Archives for January 2024

Stop wasting time.  Live each day as if it were your last.  Grab life by the huevos and Live, Live, LIVE!
Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butter.  The parade goes on rain or shine!
Now get out there and bravely face the day ya crazy kid ya!
Be brave no matter what life throws at you!

And shut off the lights on your way out.  I’m going back to sleep.  That’s important too.

There must be a supreme being.  Only the master of all things could conjure up this vile amalgamation of everything evil in the world and release him as a viable candidate to be returned to office after being soundly beaten just a few short years ago.  But still I ask, “Why him?”

After exhaustive research I believe I found a plausible answer.  And where did I find the answer?   I turned to the world’s greatest repository of wisdom; a place where each week scholars from all backgrounds (as long as they were Sicilian) shared their unique insights with the viewing public, a select group whose credentials to receive these visionary nuggets of gold came in the form of a monthly subscription to HBO.  I speak, of course, about televisions first family of offers that can’t be refused, The Sopranos!

As Richie Aprile said to Tony Soprano when Soprano quizzed him on another unanswerable conundrum: “Richie, what are you doing with my sister?”
(Context: Richie had moved in with Tony’s sister Janice, a less than gorgeous shrew with an annoying voice).  Richie’s brilliant response:
“To each his own Tone, to each his own.”

And therein lies the answer to my query: “To each his own.”  That must be it…I guess?

     First, get your mind out of the gutter.  I am not talking about the horizontal tango, the beast with two backs or any event that may occur between two people at bedtime, or morning, noon, in the bedroom, or in living room, or in the kitchen on the counter…a story for another time.
     The article is a major disappointment as it comparison of the top brands of sheets and which are best in specific areas such as:

• Most Comfortable
• Best Value
• Best Cooling
• Best Hotel Style

     I’ll cut right to the end: The best overall sheet according to the people with so much surplus time on their hands they actually care about this sheet is (drum roll), Boll and Branch Signature Hemmed Sheets at just under $300.00 for a queen set.

Random sheet thoughts:
Personally I don’t give a sheet…a second thought.
We all took a sheet…to my friend’s birthday party.  It was the sheetiest party ever!
If you put a sheet on toast instead of creamed chipped would it be called sheet on a shingle?
Be careful not to step on a dog’s sheet.   Get out and take your sheet with you.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s fictional detective was a master of the obvious and slept on a bare mattress; No Sheet Sherlock.
I think Free Jazz is sheet music.
This very thin, only marginally humorous premise has worn out quickly.  It probably should never have seen the light of day. 

No Sheet!

According to a recent analysis of 30 car brands by online lending marketplace LendingTree, Tesla drivers have the highest accident rate of any car.  Between November 2022 and November 2023, based on tens of millions of insurance quotes, Tesla drivers were involved in 23.54 accidents per 1,000 drivers. Ram truck drivers were a close second, at 22.76.

The award is the second this year for Tesla C.E.O. Elon Musk who also took home the gold for “Asshole of the Year.”  He narrowly missed securing an “Awards Trifecta” this season by getting edged out for “Egomaniacal Sociopath of the Year” by…oh you know, do I really have to say it AGAIN?

Use your imagination.  What if we could live a day, a week or a lifetime without unreasonable fear?  I am not talking about fear of falling, of traffic accidents or some rampant virus.  We learn how to take precautions to mitigate the risks of daily life.  I am speaking of manufactured fears, those jammed down our throats to get us to comply with the fear-mongers only driven by greed and monstrous egos that hunger for power.

What if we had an incredibly perverse ex-president that had an epiphany and presented a plan to fix the shame that in this rich nation children go to bed hungry?  What if he spoke of improving our educational system rather than suspending the Constitution and getting even with his enemies?  What if he told us of plans to see all Americans have access to affordable healthcare rather than lie about our election process?  What if his strategy was to face climate change rather than appealing to racist hate-organizations by warning our borders are under attack by immigrants, you know those people who believed the promise of America because a relatively few commit crimes?  What if he presented plans to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure instead of squandering millions on an ineffectual wall he will see as a shrine to himself? 

But there was no epiphany.  He is what he is.  If we weren’t racists, fraidy-cats and misinformed xenophobic sheep would there be anyone left stupid enough to vote for a man like that?  I want to believe the answer is no.   A guy can dream, can’t he?

