Archives for 2023

How did a serving of baked goodies become synonymous with an easily completed task? 

I have many questions but little time so I’ll put them on the back burner, bite the bullet, refrain from counting my chickens before they’re hatched, stop beating around the bush, put my best foot forward, lay my cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may.

I can go all day.  How much time do you have?

It is a rare day when I do not have anything snarky, nasty or radical left (aka trying to enlighten those mystery souls that still support Donald Turd), but today I love everyone and simply want to wish all of you a wonderful and uplifting day.

(See, was that so hard…YES, it was!)

More help for those of us that are gathering years, aka getting old.  These include the standard “no duh” things like getting lost; confusion about time and date; stark behavioral changes; repeating a story over and over again.  But it seems they have left out the most important one; believing that background checks and gun registration infringes on the 2nd amendment.

Oops!  My bad.  That doesn’t mean you have dementia, it means you are demented.  Subtle difference.

There are a thousand or more over-the-counter products that you can get at your local supermarket or 90% of you can eliminate your problem without the use of drugs by employing one small fix.  Stop listening to the news or fear-mongering speeches belching fire and brimstone from the sleazebag politicians in Washington.

Hear that?  Silence…Ahhhhhhh!  I feel better already.

When one of my daily posts actually helps a person it is usually an unintentional byproduct of me trying to be snarky.  But forgiveness and its connection to mental and physical health is an interest of mine.  I fought and overcame excruciating back pain with a small amount of physical therapy and a large dose of forgiveness.  It works.  In this spirit I share the REACH method:

• Recall the hurt: Acknowledge the hurt without brushing off your feelings and make a decision to forgive without retaliation.
• Empathize: Try to understand why the person who wronged you might have done so, so you can heal. 
• Altruistic gift: Give the gift of forgiveness.
• Commit: Write down who you forgave and your decision to forgive, so you can better commit and make the forgiveness last.
• Hold onto forgiveness: Come back to your decision and hold onto the reason you chose to forgive.

You can actually download the workbook at: reach.discoverforgiveness.org
Forgiving someone can help relieve depression, anxiety and physical maladies. (Look for my new self-help book coming soon: The Forgiveness Diet)

Then, if you are still unable to forgive, rededicate your life to making the bastard suffer!
(But be sure to have a supply of Extra Strength Bayer Back and Body Pain Reliever on hand).

     Now in my seventies and obsessed with health as my body is systematically falling apart I am always on the lookout for helpful articles.  Whether it’s in The Harvard Medical Journal, the AARP Newsletter or the Healthline site, I am there figuring how to squeeze an extra day or two here on earth.
      I’ve noted that many articles I read are memorable for the information they don’t provide.  This article speaks to all the types of pain, blood and bodily discharges that signal an illness.  But there is one simple rule that everyone can apply to quickly improve health and chances of longevity.  I share it with you free of charge:
      Prior to entering the shower, stand straight with your arms at your sides.  Then without bending forward, look straight down.  If you are unable to see your genitals, knees or toes due to a protruding stomach immediately increase exercise, eat less and prioritize a good night’s sleep to lose weight and maintain energy throughout the day.

Also, do as I say, not as I do.

And fortunately you are on one of the only websites other than a dictionary that uses this word. Its proper pronunciation is as follows:
[ flok-suh-naw-suh-nahy-hil-uh-pil-uh-fi-key-shuhn ]
Used in a Sentence: “Holy Floccinaucinihilipilification Batman!”

This lesson provided free of charge. Your sincere appreciation for my selfless help is payment enough!

This fall ABC will be introducing a new version of The Bachelor.  It’d title, The Golden Bachelor, airing right after Dancing with the Stars and will feature romance seekers over the age of 55. 

Always an idea man I figured this might be my big break into television; acting being one of my many pursuits in retirement.  To get noticed I composed a letter to the producers suggesting they cast me, a sure ratings booster, as their first contestant.  Linda, (or in this case Ms. Buzzkill!), postulated that happily married men, no matter how handsome, that have been with their true love for almost 50 years, are not the key demographic the producers are searching for in a contestant.  

That just doesn’t seem fair!  Well, back to the proverbial drawing board for a new plan to be discovered.  I guess I’ll never understand this business we call Show!

An interesting article that is worthy of sharing with you.  I have a few great tips but one was so spectacular that I decided to share it alone so as not to take away from the dramatic difference it can make in the lives of young and old, rich and poor alike.

The suggestion is to eat your hamburger upside down.  To be clear, you may remain upright but turn your hamburger over as the top of the bun is usually more stable and will prevent the sandwich from separating and leaving you with a sloppy last bite or two. Awe inspiring idea.

And the dude who wrote that got his work in print while I, a real writer, am still searching for a publisher for my 1100 page autobiographical masterwork; “A Life So Rich.”

Where’s the justice?

Perhaps it’s time to rethink that Hermes Birkin Bag, those Jimmy Choo shoes and Brioni suits.
Buy Kika Vargas and Sergio Hudson at Target, or a nicely tailored off-the-rack suit at Men’s Wearhouse!  Who can tell the difference?

I’m here to help.  You’re welcome.