Archives for November 2024

 Have I Got an Injection for You!

It’s called Botulinum Toxin; you may know it by its brand name, Botox.  While it’s currently used by people with such low self-esteem they think a few less wrinkles will raise their social status, if injected into your armpits it can help block the signals that tell your body to produce sweat. The result: drier pits, fewer stained tees, and a noticeable reduction in body odor and I’m guessing pheromones.  So if this is important to you and you can pay out of pocket because no self-respecting medical insurance will pay for this folderol, head to Beverly Hills and find a semi-reputable medical professional to poke you.

Or… go buy a stick of Secret Roll-on and age gracefully.  
How is it you’ll pay thousands for Botox and I get nothing for sage advice that will save you a fortune?  

All languages have them, descriptive words with a lot of meaning, but the Germans have made it an art form.  A few examples that strike home today:

• Verschlimmbessern:  It means “to make things worse by trying to improve them.”
• Weltschmerz:  It describes that melancholic feeling that comes from realizing how hard it is living in the modern world.
• Erklärungsnot: Having to explain yourself quickly.
• Treppenwitz: Someone makes a joke or a witty comment, and you are left speechless, unable to figure out what to say in response to sound just as smart or funny. After the moment has passed, your brain comes up with the perfect response, but it is just too late to say it. That moment right there is treppenwitz.
• Achtungenasshitler: When an allied nation votes in a monstrous leader that emulates a German historical figure.
• Fraidassholenswine:  People so ignorant and frightened they believe a candidates lies and vote for him. 
• Schadenfreude: translates to “damage joy,” and it describes the feeling of happiness that comes from seeing another person fail, or enjoying someone’s distress. (See: Russian reaction to American Presidential Election).

Interesting…or not.

Really?  That’s so sweet.  I try and live up to your expectations every day.

Almost.

… Is it time to buy into Crypto-Currency?    
Danged if I know!  I did see a machine at the supermarket saying I could buy some there.
“President Musk, what should we do?”

“When it comes down to who has the better palate, the truth is that women may have a slight advantage. Women generally have a finer sense of taste than men.  According to a Yale study, 35% of women fall under the category of “supertasters” because they have more taste buds than the average person.”

It doesn’t really make any difference but it does entice me to make this offer to the supertaster women of the world:
     “Taste THIS for twelve minutes you sultry minx!”

Linda might be right.  I need to get a real hobby.

What metaphor do you associate with your life?
Is your life a: Roller Coaster; Chess Game; Journey; Bucket; Glass Half-Empty/Full; Mountain Climb; Run-away Train; Blank Canvas; a Bit of All Right;  Marathon; Flowing River; Ocean; Unwritten Page; Freakin’ Disaster?

My life is a bit of Heaven.  Thanks for asking!

Or be a man and most likely go down with the ship?  Let me explain.

Years ago I bought stock in ParkerVision, PRKR (OCTMKTS), a communication device company that had sued semiconductor giant Qualcomm, QCOM (NASDAQ), for patent infringement.  Who doesn’t love a David vs. Goliath story?  The suit was from 2011 and I believe I paid (working from memory here) about $5.00 a share.  I took a chance rolling the cruel stock market dice.  Unfortunately for me I rolled snake eyes on the opening roll and went bust.  ParkerVision lost and my stock, at one point, was as low as ten cents a share. 

As one of the dumbest investors in recorded history, known as the anti-Buffett, I bought more cheap shares, increasing my potential loss but also bringing my cost per share down to fifty cents.  I only need the stock to rise about 500% to break even.  Fast forward to September of this year and the Appellate Court reversed the decision against ParkerVision and sent the case back to the lower court to go to trial.  The stock shot up as high as $1.10 and closed Friday at 90 cents a share.  I can sell my shares and actually realize a small profit, attaining a rare win from the cruel and unusual stock market! 
OR…
I can roll the dice once again and hope that David finds just the right pebble, gets a shiny new slingshot and puts it right between the eyes of Goliath, emerging victorious. If that happens I’ll sail into New York Harbor on the Titanic in a first class cabin!  But if ParkerVision loses again it’s down into the ice cold depths of the ocean floor.

Ignore the mixed metaphor (Good writing is hard work), and join me on deck of the listing ship.  Let’s hope Qualcomm is sick of 13 years of litigation and throws a life preserver to us minor players treading water in the ice cold Atlantic! 

Yeah, I’m going all in!  No dress for me! (Linda said “No” to me getting my legs waxed).  I’m a man!  You’re goin’ down Qualcomm! (Please…this is only petty cash to you.  You’re just being a big meanie!)

Great advice.  Next time you want to comment on anything, don’t.
Shut your pie hole and move along.
Great advice from, I think Gandhi or W.C. Fields.
I think life would be better or, at least quieter if everyone would just SHUT UP!

I enjoy sharing these pearls of wisdom with my audience!

Seek help if you have any of these symptoms:

1. Short-Term Memory Loss:  You forgot you owe me money.
2. Word Loss:  You call a slime bag a “flirty cotton mother-trucker!”
3. Repetition:  You repeat stories. Yikes, we all have that one!
4. Worsening Sense of Direction:  You like the direction our country is taking.
5. Confusion about Time and Place:  You think we are in the Dark Ages where we have the right to control a woman’s body.
6. Financial Missteps: You forgot you owe me money.
7. Difficulty with Visual or Perceptual Tasks:  You mistakenly voted red in the last presidential election.
8. Changes in Judgment: You actually meant to vote red in the last presidential election.
9. Personality Changes: People can actually stand to be around you listening to you yammer on.
10. Misplacing Things:  Losing that condom you carried in your wallet (not remembering that was back in high school).
11. Misusing Items:  Using new condoms as water balloons, they break as easy. (How would I know?…Phew, that was close!)
12. Hallucinations:  Being so frightened and hateful you believe tax breaks for the rich and sending home undocumented aliens searching for a better life is going to make any improvement in the quality of life for our citizens.

Again, if you display any of the above symptoms see your physician…and pay back the money you owe!

Like Winona said: “…everything is changing fast, they call it progress, but I just don’t know.”
Time to take a real needs inventory.

What I Can Live Without         What I Can’t Live Without
 1. Microwave Ovens                            1. Linda & Family
 2. Cellphones                                           2. A Bamboo Back Scratcher
 3. Cars
 4. Electric Blankets
 5. Starbucks
 6. Television
 7. Nintendo or Xbox
 8. The Cloud?
 9. Air Fryers
10. Social Media
11.  Armani Suits
12.  Gluten

At my age you get a much better sense of what is important in life.