Archives for July 2023

Any regular reader of my daily rant (or more accurately I should say “all three regular readers”) know I keep up with the AARP Newsletter and share some critical insights as they are the one organization that looks out for us oldies but goodies, 55 years+.  They now have published a map and identify specific scams by geographic location available at this link:   
https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/tracking-map

One major scam of which to be aware is the plethora of unscrupulous individuals that ask for large donations so that they may join the fight against scams. 
In order to insure no one falls victim to this unconscionable theft please send me a large donation so that I may join the fight against scammers.

You have to give me credit for two things; consistency and predictability.  I will never give up!

I have spoken before, and will again, of my love of old classic Broadway Musicals.  One of my favorites, Meredith Wilson’s The Music Man recently came to mind.  In the film version charlatan Professor Harold Hill (Robert Preston) woos Marion the Librarian (Shirley Jones) while scamming the town into buying all the instruments for a boys band with the promise he will teach them how to play.  But he is a fake and convinces the band all they have to do is think about the tune, Beethoven’s Minuet in G and soon they’ll be able to play it.

Long story short they buy the instruments, discover he’s a fake, Marion and Harold fall in love, Marion’s little brother (Ron Howard) comes out of his dark shell, the boys manage to “think” a shaky version of the minuet and the band forms, the town forgives and everyone lives happily ever after!

The point of this long, self-indulgent reverie is that if the think system really works, (and it must because even in a musical they would not make things like that up), why not apply it to real life?  I read an article by the Harvard Medical School about seniors exercising through knee and hip pain.  Their suggestions include a lot of physical movement.  A bolt of genius lightning struck me and I developed “The Think System” for exercise and weight loss.  Before marketing it I decided to try it myself. The results were a touch disappointing.  After four weeks I gained 3 lbs. and am as sore as ever.

I know I am on to something but the solution eludes me.  Quiet!  I have to think!

When Linda and I visited China several years ago we were surprised to see that Pizza Hut was considered a fine-dining establishment.  On the pedestrian mall in Shanghai there were two Pizza huts a few hundred yards apart and on Friday night there were long lines of waiting diners at both locations.  As tourists we opted for a more local cuisine we called Chinese food, but were fascinated by the crowds at Pizza hut.

I am not sure how Pizza Hut Restaurants are doing in China these days but they are still making history.  The Pizza Hut Chicken Parmesan Sandwich with Breadstick Dipping Sauce and Fries was named one of the unhealthiest orders at any fast food restaurant.  One sandwich contains 1,790 calories, 99 grams of fat (22g saturated fat), 4,380g sodium, 174g carbs and 54g protein.  Yum!

I believe the government should subsidize the sandwich so they can sell them for 1/2 price in Shanghai.  It might be our most effective secret weapon!

     According to Dylan Jovine, Founder and CEO of Behind the Markets newsletter, the following is true:

• On August 10th the U.S. Government is going to make an announcement that can radically alter my retirement.
• Goldman-Sachs and J.P. Morgan have quietly warned their richest clients to prepare for it.
• Billionaires George Soros, Seth Klarman and David Tepper have sold 103 stocks to prepare for it.

     All I have to do to get this information is sign up for his newsletter to get this valuable information.  I am not sure but I assume he will need my social security number as well as my pin code for the ATM.
     I’m not worried as I don’t own much stock but my heart goes out to Jeff Bezos.  He just built a $500 Million yacht and apparently no one has warned him.  Anybody have his cellphone number?

I read this an article, “What Not to Store in the Attic” in Better Homes and Gardens.  I know what you are thinking.  What is a macho guy like me doing reading a woman’s magazine?  Well wake up America, we are a much more fluid society and I am not afraid to get in touch with my feminine side.  Besides, I am retired and have a little extra time. I prefer to spend my day following Linda around and keeping her entertained, but she has suggested that it is ok for me to cultivate other interests that do not require I am with her all day…every day.  She has always sacrificed for me.  You see why I love her?

Anyway, their list is quite pedestrian; all things you know intuitively, candles and crayons that melt, fabric that gets eaten by moths, books and holiday decorating items that get dry and act as kindling and flammables that can turn your home into a 5 alarm nightmare.  So what do you keep in an attic?   I don’t have an attic but I did some research and the following list is what some celebrities keep in their attic:

• Michael Jackson – Kept cases of Left-handed gloves.
• Jeff Bezos – An extra 20 0r 30 billion dollars in case he is ever forced to pay income tax.
• Ron DeSantis – His milk of human kindness (gone sour in the heat and humidity).
• Jeffrey Dahmer – Spare parts.
• Taylor Swift – Voodoo Dolls of Katy Perry, Kanye West (I know) and Nicki Minaj.
• Elon Musk – The tons of ego he can’t fit on his abbreviated frame.
• D.J. Trump – Prepaid FedEx document envelopes addressed to Russia and North Korea.
• The Kardashians – Any talent they may possess.  I am not sure it’s in the Attic but it’s nowhere else to be seen.
• George Clooney – Briefcases filled with $1m…Never mind. He is just too dreamy to make fun of!