On a happier note I can’t wait for this Friday when we can watch Episode 8 of “Reacher” and hopefully see Shane Langston, aka T-1000, aka Robert Patrick, get a well-deserved ass-kicking (or dare I hope a graphic mutilation?) from Reacher!

I am a man of many parts…some working better than others.

The Dailymotion video on Google Chrome unmasks the hidden truth about buffet food.  Many of us are shocked to learn that the fried food at that $9.95 all-you-can-eat buffet might not be the best quality on the market. They want us to believe that crispy fried chicken and shrimp is mostly fat, salt and batter.  It is also their contention that the meat and fish are not of the highest quality.

I’ll pause here and give you a minute to let that sink in.  It’s a real blow to those who are into fine dining at an affordable price.

So much for the Buffet’s dream of being awarded a Michelin Star.

According to a recent study from  JAMA Network Open, a full 80% of patients intentionally withheld the truth from their doctor.  Even a small error of omission can have a negative impact on your health.  The reason for the lie?  Mainly patients didn’t want to be judged or lectured or were embarrassed.  But isn’t the doctor’s office a judgement free zone?  Men, so what if you have a thing on your weenie or impacted bowels?  Ladies, did you feel unusual discomfort during an extended “Reverse Cowgirl” or had an anal bleaching go wrong?”  Tell your doctor! Not only can he or she help, but don’t doctors deserve a good laugh once in a while?  It’s a very stressful job.

(Too much?  Sorry, your good health is too important to me to not be direct…Yeah…we’ll go with that.)

Welcome and thank you for joining me in this meditation to bring calm to you in a world gone mad.  Remember meditation is not religious, you do not have to sit in a specific position nor does it require knowledge or belief in any special entity or power.  It is simply a way to bring you into the present, let go of the pain of the past and allay fears of the future.  Remember two things:

• You are the creator of your feelings, not the victim of them.
• You are a part of nature, not apart from it.

Let’s begin.  Close your eyes and relax.  Concentrate on your breathing, slow and deep.  Now imagine the light of the universe illuminating your thoughts.  It is a bright and uplifting light bringing peace and clarity.  Go into that light; go into the light as it bathes you in healing…WAIT! STOP!  Don’t go in…Helloooo, are you still there?  Anyone?

Oops, sorry.  My bad.

It’s an outdated and insulting cliché that we, the Boomers who have considerable life experience based on our time on earth, have yet to master or even accept new technology.  Still the organization dedicated to the well-being of our generation does not agree and publishes basics of modern technology for our continuing education.  And while I rail against the stereotype I must admit I, on occasion, get a helpful tip so it is with an open mind I read this article.  Here are a few of the tips explained:

1. To find your phone in the dark simply say “Hey Siri, turn on my flashlight.”  Duh!
2. You can create custom vibrations although I’ve heard men find it annoying when their wife’s phone vibrates incessantly while they are trying to sleep.
3. You can fix Siri’s pronunciation although why would I want her to sound smarter than me?  Smarter than I…No, me.
4. You can shake to delete and restore writing.  This is a good tip but they needed more specific information because to make it work you must be holding the phone when shaking.

How about a technology tip for you of the younger generation from us old boomers?  When having a meal with friends and family, home or away, whether experiencing the Omakase at Sushi Ichimura in Tribeca, or munching a buck-fifty hot dog and drink at the Costco snack bar, put your sacred cellphone in your pocket and try actual face-to-face conversation.  And whatever happens do NOT prove your point by pulling up something on the screen and shoving the phone in everybody’s face to smugly demonstrate your imagined intellectual superiority!

You have to be a member to access the AARP’s wisdom.  I offer mine free of charge.  You’re welcome!

According to Dr. Sue Morter at drsuemorter.com “a staggering 70% of adults carry unresolved trauma, often rooted in early life experiences? This hidden trauma is a silent catalyst for a myriad of challenges – from chronic fatigue and anxiety to relationship struggles and financial hurdles. However, the silver lining in this revelation is profound: the psychological, neurological, and biochemical impacts of trauma are not only identifiable but also reversible.”

To help you overcome these challenges Dr. Sue is hosting 2024 Trauma Super Conference. This event will be presented online from January 29 to February 4, 2024 and is free of charge, but I can save you the endless post event marketing, precious time and tedious effort.  To resolve any trauma from your past do the following:
When an adult child asks to move back in with you use the one word unfamiliar to most of us parents when talking to our children,  “NO.”

Problem Solved. (And magic is real!)