Archives for July 2024

It is no easy task earning a living wage.  Most restaurant rely on their tips as they make minimum wage.  But many more jobs are trying to gain entry into the tip receiving world.  Our exterminator that gets $99.00 for about 10 minutes of pacing our small perimeter and spraying some toxic brew in the corners.  But as soon as he is finished I get a text leading me to the bill-paying site and a request to add on a tip.

The article says no tip necessary for flight attendants, plumbers, pick-up food orders, doctors, package delivery drivers, servers when tip is already on the bill, open bar at weddings and anywhere you receive sub-par service.  Seems like a “No, Duh.”  Who tips their accountant?  Who has an accountant?  I do believe tipping writers of inane website rants is an excellent policy but I’m not the one to ask…

The last tip I left is when I was circumcised! Hahahahaha!

This offer from FinanceBuzz.com.  Does anyone else see the flaw in this plan?
It’s like “Want to finally shed those extra pounds?  See us for all the Pizza and hot fudge you can eat 24/7!”

Nice, Huh?    Too Bad.  Suck it up!

I came up with a brilliant solution to my money problems and I only share it with you, my readers, because I know none of the 6 of you will rat me out!

I have an exclusive offer (I guess they know what a dynamic influencer I am) from New Yorker Magazine.  I can get an 88% discount off the cover price.  That means the 26 week cover price is $224.75.  They will discount 88% ($198.75) making my cost $26.  My genius plan is to resell subscriptions for the incredibly low price of  $112.oo, a 50% discount giving me a net profit on each sale of $86.00.  If I sell 10 a day and work 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year (I need a vacation), I’ll make over $200,000.

I’ve thought for weeks and can’t find a single flaw in my plan.  It appears to be foolproof.  My years of business experience will finally earn me what I am worth. I may write a book!

I know that you, as all of us erudite sentient beings, have pondered Prospero’s meaning when he uttered these profound words in Act IV of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.”  If you are one of the pitiable intellectual wannabes you most likely accept the standard English Lit 101 sophomoric explanation that he is commenting on the illusory nature of life.

But for those of us who have been blessed with an other-worldly intellect and always wend our way through the very soul of Shakespeare’s psyche have realized’ there is much more here, a deeper meaning that causes us to question our own existence. 

And for those of you who expect me to spoon-feed you the deep mysteries of the Universe I have unraveled I say tough toenails!  It’s for me to know and you to find out.  Nanny, Nanny, Nanny-Goat! In other words: GO FISH!  Tell your story walking, Dumbo.

I’ll show those Jerk-offs at MENSA International who’s qualified and whose not.  I’m coming for you Björn Liljeqvist!

The Daily Inflammation has a single overriding purpose, to make the world a better place. (The irony is not lost on me).

The most effective way for an individual to contribute to the health of our natural world is to reduce our carbon footprint.  Our Ocean’s are on the front lines of climate change absorbing half the carbon dioxide we pump into the atmosphere.  A start is to use mass transit, carpool and use clean energy sources.

Think about how you can help.  I believe I have discovered a new way for an individual to make a significant contribution to reducing their carbon footprint.  Whenever walking make sure not to step in Carbon.  If footprints are your goal there are many safe ways to create them; shag carpets, mud, newly seeded lawns, wet concrete, all leave fine examples of footprints without affecting climate change.  If we all do our part the Universe is sure to last at least another hundred years!

P.S. Does anyone know when the nominations for The Nobel Prize in Organic Chemistry close?

Blood has always represented family but why does calling someone a Blueblood mean they are born members of an aristocratic family?

I’ll tell you.  In the year 1212, a full three years prior to King John of England signing the Magna Carta at Runnymede, a pair of unscrupulous tailors convinced King John that they weaved a cloth so delicate and beautiful that it could not be seen by fools.  So as the King, who coincidentally had varicose veins, marched through the streets fully exposed a young and innocent lad spoke up and exclaimed, “The King has blue veins, the King has blue blood!”  The notion of blue-blooded royalty struck a nerve and became the spark that led to the Magna Carta and the birth of democracy. Which lasted until now…or a few years ago anyway.

Interesting Side Note: About 625 years after this event Danish author, Hans Christian Anderson, experiencing a crippling case of writer’s block, delved into the history books and wrote a fictionalized account of King John’s parade titled “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”  The thinly disguised tale was soon discovered by the descendants of King John who successfully sued for liable.

Although, in your case, that ship may have sailed.

Interesting article from SlashGear internet news sight.  I don’t necessarily disagree but I have my thoughts.  The reasons are:

1. It collects too much data: It knows everyone of your searches including the hours you spend on Nasty Night Nurses.com. 
2. Its content is too negative: Comrade Vladimir the Impaler and his cronies fill the columns with hate, fear and ads for expensive noodles and disgusting 2 ingredient bread.
3. It affects your mental health:  There are actually totally whack-o people so messed up by Facebook lies they think re-electing #45 is a good idea. OMG! GET THEM HELP! 
4. It disturbs your sleep:  93% of GenZ say they have lost sleep due to social media.  (For the Boomer generation social media is what the kids use instead of Stephen Colbert and Jimmies Fallon and Kimmel.
5. It wastes too much time:  You could be doing something more productive like trying to pause the Instagram video in time to see the flashing dirty pictures.

If you want the real reasons go to Slashgear.com but do you really have anything better to do anyway?

Are they really conspiracy theories if they are true?  No, they are conspiracy facts!

In 1969 when The Beatles released their eleventh studio album Abbey Road an iconic picture of the fab four crossing the road adorned the album cover.  In the picture Paul McCartney was shoeless prompting rumors of his death.  Some genius played Strawberry Fields backwards and heard John saying “I buried Paul.”  And as further proof a singer named Billy Shears was introduced on the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album.

I have learned from an unimpeachable source that, in fact, Paul did die in 1n 1966 and was replaced by Billy Shears who bore enough of a resemblance to Paul to pass unnoticed.  Although I can’t reveal my source it was given to me at great peril by a man who wished no compensation, glory or gratitude for himself, but humbly accepted $20 and a fifth of Kirkland Vodka as a gesture of goodwill.

The facts speak for themselves!