00:  Might be a good deal but I am somehow uncomfortable using Dickie and short in the same sentence.
• The Pioneer Woman 18-Piece Melamine Batter Bowl Set $9.00:  Linda is an expert baker but has never made Melamine for me.  I can’t imagine why you would need 18 bowls for the batter?
• Clinique Happy 3.4 oz. Men’s EDT (eau de toilette) Spray $23.56:  I understand the pheromones released in a man’s sweat can attract the opposite sex but I fail to see how toilet water helps, even if you say it in French!
• DC Comics Batman Mask with Sound and Lights $7.96:  At Last!  A product we can all use!  I need to buy 5 to get free shipping.  Any interest in combining our orders and be one step ahead on what is sure to be the next fashion trend?

Gypsy Rose Blanchard, recently released from 8 years in prison for her part in the murder of her mom, announced she is going under the knife for a nose job and wants the public to “Wish me luck!”
Tori Spelling is letting us in as to the reason she and soon to be ex-husband Dean McSomething-or-other have slept in separate bedrooms for two years.

This sharing of intimate details, aka Crying for Attention, by unremarkable celebrities trying to hold on to their long expired 20 minutes of fame is placing an untenable strain on my fragile psyche.  Enough.

Gypsy…may I call you Gypsy?  You did your time and you don’t need a nose job.  You need a paying job because the world’s fascination with you will be short-lived. The fall will be hard so stay away from knives.
Tori:  Mom is not interested in playing with you, she has a Mahjong game going and “Keeping Up With the Spellings” was rejected by even the Lifetime Channel. The Kardashians still reign supreme on the inexplicable success story circuit.

Let’s all move on.

The 1962 film “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” stars Bette Davis as former child star Baby Jane Hudson who torments her wheelchair-bound sister Blanche, and Joan Crawford as the long-suffering sister. The film is a brilliant psychological thriller about a whack job who had a brief fling with fame and spent her life trying to regain it.  

Today, Baby Jane’s illness is called NPD.  Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.

Now who else can we easily identify as an NPD sufferer?  Perhaps a candidate for the highest office in the country that we know cares nothing for anyone but himself, lies incessantly and refuses to abandon a ridiculous comb-over rather than admit to thinning hair?  Or perhaps a grouchy old curmudgeon that self-publishes a daily blog that serves no purpose other than to feed his own ego and give credence to his tiresome and banal judgements of everyone that has more money than him?

Haha, just kidding…NOT!

8 seconds? 8 Minutes?  8 Hours?
The correct answer is 8 minutes and I assume that’s during the day while the sun is on, which begs another question; who controls the “switch” determining when the sun shines or is dark?  Mysteries of the Universe!

Science is my life!

I just received an email from Randy Garza at MisterRichSolution.com.  It contained an article from Juan Villaverde who I am assuming is a genius multi-millionaire telling me that “Three market-moving events are expected to hit the crypto market all at the same time!”  We have until April 15th to invest in the Crypto-Market.  Last time a $5,000 investment would now be over $1,000,000.  So go ahead and sink every dollar you can beg, borrow or get from selling your Luke Skywalker action figure in its original box and sink it in the crypto market.

Let me know how that works out for you!

Due to popular demand or lack thereof we have lowered the opening bid.
Do I hear a bid of $999,999.00?

My patience is wearing thin!