Archives for June 2024

     I think yes!
     At a recent political rally in Las Vegas, Donald Trump delivered a rambling nonsensical rant where he said if he were on a sinking boat with a powerful battery and saw a shark “10 yards over there” he would opt to be electrocuted rather than face a shark attack.  I believe we should take him at his word and do our best to accommodate him.
     Trump is scheduled to be sentenced for his felony convictions on July 11th.  While both are good options, I hope the judge is compassionate in his sentencing,  hears his request, and takes feeding him to the sharks off the table!

On the final day of shooting, the man who single-handedly ruined the show for me in about year 4 was all teary-eyed thanking everyone in the world for his amazing 14 year journey.  I feel for him as we actually have one thing in common; neither of us can act a lick.  But if I had made millions while being the weakest link on a show that should have been cancelled ten years ago I would be thankful as well.

There is one show where his lack of talent and over-inflated ego would fit in nicely and he might actually prove to be an asset.  Let’s see if his agent is savvy enough to get him booked as a regular on The Kardashians.

“Margarine was first invented in France in 1869 by French chemist Hippolyte Mège-Mouriès. Napoleon III, the leader of France at the time, was having trouble feeding his troops. He wanted a stable alternative to butter that would be useful both on campaigns and during periods of butter shortage. Mouriès was the winner of that competition. He never made much money from his invention, but it did inspire others to start producing similar inedible slime.”

So next time a terrible restaurant serves yellow paste in place of real butter (Shari’s Café) be sure to say: Merci!  Or better yet, Merde!

Why does every nitwit that gets their News from the Fox Entertainment Network or some whack-job conspiracy theory website answer a question asking for even a shred of proof of the codswallop they are spewing simply answers “Do your research?”  If any one of them did a drop of research they would discover no proof and return to their cousins and spouses (usually the same person) and be forced to face the harsh reality that they are blindly following a lunatic.

Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.  But I’m not.

     In 1909 Sonora Smart Dodd got the idea for Father’s Day during a sermon on Mother’s day.  The first Father’s Day took place in 1910 although it did not become an official holiday until 1972.  And speaking for most Father’s we appreciate the calls from our adult children on that day. 
     But listen up; you call Mom 364 days a year.  Be kind to the old man and give him a call every three or four months.

     This day, June 15th, provides an opportunity to raise awareness of the abuse, neglect, and fraud schemes committed against older Americans.
     Elder abuse comes in many forms.  You took away our flip-phones and made us carry smart phones.  After 65 we have to go to the DMV for an eye test and can no longer renew our driver’s licenses by mail and the few pennies we save on Denny’s Early Bird Specials is eaten up in the rising cost of Metamucil! 
     And regarding nursing homes or managed care facilities, I refer you to a quote the 1970 documentary, considered today to be the seminal work on preventing elder abuse; the 1970 film directed by Carl Reiner “Where’s Poppa?”  

        “You can lock her in her room, seal her in a tomb,
         but never put your mother in a home!”

“…Curiosity has its own reason for existence.”  What Einstein said that?  Albert, of course.  And he was correct.

Like Einstein and Ted Lasso said: “Be curious and ask questions.”  If you did you would not get your ass kicked by Ted in a game of darts, maybe prove Einstein’s theory of relativity correct and possibly confirm Dr. Sheldon Cooper’s hypotheses on String Theory.

So never stop asking how this sub-human adolph hitler wannabe became the leader of one of only two major political parties?  And when history judges them harshly how will these formerly learned representatives allowed themselves to be turned into compliant sheep following a tyrant into the abyss.

When you get the answer let me know.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL one year’s supply of footballs.  Wilson Sporting Goods is the official supplier to the NFL and they manufacture around 700,000 regulation footballs each year. Wilson needs about 35,000 cow hides to manufacture all of those footballs. That means a single cow hide can make about 20 footballs.  The NFL needs about 11,520 footballs for all of its games every season and that doesn’t even include practice.  

So to honor the noble cows who literally have some skin in the game, we are petitioning the NFL to have one Sunday during the season proclaimed “NFL Cow Day.” On a Sunday Afternoon we will demonstrate our love for those that gave their lives so that we may play by featuring them in an extravagant barbecue.

So fire up the coals and start grilling them steaks, Yum!

MUMBO JUMBO
[ muhm-boh juhm-boh ]
Noun, Plural mum·bo jum·bos.

1. meaningless incantation or ritual.
2. senseless or pretentious language, usually designed to obscure an issue, confuse a listener, or the like.

I have always loved saying Mumbo Jumbo!
I prefer it over banana oil, codswallop, balderdash, poppycock and hogwash.

The Board of Director of betterfredthandead.com has formally voted to adopt those two lovely words as our official company motto!
Wait till you see our Mission Statement!  All in preparation for the upcoming IPO!
Wise investors stay tuned-in!

Having recently  cleared up the mystery regarding the feeling that time speeds up as we age, I feel that providing understandable answers to the mysteries and misconceptions may be the way I can best service our society in my senior years.  So before I buy the farm and sail into that goodnight, and while a few grains of sand remain in my rapidly emptying hourglass and ahead of the grim reaper placing my address into his GPS, I will endeavor to explain in simple terms the things for which there are many opinions but only one right answer: Mine!

To the question at hand; Why do we sweat?  First, there is the generally accepted mumbo-jumbo as follows:
“Sweating is your body’s natural air conditioner. When you get hot, your body releases a liquid from your sweat glands that is mostly water but also contains salt and other minerals. This liquid, which we call sweat, comes out onto the surface of your skin. As it evaporates, it cools your skin and helps lower your body temperature.”

But Flop Sweat is caused by embarrassment and uncontrollable stress like the incomprehensible situation where one of the two frontrunners for their party’s nomination for president is going to be in office the next four years.  Yikes, I’m drenched!