Archives for 2023

At the time of my retirement I had amassed 993,000 and knew getting the 7,000 would be a challenge.  But with a few domestic flights I just crossed the required one million miles flown on Delta Airlines.  Along with a boarding gate announcement, a Famous Amos chocolate chip cookie (immediately consumed by Linda), and a “Million Miler” passport case I received a thousand dollar credit toward my next flight on Delta.  

Not bad for a poor boy from the south side of Chicago in the badest part of town.  If you’d have asked that young lad with stars in his eyes how many frequent flier miles he would amass in his lifetime he would have sheepishly replied: “How the F*&% do I know?”

Dare to dream!

       The crane symbolizes honor, good fortune, loyalty and longevity.  These formidable characteristics give the crane such special meaning and why the Japanese believed that anyone with the patience and commitment to fold 1,000 origami cranes would be given good fortune and granted a wish. 

If 100 of you would fold 10 cranes each in my name I would have my 1,000 in no time. 

Wake me when you are done so I can make my wish.  I love ancient traditions!   

According to their website: “Truth Social is America’s “Big Tent” social media platform that encourages an open, free, and honest global conversation without discriminating on the basis of political ideology.”

And if you believe one word of that you need to check in to a clinic. Outpatient psychiatric care it’s no longer sufficient.  I don’t think I have ever seen that much baloney packed into one sandwich.

Think about the bar and all you can do with it.  Which use of BAR is your favorite?

1. Raising the bar to accomplish great things.
2. Lowering the bar to get by with little effort.
3. Stopping in at the bar and have a drink after work…or before.
4. Crossing the bar, aka taking the dirt nap.
5. Passing the Bar, joining the 1%…of lawyers that are positive forces in our society.
6. Barring a sociopathic narcissist from turning our Republic into a nazi-inspired dictatorship.

I’ll go with #6.

World-renowned genital reconstructive surgeon Richard “Dick” X. Tender has pioneered a new surgery that will extend by 2 full inches the length of a man’s penis, thereby removing the main impetus for gun nuts pathological need to fondle an AR-15.  They can regress to their childhood and spend the day fondling themselves like the good ol’ days!  Hopefully the surgery will move the “gun nut soft spot” from their groin to their hearts.

I can think of about 200 things off the top of my head.  
I’m not sure who came up with that quote but you can be sure they were broke.

Linda and I are travelling to Morrisville, NC and Sugar Grove, Virginia, to visit our son Robert and daughter-in-law Angie; four grandchildren, Alyssa, Logan, Sierra and Kam; three great grandchildren, Levi, Zander and Hazel and a Maltese-poodle mix named Gretzky that has acknowledged, albeit non-verbally with licks, that I am quite skilled at scratching behind one’s ears.

I hope the crushing disappointment of my silence will not ruin your otherwise glorious day.

I know some of you naysayers think People Magazine is all fluff but here are a few hard-hitting news stories that were reported exclusively by them:

1. “Kourtney Kardashian (and her daughter Penelope!) feel ‘so triggered’ by Tristan Thompson.”  Is it appropriate for Kourtney to be discussing getting “triggered” by Tristan with Penelope?  Ugh! The Kardashians.
2. “Denise Richards ‘Trying to Talk’ Daughter Sami out of ‘Toxic’ Breast Implants. ‘It’s Painful’.”  No pain, no gain!
3. “JoJo Siwa says she has not “stuck a hair bow” in her hair in 2 years.”  Chilling as a new one appears on her head every morning!
4. “MO teacher accused of sending nude photos to student, 16.”  Interactive learning. Where were these great teachers when I was in high school?
5. “John Stamos says he caught former girlfriend Teri Copley in bed with Tony Danza.” Weird. I’d have thought she’d catch the two of them in bed.

People Magazine:  “All the News That’s Fit to Print!”

When I was a teenager an overt sexual act like that would require you marry the girl.  
These days they just call it having a “Beard.”

Poor Kris!  Has it been too long since you were in the news so you thought people would give a rat’s ass about your torrid affair with a guy who has recently had his dick cut off?  He said it was to become a woman which at least explains how he managed to have sex with you.

We all know you pimped out your daughters and made millions.  Your money gets you plenty of male attention.  Take away your fortune and you would be living in a one bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley with a dozen cats.

Now take the money and go away!  Wait a sec…I have a better idea.  I am a self-appointed internet influencer and the only difference between me and Kim is you being her manager.  Would you consider taking me on as a client?  After all, I am a man and do find your money quite alluring…Baby!

(P.S. I do need to first get Linda’s approval as being the object of someone else’s desire is new to me.  But, we could use a few million dollars…)