Archives for July 2023

Although best known for his debaucheries, political murders and persecution of Christians, popular legend holds that Emperor Nero fiddled while the city burned.
It ain’t necessarily so.
     First:   The fiddle did not even exist at the time. Instead, Nero was well known for his talent on the lyre.
     Second:  Nero was actually 35 miles away in Antium when the fire broke out. In fact, he let his palace be used as a shelter.

Modern theory holds that Nero actually sang while Rome burned, but that his freakishly thin vocal chords sounded like the yet to be invented violin.
(Yawn) Sorry, it’s a slow news day!

How cool is Sweden?  Very!  One might say “Cutting Edge.”
Just a few examples: 
     Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad started the company in Älmhult, Sweden in 1943 with the first catalog coming out in 1951.  People worldwide have been buying, putting together, missing parts and swearing never to buy another piece of Ikea ever since.  But you’ve got to love the meatballs!
    Blonds.  Of course Sweden doesn’t have a monopoly on women with blond hair but perhaps a combination of their healthy glow, easy smile and willingness to waive the “three date rule” makes them special.  (I don’t know this to be true from personal experience but it has been confirmed by the Letters to the Editor columns in both Playboy and Hustler Magazine. 
     Boiled Potatoes: Sweden celebrates midsummer, the harvest season, with boiled potatoes served with butter and dill; yum!
     Sunlight: In an inexplicable phenomena Sweden gets 18 hours and 41 minutes of sunlight in June and the skies never completely darken.  The opposite is true in Winter. (Inexplicable unless you believe the science about a spherical earth revolving around the sun).
      Recycling: Sweden recycles 99% of its locally produced waste.

     Thank you Sweden.  A grateful planet salutes you!

Just when I’d thought I’d received every kind of offer known to man I get this one in my email.  I can, for a small fee only to cover costs of course, get a list of obituaries for the dearly departed with my last name.  I believe this is a little TMI.

Each morning I wake up and make sure I am in my bed and not floating down the River Styx in a canoe; reach over and make sure Linda is next to me and then get up and start the day!  That’s all I need to know.

A list of dead people with my last name will do nothing to add to my day.  I’m going to let this one go.

Strictly for philanthropic reasons U.S. Bank sent me some fabulous ideas as to how NOT to go broke in my old age.  Some of their cutting edge ideas include the following:

• Create a financial plan.
• Diversify your investment portfolio.
• Save for emergencies and large purchases.
• Invest in insurance.
• Be “tax smart” to preserve wealth.
• Have an estate plan to leave a legacy.

And if this isn’t amazing enough, they are willing to guide you through all these steps for just a small percentage of your funds each month.  My first thought is to say “YES, help me save what little I have left.”  But after rereading their ideas I feel they might not be the best advisors as they have missed many of the modern ideas of wealth gathering and preservation such as:

• Move back in with your parents.
• Purchase tickets weekly for both the Powerball and Mega Millions Lottery.
• Seek out wealthy Princes from other countries than Nigeria.  He can’t be the only royalty needing help transferring money.
• Launder money for a South American drug cartel (Please see section on “Risk vs. Reward.” 
• Max out credit cards on pizza and beer and hope for the best

If it were not for the millennials and Kardashians what would I have to rant about?

Sounds promising, right?   Especially for someone like me obsessed with weight loss.  Here I’m thinking the AARP magazine has my back.  I was all ready to drop those extra pounds eating only these 10 things.  Then I read the list:

1. Celery
2. Lettuce
3. Watermelon
4. Broccoli and cauliflower
5. Grapefruit
6. Mushrooms
7. Berries (strawberries, blueberries, blackberries)
8. Kiwi
9. Carrots
10. Spinach and kale

Ok, I’ll have a small order of each along with a fully loaded 5 Guys Bacon Cheeseburger and an order of fries.  Just water to drink. 
I’m on a diet.

The subject line of an interesting email I received this morning from Frances Popp, Managing editor of The Intelligent Investor (classic oxymoron).  I wondered what a “regular American” was and, as I understand the term, is a non-wealthy citizen; one who is undeserving of help and guidance from our government because they cannot make huge donations to political action committees. 

This message is touting the information millionaire investor (his designation) Brad Thomas has gleaned from a “little known section of the IRS Code” that Brad has been studying for years. (He must not be much of a student).  Brad will sell you this “no duh” information (Gee, guess how he became a millionaire?) for an exorbitant price.  The article is filled with testimonials from successful students of Brad who are singing his praises and telling of the thousands in cash they rake in every month.  You probably recognize these household names like Neil P, Elaine T, Dr. Jeffery S and perhaps the most famous of all, Carl W. a 70 year old Texas banker who expects to collect as much as $73,363 on his next payout.

If you need the link to get started investing here let me know.  But, don’t wait too long.  There are limited books available and they expect they all will be acquired soon by a Nigerian Prince with $5,000,000 he needs to get to The United States.

On July 5, 1946, French designer Louis Réard unveiled a daring two-piece swimsuit at the Piscine Molitor, a popular swimming pool in Paris. Parisian showgirl Micheline Bernardini modeled the new fashion, which Réard dubbed a “Bikini.”  If the thought of a French beauty displaying her physical attributes is distracting you from your daily tasks then let me offer you this image to help; me in a skimpy speedo.

If that did not cool you right down seek professional help!

Who would have thought after only 246 years we could have accomplished all this:

• No affordable national healthcare.
• The widest economic gap with 10% of the people holding 76% of the wealth.
• A Supreme Court bought and paid for by billionaires.
• Two political parties that spend all their time calling the opposition names like schoolchildren.
• An accused felon ex-president whose main accomplishment was falsely undermining confidence in our election process.
• White supremacy and intolerance on the rise.  
• A crumbling infrastructure.

But on the plus side there are 630 varieties of pet foods available.  It’s good to have choices!

I would, however, be careful if that stranger bears an uncanny resemblance to Jeffery Dahmer.

Journey with me back to the 1950’s when the back of a comic book offered its readers a treasure trove of fantastic items; toy soldiers, sea monkeys, ant farms and the must have item for any adventurous boy, x-ray glasses.  The advertisement made no claims but asked the question “Are you really seeing through those clothes?”  The glasses produced a hazy shadow-like form and in no way satisfied a lad’s desire to see through clothing…for scientific purposes, of course.  We did not have the internet and life still held a few mysteries that today’s kids will never experience.  So the glasses ended up in a drawer with me lamenting the fact I wasted my $1.49 and could have had a box of soldiers or a secret decoder ring. 
Dang!