Archives for October 2023

The Oktoberfest start date is a conundrum worth investigating but I will leave that to you as I am a busy man.  If you figure it out let me know.

The festival originated on October 12, 1810, in celebration of the marriage of the crown prince of Bavaria, who later became King Louis I, to Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen.  I attended the Munich celebration in 1970 and every year since Linda and I have been together we make it a priority to try to attend the fete in Munich.  Unfortunately we have yet to make it there.

The good news is Linda’s Dirndl still fits and she has the bow properly tied on the right side. Whew!  My Lederhosen, however, are a different story.  Does anyone have a size 2XL Bavarian Lederhosen I can borrow for a week?  If not, “Ach Du Lieber Augustin!”  We’ll try again next year!

We owe People Magazine a debt of gratitude as they continue to deliver important news we can’t get anywhere else.  Today’s email contains the following blockbusters:

• Rich Paul says he and Adele are “in a good space.” – That’s a load off.  I didn’t know if the Kardashians had bought up all the good spaces or not.
• Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas, aka Aphrodite and Wolfman, who managed to stay married long enough to pop out two daughters, have reached a temporary custody agreement.  I wonder whose Nanny gets the first shift?
• Jody Turner-Smith is spotted with her daughter Juno, 3, one week after filing for divorce.  WOW!  They spotted a mother with her daughter.  That’s like spotting Big Foot, Nessie and Waldo all in one day.

Thank you People Magazine! I feel totally prepared to face the unique challenges of today now that I am armed with the pertinent facts!

 Let me blow the lid right off of this question.  Current wisdom says no, do not eat right before bed as your metabolism slows and the food does not digest at the same rate as when you are active.  It is not strictly calories in/calories out.

There is a new trend among the younger generations to have dinner earlier and even go a step farther with intermittent fasting.  So dinner at 4:30PM is enjoying a new popularity and we lovers of restaurant’s early bird specials are gaining respect!  We are no longer pathetic old geezers but trend-setting health influencers.

What about eating in bed?  A topic for another time.

On October 8, 1871, flames spark in the Chicago barn of Patrick and Catherine O’Leary, igniting a two-day blaze that killed over 200 people, destroyed 17,450 buildings, left 100,000 homeless and caused an estimated $200 million (in 1871 dollars; roughly $4 billion in 2021 dollars) in damages.

Legend has it the fire began when the O’Leary cow kicked over a lantern.  By way of apology, the legend states, Pat and Cathy had their neighbors over the next night to feast on only the finest cuts of the now sizzling bovine treat.  The final part of the legend says the neighbors all stayed overnight and shared rooms with spouses; just not their own.  So apparently some good came out of the fire.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!

Squirrels are an amazing animal.

Not only can the average tree squirrel clear a space of up to 20 feet across when jumping from tree to tree, they are also capable of leaping four to nine feet straight up in the air.  Squirrels are acrobatic, intelligent and adaptable.  The Eastern Grey Squirrel can run up to 20 miles per hour and they all have the intelligence and agility to zigzag to avoid predators.

No wonder I have been so unsuccessful at catching them.  I guess I’ll have to find a slower animal to bring back to my laboratory for experiments.  Better yet, perhaps I should skip a step and go directly to human trials.  Any volunteers?

Cats have the ability to out-sprint the world’s fastest human runner. The fastest a human can run is about 27 mph, and that speed has been reached by very few talented, well-trained athletes in top condition. Your average athlete may run up to 22 mph, and most of us would have trouble out-running an elephant, which can clip along at around 10 – 15 mph. An average healthy housecat, however, can bolt at an amazing speed of about 30 mph.

To see a demonstration of their speed simply bring out the cat-carrier and mention the word “Groomer” or “Vet” and witness your cat break the land speed record!

It began as what I thought was real.  But when I awoke with a frightening scream playing in my head, drenched in sweat and trembling to my core I was no longer sure; I wasn’t sure of anything.  Was it real or a dream; more accurately a nightmare.  Glancing at the clock as I flew from bed to my computer, 3:33AM.  Checking the news sites I saw no mention of it.  It was a dream!

But now the thought is out in the Universe.  With our government in disarray, empathy replaced by greed and narcissism and a widening disparity in socio-economic strata, what if non-fungible tokens, all of a sudden, became Fungible?

Chaos would reign supreme!

Bill Gates, zillionaire Microsoft guy, in his Gates Notes Blog has some interesting facts regarding math class, specifically algebra; more students here flunk algebra than any other course.  Studies also show that students who finish algebra by the end of ninth grade are likelier to go to college and get well-paid jobs, while those who fail it only have a one-in-five chance of finishing high school.

So why use popcorn?  I assumed it was because this country’s elected officials prioritize so many things over our educational system like allowing the rampant proliferation of weapons and promoting their religious beliefs to control women’s bodies, the remaining meager budget does not allow for textbooks.  So school districts opted to supply salty treats to students for them to enjoy while listening to the teacher lecture.

Actually it has more to do with an innovative and caring 8th grade algebra teacher in Chula Vista, CA, named Amilcar Fernandez.  He has found ways to keep the students engaged and one lesson incudes the method of calculating volume in odd shaped popcorn packages.  I’d go into more detail but I can’t because I failed Algebra III in 9th grade and made it all the way through college without another math class.   

I would, however, enjoy some popcorn.

This from the EAT THIS, NOT THAT newsletter. Hope you have a weak gag reflex.  It might make it possible to get through this list that includes: olive oil sardines dipped in plain Greek yogurt, legume pasta, canned lentils and frozen whole grain waffles washed down with soy milk.  Yum!

Here is a better list of processed food people want from the EAT THIS, NOT THAT HEALTHY CRAP newsletter. Fried Oscar Mayer Bologna on white with mayo; Cheddar Cheese Goldfish; Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (original); Jiffy Corn bread; Marie Callender’s Lattice Cherry Pie and a bag of Chips Ahoy. 

Nothing beats the old classics!

There is a catch, however.  It is only pork that has been created in the laboratory.

For the first time in history, lab-grown meat was recently given a kosher certification.  The Orthodox Union, a leading kosher certification agency, granted its first kosher certification to lab-grown meat made by Super-Meat, an Israeli startup that uses stem cells from eggs. This is a significant development for the world of kosher supervision.

According to The Ingolstadt Gazette, local celebrity recluse Dr. Victor von Frankenstein had worked many long, sleepless nights during violent thunderstorms to create the ersatz meat.  When asked for confirmation, Dr. Frankenstein’s trusted lab assistant Igor said, “Mwaaahhhhahahhahahahahahahahahah! We’ve done it.  You’ve done it Master! I shall toast you with the blood of a small rodent!”

(And, to all you literature buffs, I did mix my characters from two gothic novels, but few will notice if you keep your mouth shut!)

**** Editor’s Note:  No pigs were harmed in the making of this post.