Archives for October 2024

No big deal.  Trump’s brain has been running on empty his whole life and he became president, once. 

“Never Again”, the world prays.

Ever since cave dwellers put meat on a stick and held it over a fire we have been innovating and improving cooking methods.  From the oven, to the air fryer, to the Thermomix TM6 All-in-One, we have developed hundreds of ways to prepare food.  Following are the 10 most popular methods:
Poaching, Simmering, Steaming, Boiling, Baking, Grilling, Roasting, Frying, Broiling and Stewing.

Is this humorous, helpful or even accurate?  Who knows?  But my posts have been so brilliant lately I am afraid you might start to think they are generated by A.I.  I figured putting in a real dud would at least confirm I am human and fallible.  My insecurities come from being so ugly as a kid.  My father took me to the zoo and they wouldn’t let me leave.   They used my baby picture in an ad for birth control.  When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.  I worked in a pet shop and the customers kept asking how big I’d get?

Sorry for the stolen jokes, Rodney.  Can you smell the desperation?

It might have been a slow news day but this story from on-line People Magazine is the biggest WTFC story under the title “Royal Slip-up! Buckingham Palace Makes Mistake with Princess Beatrice’s Pregnancy Announcement.”

“Screenshots obtained by Hello! show that Princess Beatrice was initially referenced as “Her Royal Highes,” an incorrect spelling of her ‘Her Royal Highness’ title.”  So the missing N & F in her title warranted a full expose!  They blew the lid off the Spellcheck Conspiracy!

Makes me nostalgic for the good old days when there was journalistic integrity and a serious paparazzi dedicated to his craft could employ a telescopic lens to catch a princess sunbathing topless; you know, REAL news.

Costco is known for its cheap rotisserie chicken filled with enough salt to stop even the healthiest of hearts and $1.50 hot dogs made with only the finest entrails of mystery animals, (rumor has it that is what trump was talking about when he said “they’re eating the dogs and cats…”), but the fantastic bargains don’t stop there.

Did you know you can get a Prime Rose Casket for $1,499.99 with free shipping, $370.00 cheaper than Amazon?  Or pick up a diamond “Tiffany style” engagement ring for almost $6,000.00 less than at Tiffany’s (although there it would really be a Tiffany and not just style).  But what better way to show your love than starting the marriage with a frugal purchase?

So next time you are considering a purchase of any kind be sure to run it by Costco.  You may get surprise bargain.  I believe you might even be able to get a huge break on medical school tuition at the University of Turks and Caicos!!

Nope, it’s not a viral joke.  Keeping a roll of soft, absorbent, unused toilet paper in the fridge keeps food fresher by soaking up moisture and odors.  Sure, you can use a box of baking soda, a cotton ball soaked in vanilla extract or a handful of crushed charcoal in a balled up sheet of newspaper (if you are retro and get a printed paper).  But what fun is that when you can have a squeezable roll of Charmin becoming infused with the aroma of left-overs and then, after 3 weeks, transfer it to the bathroom.  Who wouldn’t want their backside to smell like yesterday’s meatloaf?

Get that image out of your head next time you are served meatloaf!  (LOL, I’m such a card.  I’m a whole deck, I need to be dealt with! Ha-ha!  I’ll be here all week folks. Don’t forget to tip your waitress!)

I think most of us have lost money to an internet scam or, at least, been embarrassed or inconvenienced by information we shared on-line.  An article in the web-based newsletter from “Truthfully” lists a myriad of topics that you eventually may regret Googling.  These topics include the following: personal and sensitive information, self-diagnosed skin conditions, embarrassing searches, your symptoms, incriminating activity, graphic material and your Ex.  All good ideas but too general so here are a few specific things to never Google:

• Length of time it takes lye to breakdown genetic material.
• Best location for hidden cameras in the locker room showers.
• Can you successfully alter finger prints?
• Countries that do not have extradition treaties with the United States.
• Where to purchase Chloroform.
• Efficacy of the male enhancement suction tool “The Engorger!””
• Methods of accessing the dark web.
• Woman’s clothing in men’s sizes.
• Penalty for tax evasion.

