Archives for August 2023

“Oh Goody!”  Another Hollywood has-been or never-was is sharing her eating disorder battle with the world, like we give a rat’s ass.

People Magazine reports “Whitney Port, Hills alum, said on her podcast that she plans to speak to a nutritionist and eating disorder specialist after realizing her eating habits are unhealthy.”  Whitney herself said, “I’m obviously not giving my body the nutrients it needs.”   Oh SNAP!  What an unrehearsed, heart-felt expression of her deeply troubled soul.  “I’m not giving my body the nutrition it needs?”  Who talks like that? 
Her husband Tim Port nee Rosenman gave a shocking quote saying “she looks too thin.”  So deeply personal and newsworthy.  I would think it’s because he feels like he’s climbing on top of a coat rack.

What Whitney is craving is publicity which is no longer achieved through the public airing of your personal problems, real or imagined.  And something so pedestrian like an eating disorder. Yawn, so 20 minutes ago.  Take a multi-vitamin, have a sandwich and get back to work.  Taco Bell is hiring; starting pay is $16.25 an hour.

(OOOHH, I’m so mean!  I’ll save my sympathy for people with real problems, in the real world, like the Kim and Kanye)

Wise words indeed from one of the great thinkers of this or any time!  I have drawn a blank so I go back to my roots.  Why was the Daily Inflammation started; what’s my motivation?  It was a safety valve, a place to release pressure through unreasonable yet thought provoking rants.  So I call on one of the most beloved characters in literature, a most relatable person to whom we all can look up to and admire.

I draw on the inspiration of a man with whom we all share a bit of essential nature, Ebenezer Scrooge (pre-visit from the three spirits on Christmas Eve).  In the spirit of Christmas and every other day of the year I offer you this heartfelt sentiment:
Bah!  Humbug!
Oh that felt good.  I’m back baby!

Like I just did in the title. 
But you can’t use that one, it’s mine!   Make up your own, Einstein.
Yes, that’s how contentious I’m feeling today! 
There is only one remedy; one thing that can calm the beast: 
listening to the Andantino from Mozart’s Flute and Harp Concerto, K.299.
Bellissima!!

Pretentious?  Moi?

Truth from German-American actress and singer Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992).  Counting my blessings I am rich; married to an Angel for almost 50 years, wonderful family and friends, a roof over my head and wanting for nothing.  That being said let’s move on and show me the money!

Those blessings don’t buy you Masayoshi Takayama’s Omakase at Masa in NYC; a Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud or the Penthouse at the Pierre Hotel.  You know; the important things in life!

William Shakespeare had it right.  He just didn’t go far enough.  Maybe the cosmetic plastic surgeons were better in his day but what they have done to some celebrities is worthy of capital punishment.  I know from whence I speak, for example:

• Kenny Rogers: The Gambler did not know when to hold ’em.
• Mickey Roark:   Looks more like a gender transition.
• Helen Hunt :   Resembles “lionitis” like Eric Stoltz in “Mask”
• Christa Miller:  “Cougar Town”…Yummy. “Shrinking” a deer caught in the headlights.
• Courtney Cox:  So pretty in “Friends” but does she think her stretched epidermis looks better than a few age lines?
• Carrot Top:  “Aaarrrrrggghhhhh! Someone call animal control!!

The list goes on and on.  I know it might seem a bit disingenuous for me to be criticizing other’s looks having been born, shall we agree, pleasing to the eye?  I assure you there is no cosmetic surgery in my future; facial surgery that is.  If they ever run a special on liposuction I might be talked into letting them suck out some fat cells.  LOL, just kidding…or am I?

The Palace responded to inquiries from People Magazine back in July saying that during President’s visit to Windsor Castle the King was “entirely comfortable” with the touch.  The source went on to say “What a wonderful symbol of warmth and affection it was between both the individuals and their nations.”

I watched the encounter with great interest.  As someone adept at reading between the lines I will clear things up for you.  The above assessment is good for as far as it goes, but I think there was much more going on than met the untrained eye.  The light caress of fingers on the exquisite regal suit from Savile Row tailors Gieves & Hawkes seemed to delight King Charles as evidenced by an almost imperceptible yet undeniable smile from the corner of His Majesty’s mouth.  As the two world leader’s eyes met there was a flash of understanding; an announcement that this was more than a random act of camaraderie but rather a deep connection sending a lightning bolt of understanding directly through to their soul.  This interaction required two glasses of King Charles Private Reserve Highgrove Organic Single Malt Scotch to complete the circle of understanding between the two eminent dignitaries.  And then the moment passed, yet the bond between two men and two countries grew ever stronger!

You missed all that, didn’t you?  Glad I could help!
#Brilliant insights  #Magnificent Journalism  #Pulitzer Prize

U-n-f-e-t-t-e-r-e-d.  Perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused words in the English Language.

The key to understanding the meaning is to first realize that to be unfettered one MUST have, at one time, been fettered.  If you are not fettered and have never been fettered, you are not unfettered but rather non-fettered.  But a bunch of you non-erudite mutilators of the proper English grammar jauntily go on your merry way classifying non-fettered individuals and groups as unfettered or even worse, fetterless (Don’t get me started!)

Well, my fine fettered friend, I hope this has helped to unfetter you and open you to an unfettered life of joy and prosperity, keeping in mind the following: “What good is money if you don’t have your health?”

I know, I’m losing it.  You try coming up with something new every day!

“And I’ll show you a happy man!”  So much wisdom shared with us by the Latin Teacher George McAllister in the film Dead Poet’s Society. 

So that’s the answer?  Let go of all your dreams and aspirations and settle for a life of mediocrity.  Turn a blind eye to the suffering of others and focus on getting by.  Revel in free music on You Tube, free porn on the internet and a Dollar Menu at McDonalds.  If you time it right you can avoid having to pick up after your dog or pushing the shopping cart 12 feet to the corral. Basically become a complete idiot devoid of humanity.  But anything is better than a radical socialist trying to help a fellow human being, right?

These people have a club.  You can tell the members by their red ball cap that says MAGA.

“Recent statistics from the Department of Labor show that America’s gender pay gap has shrunk 22% since 1979, meaning it’s now at an all-time low.  In the second quarter of 2023, women made 84 cents for every $1 dollar men made for similar work, compared to 62 cents in 1979.”

At betterfredthandead.com we are currently looking for an attractive female equity partner to buy in and assume a leadership role.  I have always believed in equality of the sexes but men had nothing to do with this.  Women get 100% of the credit for this historic victory.  Chicks are finally learning their place!

Congrats!  You’re the best Babe!

Not fond of being the Home Town Buffet for one of the approximately 3,600 species of small flies comprising the family Culicidae?  The word “mosquito” is Spanish for “little fly,” not to be confused with the legendary but non-existent “Spanish fly.”  (Or is it real?)
Following are are five suggestions on how to repel the little biting buggers:

1. Bathe with coconut scented soap.  They’re not fans of Pina Coladas.
2. Spray the bottoms of walls with a child/pet safe insecticide. They have friends in low places.
3. Wear EPA approved (since 1990) permethrin treated clothing.  Available, I assume, at fine clothiers everywhere.
4. Wear green, purple, blue or white clothing.  Apparently they locate targets by the spectrum and these are the least attractive.  Go figure?
5. Wear insect repellent containing Deets.  If someone asks you for the “deets” spray the crap out of them

While these may help lessen mosquito bites, they are no help in eradicating the vile insect-like candidates that populate our presidential election process.  For that we have to rely on indictments and they currently seem to be even less effective than Deets.