Archives for September 2023

This list from the “Eat This, Not That” website.  The foods are: Chicken breast, salmon, Greek yogurt, eggs, leafy greens, berries, oats, quinoa,  avocado, nuts, legumes and water.  These foods are an integral part of my eating plan often making up 90% of the food I consume in a day and yet my abs still resemble a bowl of pasty white Jell-O.

I must have missed something in the article so I am going to re-read it; actually “read it” would be more accurate.  There are only so many hours in a day!

The above titled instructional email came to me from the NPR Health newsletter and I must share this valuable information with you, my legions of reader.  Are you aware that fiber in your diet has many uses other than to guarantee you a daily front row seat on the porcelain bus?  It does much more than allow you to drop the kids off at the pool once a day, although that is a fortunate byproduct of consuming fiber.  Ushering the browns to the Super Bowl is a great perk but Fiber deserves more credit in its contribution to your overall health.

Diets rich in fiber are linked to a lower risk of major health problems, including obesity, Type 2 diabetes, certain cancers and cardiovascular disease. Fiber helps control blood sugar levels and lowers cholesterol and inflammation.  NPR suggests you add fiber by adding a variety of high fiber foods to your diet such as air-popped popcorn, avocados, sweet potatoes, black beans and chickpeas (I prefer calling them garbanzos, GAR-bon-zos; gar-BON-Zos; gar-bon-ZOs, such fun to say), just to name a few.

So the next time you execute an aerial raid on Porcelainistan, remember your co-pilot Fiber does more than opening the bomber doors!

“…To keep your balance you must keep moving.”  This wisdom from that real smart guy, some kind of scientist I think, Albert Einstein.  Good as far as it goes but the thought needs updating for use in our new reality.  I am up to the task.  Continue Albert’s thought as follows:

“But to keep moving one must make sure all parts are in working order.  The chain, used to move the wheels, does not restrict our creativity and must be tight and well lubricated.  Tires need rubber and proper inflation to provide a comfortable ride and the seat must be built for comfort, not for speed.  And to keep your balance and your freedom, you must be able to provide documentation in the form of a sales receipt for the bicycle, especially if the bike greatly resembles a model that went missing from a neighbor’s garage around the corner.”

I trust this updated aphorism will provide you all the guidance you need to be successful in this Theatre of the Absurd we call Existence.

Want more? (Who wouldn’t?).  Look for our new collaboration in bookstores and head shops near you: “Albert and Fred’s Roadmap for Life!”

Did you know bats rarely develop cancer? The winged mammals possess remarkable immunity when it comes to diseases, which is largely attributed to genetic adaptations. And while that’s wonderful for them, we humans would love to harness that power too.  Scientists are closer to understanding bat’s resistance to cancer.  A team of scientists examined the genes responsible for the rapidly evolving immune systems.  Their aim was to unravel the bat’s unique ability to combat deadly viruses.  Armen Scheben, author and study lead said “By generating these new bat genomes and comparing them to other mammals we continue to find extraordinary new adaptations in antiviral and anticancer genes

There is a downside though.  When preparing the vaccine great care must be taken to avoid mixing their DNA with their fecal matter which is highly toxic and causes insanity.  Apparently several tainted doses were released in Washington DC and Palm Beach, Florida, explaining why our political leaders are all bat-shit crazy (Rim shot).

Thank you!  I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress (Oops, I mean non-gender specific server.  How woke am I?).

The Judiciary Act of 1789 is passed by Congress and signed by President George Washington, establishing the Supreme Court of the United States as a tribunal made up of six justices who were to serve on the court until death or retirement.  On September 26th all six appointments were confirmed by the Congress.  John Jay presided as Chief Justice. John Rutledge, William Cushing, John Blair, Robert Harrison and James Wilson became associate justices; all honorable patriots who swore to uphold the Constitution.

Only 234 years later we have an eclectic mix of judges; two or three bought and paid for by billionaires who have a variety of clever ways to filter them money; an accused rapist who made it very clear during his confirmation that “he likes beer!”  Add a fanatic that puts her religious beliefs before the Constitution and a few assorted people that actually care about our freedom and the rule of law and “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present…”The Supremes.”  Nine people setting us back 100 years!

I should have gone to law school!  “I could have had class, I could have been a contender.  I could have been somebody!” Or I might have ended up on the Supreme Court and had a few extra dollars!

Minister Onís and Secretary Adams reached an agreement whereby Spain ceded East Florida to the United States and renounced all claim to West Florida.   Per the Treaty of Adams-Onis (1819) and Transcontinental Treaty (1821), Spain received no compensation, but the United States agreed to assume liability for $5 million in damage done by American citizens who rebelled against Spain.

In Spain this event is celebrated as National Put-One-Over-on-the USA Day and homes all over the country display a red and yellow banner with the holiday slogan:
“Best Deal Ever!”  

(There is a persistent rumor that Palmetto Bugs are not native to Florida but were imported by Spain as a going away gift in 1821)

I know I am late to the Game, but on the Scoville Scale of Hotness it seems to me Emilia Clarke dropped about 10,000 units lower when she removed her Daenerys Targaryen platinum blond wig and returned to her natural brunette shade. 

 Three words of advice Emilia: Preference by L’Oreal.

On September 23, 1875 notorious 18 year old outlaw Billy the Kid was arrested for the first time for stealing a basket of laundry.  He went on to be tied to 21 murders and several arrests before he was killed in a gun fight at age 21. Even with all the arrests I am sure he looked back with fondness on his first arrest, before he was killed, of course. 

Who can forget that first time, the intoxicating thrill of being ordered on your knees by a handsome and powerful police person?  The adrenaline rush from the soft caress of your arms as the cuffs are carefully clasped to your wrists, rendering you powerless and rife with anticipation as you surrender to the mercy of your captors. All leading up to the grand finish, the clank of the cell door as you eye the top bunk while your 400 lb. cellmate Bubba gives you that come hither smile, points in the direction of his main interest and utters in a smoky, sultry voice with just a note of Alabaman drawl: “You sure are purty!”

Good times!

A very promising title from the AARP Health Newsletter.  I let my mind wander through thoughts of lean meats, partially skimmed cheeses, whole grain breads made with oat and spelt flour and salad dressing with balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil.  But alas, it was but a dream.  What I read was a litany of much less exciting foods evoking from me a deep sigh of disappointment. 

But almost immediately I made the bold decision to end the pity party and decided to come up with a way to make these healthy foods work.  Alone they did not seem like a gourmet treat, but what about creating some exciting combinations.  So if you join us for dinner here are some of the creative dishes that will soon turn up in posh eateries around the globe:

• Creamy Pasta with kiwi and cauliflower, hold the pasta and replace with shredded lettuce.
• Broccoli and celery slices served over a bed of shredded carrots.
• A cup of watermelon cubes over kiwi slices and mound of wilted spinach.
• Mushroom sushi wrapped in a nori-like kale leaf with the rice replaced with nothing.

Yum.

Is there a more satisfying word in the English Language?  It must be great to be from there because you get to say it every day; “That’s right I am from AND in Cahoots!”

Cahoots, Cahoots, Cahoots!

What if you use it as a verb?  Can you cahoots anywhere or do you have to be “In?”  Normally I would not spend any time at all on something this deep but retirement has given me the time to ponder the mysteries of the Universe.  You are in luck!  I choose to share them with you.

Now all together: Cahoots, Cahoots, CahootsCahootsCahoots!  Isn’t it the best?

You are welcome.