Archives for January 2024

“It was on this date,  January 11, 1964, that, on behalf of the U.S. Government, Luther Terry the United States Surgeon General Luther published a report directly linking cigarette smoking to cancer.  He knew his report was a bombshell so intentionally chose to release it on January 11, 1964, a Saturday, to limit its immediate effects on the stock market.”  The link was known since the 1930s but tobacco was big business so the government chose to suppress the research.  But on this day Terry finally had the huevos to stand up and tell the truth.  How many lives could have been saved or kids protected if someone had spoken up sooner.

Makes you think about similarities to our current dilemma.  Who do we know that cost our country millions of dollars spreading election lies, fomented rebellion costing precious lives, and spreads lies and hate whenever he utters a word, all for his personal gain?  Though far from a blameless child, I will say it: “The self-proclaimed emperor has no clothes.”  He needs to be flushed so he can spend his days with other like organic matter.

Since there is very little funny about cancer, smoking and our pathetic presidential candidates I opted to go for hard-hitting (yawn) political cynicism!
I am sure my deep insights will change everybody’s mind…Now that is funny!

SPOILER ALERT: Hamburgers, Fried Chicken, Pizza, Potatoes and Gravy are NOT on the list.  

But, as part of a balanced diet, you may munch away to your heart’s content on the following:
Celery, Lettuce, Watermelon, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Grapefruit, Mushrooms, Strawberries, Blackberries, Raspberries, Blueberries, Kiwi, Carrots, Spinach and Kale.

MMMM!  You won’t know good eatin’ ’til you’ve gathered around Grannie’s iron kettle next to the cement pond out back and tasted her cauliflower, kiwi, carrot and kale stew!  And who needs salad dressing when you have celery and lettuce?  
“What’s in a name?  That which we call a kiwi by any other name would taste just as icky.”

This culturally insignificant, Shakespearean Adjacent Moment brought to you by The Daily Inflammation on Betterfredthandead.com.  A website that has apparently run out of creativity and humor.

Let’s put this behind us and move forward.  Have a piece of cake and we’ll try again tomorrow!

I just had the worst experience trying to buy an appliance at Costco.  I have purchased twice before and it was great but this time they dropped the ball.  I know it seems a bit extreme but some things are too difficult to just accept and move on. 

I will never set foot in a Costco again!   That is, at least until we need another one of those delicious rotisserie chickens they sell for the ridiculously low price of $5.00.  Probably Thursday.

“To err is human, to forgive divine,” especially when food is involved!

Simple, wrap, of course!  Shall I explain?
I go to some lengths to “wrap” our trash before depositing in the garage trash bin.  Linda was at first amused and has lately come to the conclusion I may need help.  So I have come to you, my adoring fans, to weigh in on the subject.

I don’t use wrapping paper but if we have a non-recyclable paper or plastic container I seal some trash in it.  There is a reason.  We have a small 1-car garage and it gets hot in the summer causing the trash to give off an unpleasant odor.  I tried buying a trashcan deodorant; you know, covering it up with perfume, like the French. It was inconvenient.  I had to move it each time I deposited one on my creations.  Please note: since I have begun wrapping, no smell.

Linda does not dispute the success of my work but thinks I should refrain from taking such pleasure in my wrapping skill and insisting she views it before going into the trash.  My thought is what if Picasso dumped “Starry Night” before anyone saw it?  What a loss!
So if you are ever in the neighborhood feel free to drop in for a sniff and a view.  Your journey will not go unrewarded.

Who said I would be bored in retirement!

My post of last December 26th was titled “Do you know Joanne Lakosil” where I commented on the email Joanne sent me promising to enhance my confidence in the bedroom and all I had to do was click on the link of a total stranger with an unsolicited offer.  I managed to resist that temptation but she has returned with a new email promise.  This time her offer is not something as fleeting as bedroom confidence but a “Fleet-ing” offer to a guaranteed satisfactory transaction.  Available to me was A free pdf, originating from the IP Address:  Your-Colon <Amy@rockyourhomeschool> and was as follows:

        POOP-Problems ??? (try this for perfect poops)

Although ever so tempting I again resisted following the link.  It was my #2 smart move.

(#2 jokes never get old, do they?)

