Archives for 2023

Chewing gum can help you stay focused for longer on tasks that require continuous monitoring.  This is the finding of research by Kate Morgan and colleagues from Cardiff University, published in the British Journal of Psychology.

While this might be a great help if you are working alone on a task that requires your undivided attention, my research indicates that if you chew gum while talking to, or are in the presence of one or more other people, you are 50 times more likely to get punched in the face based on this offensive and incredibly annoying habit.

Publish that in your freakin’ journal Kate!

F. Scott Fitzgerald, whose full name is Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald was named after his distant relative Francis Scott Key, who wrote the words to “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
F. Michael Berman, (that’s me for those among you who are, perhaps, less perceptive), has the same first initial and middle name of F, Michael Higginbotham, the Wilson H. Elkins Professor of Law at the University of Baltimore School of Law. He is the author of Race Law: Cases, Commentary, and Questions, a copy of which costs $137.10 and a deluxe hardbound edition of F. Scotts The Great Gatsby goes for $15.39. 

By using single copy price on Amazon.com as a measure of writing skill one can surmise that my namesake is the superior author, so I win.
(Wow, I just reread this whole post and it makes no sense whatsoever…I’m going with it anyway).

Side Note: In his book Ghosts of Jim Crow, F. Michael Higginbotham argues that despite Barack Obama’s election win, we’re far from that imagined equality utopia.  Indeed, the shadows of Jim Crow era laws and attitudes continue to perpetuate systemic prejudice and racism in the 21st century.  When I read this I dashed off a note to my name doppelganger:
     Dear Professor Higginbotham:
          No, duh!
     F. Michael B

Linda and I have dear friends all over the world and have done a lot of travelling, more recently to Ireland and England.  Being a pretentious clown, a title I wear proudly, I have taken to adopting some of their colorful colloquial expressions as my own.  Here are just three examples:

-Tickety-Boo: “I am having a wonderful day.  Hope all is tickety-boo with you too!”  You can’t say those words without smiling.

-You’re Not Wrong: This phrase I learned in Ireland is to tell someone they are correct by using a double-negative. It caresses the ear like a lyrical refrain from a jaunty Irish tune. “You’re not wrong, mate!” 

-Bob’s Your Uncle: The perfect way to say the plans you have will no doubt produce the desired outcome.  ” We will invite them over for dinner, pour a lot of wine, praise their generosity, ask for the loan, they’ll say yes and boom, Bob’s your uncle!”  
This last one is more problematic because I have a brother Bob.  Very confusing to me!   I tried changing it to “Myron’s your uncle” but it never caught on.

Oh well…?  I guess I threw a spanner in the works and made a dog’s dinner out of this post. I lost the plot, producing pure codswollop.  Perhaps, as an honorary Scouser, when I return to Blighty this bit of faff will be forgiven.

Yep…Pretentious!

We have not had a major innovation in the pursuit of couch potato-ism since the invention of the remote control whereby you no longer had to make the gargantuan effort to get up and hike the 6 paces to the television for the purpose of changing the channel. 
Thanks to ROKU ingenuity we now have voice-activated remotes and no longer have to waste time, energy and natural resources to press the buttons.

I think we might be seeing Roku engineers in Oslo next year.  This might be the key to ending war and hunger forever!

In my quest to explain the mysteries of the Universe I have come up with an insightful question.  Off the top of your head, if you had to give up one of these parts of your brain, which would it be?

1.  The Cerebrum, among other things it controls speech, thought, emotions, reading, writing, and learning.
2.  The Cerebellum, for maintaining posture and balance.
3.  The Medulla Oblongata, the conduit for nerve signals to the body.

Hmmm.  Quite the conundrum.  Many successful people seem to make little use of the Cerebrum, but…?
Food for thought!

I read this article explaining five rules on how to create a personal uniform aka how to display your essence through a stylish and cool wardrobe.  One of the selling points was that a personal style makes your morning decision of what to wear much easier.  I can’t say that I have a reputation as a fashionista but I have been known to rock an argyle sweater and sock combo!  Still, at 72, I reasoned a word from a younger man on current trends might be helpful. 

The article has five steps but I quit after step two and am satisfied my clothes speak for me. 
Step One:  Evaluate your Lifestyle: I’m retired and I pretty much hang out with Linda and occasionally post this gibberish.
Step Two:  Start with What You Have:  I have 7 pairs of sweatpants and 14 Tee Shirts,

To Do List:  Create Personal Uniform. CHECK!

Those of you old enough to remember television from 1958 to 1964 know this famous phrase.  Kookie parked cars at 77 Sunset Strip, the address of the Baily & Spencer Detective Agency.  He eventually became so popular, the writers morphed him into a private detective as well.  Kookie was known for his thick, wavy hair that he combed multiple times a day, sparking this signature line.  From then on in real life he was forever known as Ed “Kookie” Burns.

I only bring up this memory to show you how one acting gig can make, or kill, a career. 
Donna Douglas was forever Ellie May, wearing a bikini to swim in the cement pond. 
Dawn Wells lived on as Mary Ann, the second hottest chick on Gilligan’s Island. 
Ned Beatty, as wonderful a character actor as he was, will always be remembered with his pants down, bent over a rock squealing like a pig in Deliverance. 

But people like me, the outliers of this business we call Show, have never had this type of stigma but challenges all the same.  Quite the opposite.  Whenever in public I am besieged by adoring fans mistaking me for George Clooney, asking for an autograph or to pose with me for a group selfie.  And I have not the heart to disappoint the little people so I play along to give them their memorable moment.

It’s my selfless contribution to bring joy to the world.

After the US military shot down three mysterious objects over North America last weekend, there has been speculation that these are alien craft and may have been recovered and secretly shipped off to area 51 in Roswell, NM.  But the White House made it clear this week that no, this is not an alien invasion. 
“I know there have been questions and concerns about this, but there is no — again no — indication of aliens (or) extraterrestrial activity,” White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters on Monday. 

No mention was made of the rumor that a grotesque orange colored alien-like figure with a bad comb-over was shot down over Florida and was later spotted on a golf course in Palm Beach, Florida. 

What are they hiding?

It’s been awhile since last I shared the wisdom of Edgar Cayce, this quote being from his CCL 257-62 (CCL?  Your guess is as good as mine).
But you can’t argue with the thought.  One good friend is all you need.  If you have more the odds raise exponentially that one will someday want to borrow money from you.  

The NTKF website, Need to Know Facts, sent this disturbing information today.
Alaska and Maine suffer from the same humiliation; neither state has ever sent a team to the NCAA March Madness Basketball Tournament.  Alaska has an excuse.  They do not have a Division 1 team.  But woe is Maine.  They qualify but are simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH!  We cannot let this go on.

I am giving Maine a “Time-Out” to sit and think about what they’ve done.  By June 1st I want to see a plan to get their Division 1 team (or teams?) up to tournament caliber.  It is not rocket-science.  Do what other universities do to attract talent, offer incentives. 

• Surrogates to attend classes and take tests.
• Guaranteed grades.   
• Degree of choice.
• Higher salaries
• Free Air Jordan Shoes, (am I behind the times in this one?)
• All expenses paid one-on-one Tutoring, (if you know what I mean and I’m guessing you do).

There is a lot of money in that tournament and isn’t that what education is all about?