Archives for 2024

In 2017, 117 years after his death, Oscar Wilde, the brilliant Irish poet, novelist and playwright was pardoned by Queen Elizabeth II along with 75,000 other homosexual men that had been convicted of Gross Indecency, a long abandon hate law from a dark time in history.  A teachable moment for the world; Too bad many of the countries on our planet did not listen.

But at least in our country sexual orientation is no longer a crime or reason for discrimination, (You could argue against Florida and Texas).  Our nation is all about love and acceptance, being kind to everyone regardless of their politics, religion or financial status!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  I almost got that out with a straight face!
(Translation for millennials forward): LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

There is still time for North Somerset residents to have their say on waste and car parking.  North Somerset Council urges residents, businesses, and community organisations to take part in two consultations which includes resizing black bin collections, and modifying parking charges.  If you are one of the thousands of Weston-super-Mare, England, residents that regularly reads The Daily Inflammation you have until Tuesday, May 7, to attend a session.

As a concerned citizen of the world I print this urgent notice as a public service to my many fans in the U.K.  Please note the following:

• The estimation of the number of readers in Weston-super-Mare may be slightly overstated.
• I only seek to do good. Your praise and hero worship is not required but appreciated.
• Did you notice the cool English way I misspelled organiZation?  Brilliant!

Cheers Mates!

Dear Inexplicable Success Story aka Kim Kardashian:
       While we understand you and your family will do anything for money including your mother, in essence, pimping you out by releasing a sex tape, but this one has gone too far.  We don’t care that you make up little bits of crap about yourself you think makes you quirky like reviling the sound of cardboard, warming your zipper and washing your feet every night, presumably to keep the vile odor in check.  You have more money than you can spend in 10 lifetimes so it’s time to do the right thing; apologize to Taylor Swift.  I have no idea what the feud is about but I know you are wrong and TayTay is an Angel.  In the end you will lose so get out in front of it and beg forgiveness.

I offer you this advice freely and with no expectation of compensation but if you would like to show your gratitude with a moderate, six-figure I would not insult you by turning it down.

Hey, if you throw enough spaghetti on the wall a piece is bound to stick!

Don’t believe everything you read.  An article in a well-established health magazine said you should eat about one gram of protein per day for each pound you weigh or one gram for each pound of your desired weight.  I was 176 lbs. when I met Linda in 1974.  I know I will never get that thin again but I think 185 (or 240) might be a more realistic goal.  So I have been eating 185 grams of protein a day for 3 months and since that’s not near enough food I, of course, supplement it with fat and carbs.  I don’t know why but I have not built any muscle mass and have actually gained weight.

I think an indignant letter to the editor of the magazine is on its way!

This famous quote, in one form or another, has been attributed to many people including Confucius, Marc Anthony, Ray Bradbury and Mark Twain.  I believe it is our duty to let people know that life can be even more wonderful if you do something you love.  We all know the 45th President of the United States is totally unfit to hold office again so here are a few suggestions for dream jobs for which he can happily qualify:

• Inveterate Narcissistic Liar
• Female Genital Grabber
• Bankruptcy Coach
• Bone Spur Imagineer 
• Charity Looter
• Sociopathic Root Vegetable

Follow you dream to total fulfillment!

Do you think Matcha Tea is an exotic drink whose only function is use in Chinese and Japanese tea ceremonies?  Wrong you would be Grasshopper!   Matcha is now found in coffee shops and cafes around the world. This green powder has many benefits including improving gut and brain health, lowering stress, cancer risk.   It also lowers the risk of heart disease, boosts both memory and the health of older Americans in general. 

If you don’t have an issue with the fact it is higher in caffeine than other teas and you can get past the taste and smell which have been compared to the sweat off an incontinent sheep’s butthole, then have a cup!  It’s good for you…maybe.

Feeling a little unhinged?  Are you passionate about the fact you are right but know deep down you are wrong?  Tired of listening and believing  thousands of lies when none are ever based in fact or ever prove true?  Actually you do care about other people and are tired of all your actions belying the truth? 

Make one small change: Take off your red MAGA hat, disavow the hate it symbolizes and rejoin the human race.

You did the right thing!

Friend of the elderly, the AARP, sent me this article from their newsletter.  Thins that put you at risk for severe memory problems and possibly a form of dementia are as follows:

1. You Snore
2. You Don’t Floss
3. You Eat Junk Food
4. You Have Trouble Hearing 
5. You Skip Workouts
6. Skipping Eye Exams
7. You Are Not (Oh the Horror!) Regular
8. You Don’t Get Enough Sleep.

I think they missed an important one that takes precedence over the other 8. If you have this one it’s too late, your memory is gone.
      9. You want the 45th President of the United States returned to office.

That’s the title of an op-ed article by Michael S. Johnson on Katy Couric Media.  But who knows who he is and KC Media is an embarrassing bad blog and what an out of work journalist does to earn a buck when she can’t get a real job.  Johnson lists 5 things that will never happen but is really hawking the book he co-wrote on the same subject.  All good ideas that will never happen.

I know how to fix congress in an afternoon.  Get an office on the highest floor of the Capitol Building and defenestrate all disingenuous senators and representatives.  The 11 or so people that retain their office can govern more efficiently.  Problem Solved!

Why won’t anybody listen?

It you did not get your Federal Income Tax filed electronically or get it postmarked by midnight last night, then I have two words for you.

To be clear in my message I refer to the 1984 Thriller, Crimes of Passion and quote the scene where sexually repressed  preacher Peter Shayne (Anthony Perkins), is begging super-hot prostitute by night, China Blue (Kathleen Turner), who by day is Fashion designer Joanna Crane, to kill him before he kills her.  Peter hands China Blue a gun but when she hesitates for a second he grabs the gun back and says “TOO LATE!”

So if you did not file yet, “too late.”   Prepare to pony up an extra 10% to Uncle Sam!

(Yes, I agree.  This was a long way to go for not much of a joke, but why not?  You were on Facebook so, like me, you must have nothing better to do anyway!)