If you know any of these people and I’m wrong please let me know.  It is always my aim to be 100% accurate…

The fact that we “oldies but goodies” like an early dinner was a great source of humor for young people.  The jokes invariably included references to the Early Bird Specials at Denny’s or were paired with a comment on an 8:30PM bedtime.  But I had a plausible excuse.  Working remotely from Oregon with my office three hours ahead in Virginia meant that I was at my desk at 5:00AM Pacific Time and my 5:00PM dinner actually equated to 8:00PM in my circadian rhythm.  We both know that was a cover.  Although retired for 5 years Linda and I still eat dinner at 5:00PM.  But as it turns out we were trendsetters and now the millennial world follows our lead.

The Wall Street Journal reports America is becoming a nation of early birds demonstrated by a significant rise in early dinner reservations beginning at 5:00PM.  Many high-end restaurants are now closing their kitchens by 8:00PM, adjusting to the new reality.

If you still feel eating early is uncool but you really want to do it, I have another plausible excuse you may use: intermittent fasting.  Trendy, cool and perhaps healthy?  Maybe you should reconsider that 8:30PM bedtime…?

     There is now a group of scholars that believe William Shakespeare may have been Jewish.  That does sound incredible as his play “The Merchant of Venice” is openly anti-Semitic; his children were baptized and he was married and buried in the church.  
     But consider the fact that during his lifetime Jews were not allowed to live in England.  They were expelled in 1290 and would not be invited back until 1656, 40 years after Shakespeare’s death.  (My guess is the population clamored for the return of matzo ball soup).  He had no place to go. The lower east side of Manhattan was not yet the Jewish capital in America.
      Researchers have compiled a great deal of evidence he had more than a superficial knowledge of Judaism.  For example:

• He had over 2,000 Biblical references in his plays and it is evident he knew the Hebrew Version an well as the Hebrew language.
• Scholars cite proof he knew The Mishna and The Talmud – written collections of ancient oral and written traditions from which Jewish law is derived…or something close to it. (I am a bit fuzzy here, but that never stopped me from ranting about a subject!).
•  Quotes from the Oral Torah are hidden throughout his works some claim that his plays contain hints of the Zohar, Judaism’s chief mystical text.

So Irwin M. Fletcher, you choose what you want to believe.  His legacy remains intact regardless.
We move on to Harry Belafonte. His perfect pronunciation of the Hebrew lyrics in the 1959 recording of Hava Nagila cannot be by accident.  Harry might have been a lonsman!

This came in my email today from “The Press Rundown.”   The eight factors held no surprises.  Keep up physical activity, maintain a healthy diet and weight, get enough sleep, do not overlook your mental health, cultivate loving relationships, use alcohol in moderation and don’t smoke.

What is most remarkable is what they left out.  I have been told that sending me money provides stress-relief and a heart-warming feeling that can result in additional years of good health and happiness.  I.M. me for details!
Live long and prosper!

Note:  Results are not guaranteed and not endorsed by any government or private regulating body.  If you do choose to donate you do so voluntarily have no recourse or legal grounds for a refund. 
Please consult your lawyer before donating and if he tells you it’s a good idea…get another lawyer!  (Thanks Groucho!)

When someone thinks, perhaps erroneously, that no one likes them it is called Avoidance Personality Disorder, suffered by people who are unable to recognize their good and bad qualities.  I am not able to comment on those suffering souls.  I am talking about people that are truly disliked because of something they said.

I said part one because I am certain that one day in the future I will rant on more or newly discovered reasons.  But for the purposes of this lesson I will put down five phrases people utter that insures they will be disliked.  For Example: 

• “I am going to be honest with you”. Professing your honesty in any form means that you have lied profusely in the past; so much so that you need to clarify that the next statement is the truth, which you have just convinced the listener it is not.  LIAR!
• “I tell it like it is.”  Everyone should, but since you say it like that you are telling us we do not share your honesty or insights. F-you jerk-wad. 
• “I’m a Mama Bear!”  Might as well say the whole statement: “I am a better mother and care more about my children than you care about yours so I’ll micro-manage their lives and not allow them any risk or creativity, turning them into needy, co-dependent weaklings who will never make it on their own…like ME!
• “I’m an Alpha Male” so if you are an independent, intelligent woman run, don’t walk, away because I am an insufferable misogynist who can only satisfy one person intellectually, philosophically and sexually and that person is ME!
• “I am not a racist but…”  You might as well be honest and cut holes in a pillowcase, wear a white sheet with a swastika sewn on and lay in a big supply of cross-burning material.  The superlative adverb for how monumentally racist you are has not been coined yet.

OR alternatively you can always be honest, tell it like it is, protect your family, be open and fair in your relationships and treat everyone with respect regardless of any racial, religious or physical differences.  Then S-T-F-U and stop needing to tell everyone.  They will see it.

Rupi Kaur is a favorite poet of mine.  Her raw honesty and ability to express her most intimate emotions allows her to create beauty with her verse. She is in my “Best Books” and I have recommended her in past posts.

The Broward County library district’s book review committee voted to remove three texts by poet Rupi Kaur because of sexual content.  One of the Committee members said her favorite poem is from “The Sun and All Her Flowers,” one of Rupi Kaur’s texts under review, but she was still in favor of removing the book because it includes 3 drawings depicting outlines of naked bodies; pictures so innocuous I doubt a horny teenager could work up a good enough fantasy to rub one out!

The best part of this story is the name of the committee member that appears to share my love of Rupi’s poetry.  It’s Michelle Beavers, but I’m not sure anyone under the age of 40 gets the irony considering the new trends in intimate grooming.