…to name a few.

Interesting article from the Culture section of the online site Nice News.  The article goes into some detail about getting along with friends and acquaintances during these politically polarizing times.  Here are the topics covered the story:

1. Practice humility.
2. Ask respectful questions.
3. Practice empathy.
4. Focus on the positive.
5. Set Boundaries.

And have these phrases ready to diffuse a tense situation:

1. That isn’t something I want to talk about any more, can we move on?
2. I differ in opinion but that is an interesting point you make.
3. For my own reasons I’d rather not discuss this topic. Can we ditch it?
4. I respectfully disagree on this topic and think it would be best if we avoided it moving forward.

Or you might just have an epiphany and realize if you didn’t support an insane narcissistic and sociopathic felon that is the toady of corrupt billionaires and using his party to hawk merchandise for his personal profit, there would be no argument to begin with.

The simplest solution is usually the best!

What vision does the word “gumbo” conjure up in your mind?  A thick Cajun stew of chicken or seafood with greens and Okra.  The word is derived from the West African word meaning Okra.

When I think of gumbo I reflect on my first spoonful when I anxiously dipped my spoon into the delicious smelling stew and pulled out a length of okra slime that extended from my mouth to the bowl.  I neglected to mention my first spoonful was also my last.  Anytime mucous is on the menu count me out.  I am a person who enjoys about 99% of all food in existence but gumbo and Barbecued Alligator Ribs top the list of disgusting vittles that Granny might cook out back near the cee-ment pond.

We were on a free vacation in Florida in 1994.  Linda won it in a hotel sales contest and we stayed at their property The Don Ceasar among others.   While there we visited Gatorland.  My son Alan and I ordered the Alligator ribs and were treated to a rack of soft cartilage surrounded by ersatz rotting tuna, swimming in a sickeningly sweet tomato sauce.  Gag me with a spoon, it was vile!  (If I was too subtle, I did not like it).

I relate this story in the event you have me over and I wake up screaming.  You will know what I was dreaming about.

I had never heard of it before but it is indeed a thing.  I read you can celebrate by creating new and creative sandwiches and I immediately thought of one but met with resistance from Linda.  First I couldn’t find another woman to play the other slice and when I asked Linda for help I just got the usual eye roll, head shake and sigh.  Apparently it was not that kind of sandwich.  She seemed to think a creative sandwich meant unusual breads, meats, gourmet cheeses.  What a buzz kill.

Besides, if we are going to celebrate the sandwich in its pedestrian form, we must honor the one sandwich truly without peer; a sandwich enjoyed by toddlers and octogenarians alike; a sandwich that will be on the menu in perpetuity.  The sandwich that blends the spirit of the trailer park, bowling alley and roller derby into one trashy package:  It is the Kardashian equivalent of the meat and bread combo!  A sandwich of the people.  Fried bologna on white bread with mayonnaise.

One please, extra mayo!

This advice from a website call truthfully.com.  Right away you know it’s B.S. with that name.  Saying “truthfully” is the same as saying “I’m not racist but…”

First of all you should not put anything under your bed because it tends to piss off the monsters that hide under there and you DO NOT want to do that.  But if you have cordial monsters, like those in Monsters, Inc. then you might make use of at least part of the needed storage space.  The article suggests against storing food and snacks (especially fish and dairy), clothing, important documents (in case you soak through the mattress), weapons (including C4 and high-grade plutonium), photos (or I assume pornography of any type) and sentimental items (like the used truss crazy Uncle Zippy gave you for your 18th birthday).

The really interesting one was electronics because any energy or impulses emitted from the equipment might upset the harmony of the Feng Shui.  It doesn’t take a Feng Shui Master to understand electronics can wreak havoc on the serenity of your home.   But if you are concerned about your ch’i, I do provide a free, no obligation Feng Shui evaluation of your dwelling including a sweep with my modified Proton Pack and Neutrona Wand made in China specifically for this reason.
If your home is weird, and it don’t feel good, who you gonna call?

(Wow, this post went off the rails really quick.  Oh well, read at your own risk!)