On January 6, 2021, the United States Capitol Building in Washington, D.C., was attacked by a mob of supporters of then-U.S. president Donald Trump.  The number of deaths and injuries are a subject of debate but on the lowest end 4 died and well over 100 were injured.  Yet, without any reasonable explanation and in the face of multiple felony indictments too many people still support trump and want him back in office.  Of course racists, white supremacists, billionaires and pedophiles are his biggest fans but Women? Economically disadvantaged?  People of any color other than white?  Only one explanation.

Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux, the French poet and critic (everybody’s a critic these days), who has written countless works, I assume, as none come to mind at the moment, explained it best before he died in 1711.  When his personal psychic and blood-letter foretold of the rising of a great evil force assuming the American presidency on January 20, 2017, Nick uttered the familiar quote:  “Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l’admire.”

In English with the help of Google Translate: “A fool always finds someone more stupid who admires him.”

And Stupid is the kindest thing one can say about a brain-dead moron that thinks Trump should be returned to office. 

The Golden Bachelor is a dating game for senior citizens (reality TV for us chronologically advanced viewers).  This season’s star is getting married.  His name is Gerry Turner and he promises his wedding to his pick of the litter, Theresa Nist, will be a “day filled with joy!”

My guess is it will also be a day filled with Viagra and certain marital aids…not that I would know anything about that being the strong, virile…oh, who am I kidding?
“Enjoy it while you can, Gerry!”

I stumbled across a book in the library, some jerk didn’t pick it up off the floor but now I believe a greater power intervened so that I would find this book titled “Lighten Up” By Peter Walsh.  The cover gives you clues as to Peter’s view of life by informing us he is also the author of “It’s All Too Much” and “Enough Already!”

You can imagine my disappointment when I found out it was not a miracle diet book.  The notes on the cover of “Lighten Up” say, “Love What You Have, Have What You Need, Be Happier With Less.

What a great message this sends to our youth and all people struggling for a better life and to achieve a lofty goal.  It promotes ideas such as:

• Quit trying so hard. You won’t do any better.
• You can’t take it with you so why try to get it.
• Girls, you can achieve great things…in the kitchen.
• Be happy with less as it is still more than you deserve.
• Being kind, courteous and striving to do build a better world through compassion. HA! Enough already.
• Face it.  Daddy didn’t have much so neither will you.

At least that’s what I assume the book is about.  Perhaps I should have read it but there are so many words and no pictures!

Oh Boy, an election year!  I am already inundated with texts and emails from both parties begging for money.

Is it really possible that most of the human beings, and I use the term loosely, we elected to govern our country are fear-mongering, name-calling liars with no other agenda beyond retaining power, self-enrichment and promoting their personal religious views.  And they look us in the eye and say:

• The last presidential election was stolen.
• January 6th, an event where people died, people were injured and our nation’s capitol building damaged, resulted from high-spirited tourists.
• Accusing the other party, whichever one is speaking at the time, of being bent on the destruction of our crumbling nation.
• A narcissistic accused felon sociopath with less value than a cow-pie and no other goal than to channel Adolph Hitler and be dictator for life, is the best choice, out of 300,000,000 people to be president (I left out the bad comb-over part this time because physical attributes are not politically correct).

I believe I was a little over-zealous when it comes to the use of dashes, but hopefully the poor grammatical showing did not detract from imparting my message of despair.  And for you bowlers out there if you missed the strike I hope you get DESPAIR!  (Groan…)

Have a “Politics-Free” day!

Aaron Rodgers, fading but adequate quarterback who reportedly wears a tin foil hat when not playing, said he expects Jimmy Kimmel to be on the list.  The “Epstein list” refers to a slew of court documents that will be gradually unsealed this month and are expected to reveal approximately 150 names of people who are in some way connected to the Epstein court case.  Some Jeffrey Epstein associates may be suspected perverts and pedophiles.  

Kimmel responded: “For the record, I’ve not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Jeffrey Epstein, nor will you find my name on any ‘list’ other than the clearly-phony nonsense list that soft-brained wackos like you (Rodgers) can’t seem to distinguish from reality.”

When asked to respond Aaron Rodgers may have said: “I stand by my statement. Now have some of this delicious candy and get into my van!”

I refuse to take sides in these silly arguments.