Thoughts
by Fred Berman //
No Einstein, it’s not less than 24 hours. It refers to the daylight hours in the Northern Hemisphere. The celestial event signifies the first day of winter, astronomically. More importantly, it means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas. Have you got my present yet? Don’t fret if you are late.
Cash is the new Frankincense and Myrrh.
by Fred Berman //
Cut off your head! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
That original joke (You might have heard it before…) has now been replaced by a sincere offer. Sono Bello promises you can go from size 12 to size 8 in one visit. They suck the fat from you with a type of vacuum. They tout their method is Less invasive, uses local anesthetic, and offers quicker recovery. One quick reminder in small print: “Individual results may vary.
In the words of Dirty Harry Callahan of the SFPD, “Are you feelin’ lucky Punk?” If you’re convinced this will work then give it a try. We all know diet and exercise doesn’t work because you have to eat less and actually work out. What have you got to lose?
by Fred Berman //
Art Critic: “It appears to be completely empty.”
Artist: “Thank you! Nailed it!”
by Fred Berman //
This lyric written by Johnny Mercer, music by Harry Warren, was for the 1938 film “Going Places.” 86 years ago there was no internet so answering questions like this was not as easy as it is today. I’ll bet that many people were never able to answer the question so simply went peeper-less. What a shame.
Today a quick search will offer a myriad of options but most of us will opt for the peepers at Amazon.com, where an adequate model of Peepers will only cost about $22.00; free 2-day delivery for Prime members.
Knowledge is Power!
by Fred Berman //
Words to live by from poet and novelist Margaret Durand. This has become my morning mantra.
The only thing stopping me is my inability to find Jennifer Aniston’s phone number and I am uncomfortable referring to her as “It.” Does anyone have her number? Please share.
(The above action is done with Linda’s approval. When I explained it to her she said “Sure, go ahead and tell me how it works out for you.” I must admit I may have heard a slight note of sarcasm in her reply).
by Fred Berman //
Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s on-line newsletter says yes. Forcefully blowing your nose can actually worsen your cold symptoms, says Dr. Peter Flip, a rhinologist and skull base surgeon at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Excessive nose blowing can cause a backward pressure of fluid draining from the sinuses. This could make an infection worse while also causing ear pain, headaches and nosebleeds.
One must, however, do a quick risk vs. reward analysis. If you’ve blown a giant snot-ball to leave as a message on the windshield of the jerk in the lot that parked to close or left his shopping cart behind your car, a slight headache or nosebleed seems inconsequential.
True justice comes at a price!
by Fred Berman //
Bummer!
by Fred Berman //
Born: Mt. Sinai Hospital, Chicago, IL December 14, 1950
Lived In: Chicago, Los Angeles, Culver City CA, Torrance, El Cajon CA, Simi Valley CA, Northridge CA, San Diego, Lisle IL, Chicago IL, Virginia Beach, Pasig City Philippines, Oceanside CA, Lewes England (Only 30 days but it counts!), Wilsonville OR.
Education: Darwin Elementary Chicago, Burnside Ave. Los Angeles, Farragut Elementary Culver City, Culver City Jr. High, Culver City High School, Hamilton High Los Angeles, Santa Monica College, California State University Northridge, Graduate Work UCLA (OK a bit of a stretch. I took one evening accounting class and made it through 4 or 5 sessions. But the humiliation taught me a life lesson so it also counts!)
Love: August 1974 invited to friends house after work to be the fourth player for a game of Hearts with them and their neighbor, Linda. (Yes, it was a set-up). October 1974, invited to Linda’s apartment to watch “The Poseidon Adventure” on her color TV. Never looked back. Married June 13, 1976. Everything that means anything in my life came from her including Robert, Greg and Alan.
Future: Whatev! But three things for sure: Linda, Linda & Linda!
And of course, YOU, Our friends and family around the world! We send our love and sincere thanks for your lovely greetings.
by Fred Berman //
Another Breaking News headline from People Magazine’s on-line newsletter. First by a show of hands:
1. Who has even a slight inkling as to who either of the two people are?
2. Who cares who either of these two people are?
3. Is this really headline material, two pseudo-celebrities getting a divorce.
If they are going to delve into the world of domestic unrest at least provide all the relevant facts. I’d go to Wikipedia to check them out but then I’d have to sift through pages of begging for donations to keep this terribly inaccurate website going. I already pay a fortune in taxes to get misinformation from Washington, D.C.
And if you think it’s bad now, wait until January 20, 2025, when all expectation of truth will fly away leaving nothing but world class gobbledygook emanating from our nation’s leaders. The situation is best described by the prophetic words of Cantor Jakie Rabinowitz, Al Jolson in his most famous role as The Jazz Singer, when on October 6, 1927 at the Warner Theater on Broadway, during the world premiere of the first talking motion picture that synchronized sound and vocal track, Jakie warned us “You ain’t heard nothing yet!”
Did you have any idea that this seemingly innocuous rant would veer into yet another political condemnation? I sure didn’t!
by Fred Berman //
No, not hate. FEAR!
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
So if you bought into the scare tactics employed by politicians and believe “there are good people on both sides,” and all we have to do is expel others not like us then you need to do the following:
Now aren’t you feeling better already? NEXT!