Archives for February 2023

     Literally.  The Chill Pill is not a pill but a pill-shaped device that fits into the palm of your hand. It delivers pulses of low-intensity electric currents that, according to the manufacturer, help you fall asleep fast and stay asleep.  Intrigued? There’s more!  It also reduces stress and anxiety and helps restore balance to your brain’s neurochemicals, improving your sleep quality over time.
    Sound too good to be true or possibly dangerous.  Let me put your mind at ease.  The advertisement also states, “Backed by science & tested to be completely safe!”  And only $49.95 + Shipping & Handling from the MYM (Mend Your Mental) company.  Just send your credit card, bank account number and password to an invisible company on the internet and cross your fingers.

OR I can suggest a lower cost, safer method of falling asleep.  Get a dim blue light so as not to interrupt your circadian rhythm and begin reading my posts from January 1st.  I guarantee you will be fast asleep by the 4th.  You’re welcome.

    I have previously shared items from the article “65 Items Helping People Over 65″ but nothing as helpful as this gem!  There is now a computer app called RoboForm that “securely” auto fills all your “securely” stored passwords and auto-fills forms as well.  Did I mention it does it “securely?”  You need only memorize 1 password and RoboForm “securely” does the rest.  
    Although I heard the developers are out of the country, you need not speak Russian to use it.  And if you buy the deluxe edition they will also assist your social media campaign for political office!

Give it a try!  What could possibly go wrong?

Grover Cleveland was our 22nd and 24th President (1885-1889, 1893-1897).  No other president has ever served non-consecutive terms. He defeated James G. Blaine in 1884, lost to Benjamin Harrison in 1888 (despite winning the popular vote), and then came back to defeat Harrison in 1892.  Donald Trump would be the second person in history to do this should he win the next election.

There are some similarities between their situations but mostly they are nothing like each other.  Cleveland was never impeached, did not try to downplay a major pandemic costing thousands of Americans their lives, lost gracefully rather than making up a lie about a rigged election or incite a mob to march to the Capitol to overthrow the democratic process so he could remain in office. And of course the most visible difference: Cleveland was sane.

Governor Ron DeSantis doubled down on his commitment to bring permit-less gun carry to Florida.  The bill appears likely to pass.  You will soon be able, without any background check or regulation, to grab a loaded gun, slip it in a concealed holster and roam the streets.  The Florida legislature will get right to the important matter because affordable healthcare, climate change, quality education, rising poverty, hungry children and a crumbling infra-structure can wait!

Again, it doesn’t matter what political party, religion, ethnicity, phylum, class, order, genus or species you are.  If you think this is a good idea and what the authors of the Constitution had in mind when they wrote about a well-regulated militia in the second amendment, then please choose one or more of the following words to describe yourself: idiot, moron, ignoramus, doofus, nincompoop, muttonhead, blockhead, nitwit, clodpoll, ninny or dunce.

If this bill passes, please move to Florida and good luck next time some booze-soaked jerk thinks you cut him off in traffic, eyed his girlfriend’s cleavage, or took his parking spot.

Chewing gum can help you stay focused for longer on tasks that require continuous monitoring.  This is the finding of research by Kate Morgan and colleagues from Cardiff University, published in the British Journal of Psychology.

While this might be a great help if you are working alone on a task that requires your undivided attention, my research indicates that if you chew gum while talking to, or are in the presence of one or more other people, you are 50 times more likely to get punched in the face based on this offensive and incredibly annoying habit.

Publish that in your freakin’ journal Kate!

F. Scott Fitzgerald, whose full name is Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald was named after his distant relative Francis Scott Key, who wrote the words to “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
F. Michael Berman, (that’s me for those among you who are, perhaps, less perceptive), has the same first initial and middle name of F, Michael Higginbotham, the Wilson H. Elkins Professor of Law at the University of Baltimore School of Law. He is the author of Race Law: Cases, Commentary, and Questions, a copy of which costs $137.10 and a deluxe hardbound edition of F. Scotts The Great Gatsby goes for $15.39. 

By using single copy price on Amazon.com as a measure of writing skill one can surmise that my namesake is the superior author, so I win.
(Wow, I just reread this whole post and it makes no sense whatsoever…I’m going with it anyway).

Side Note: In his book Ghosts of Jim Crow, F. Michael Higginbotham argues that despite Barack Obama’s election win, we’re far from that imagined equality utopia.  Indeed, the shadows of Jim Crow era laws and attitudes continue to perpetuate systemic prejudice and racism in the 21st century.  When I read this I dashed off a note to my name doppelganger:
     Dear Professor Higginbotham:
          No, duh!
     F. Michael B

Linda and I have dear friends all over the world and have done a lot of travelling, more recently to Ireland and England.  Being a pretentious clown, a title I wear proudly, I have taken to adopting some of their colorful colloquial expressions as my own.  Here are just three examples:

-Tickety-Boo: “I am having a wonderful day.  Hope all is tickety-boo with you too!”  You can’t say those words without smiling.

-You’re Not Wrong: This phrase I learned in Ireland is to tell someone they are correct by using a double-negative. It caresses the ear like a lyrical refrain from a jaunty Irish tune. “You’re not wrong, mate!” 

-Bob’s Your Uncle: The perfect way to say the plans you have will no doubt produce the desired outcome.  ” We will invite them over for dinner, pour a lot of wine, praise their generosity, ask for the loan, they’ll say yes and boom, Bob’s your uncle!”  
This last one is more problematic because I have a brother Bob.  Very confusing to me!   I tried changing it to “Myron’s your uncle” but it never caught on.

Oh well…?  I guess I threw a spanner in the works and made a dog’s dinner out of this post. I lost the plot, producing pure codswollop.  Perhaps, as an honorary Scouser, when I return to Blighty this bit of faff will be forgiven.

Yep…Pretentious!

We have not had a major innovation in the pursuit of couch potato-ism since the invention of the remote control whereby you no longer had to make the gargantuan effort to get up and hike the 6 paces to the television for the purpose of changing the channel. 
Thanks to ROKU ingenuity we now have voice-activated remotes and no longer have to waste time, energy and natural resources to press the buttons.

I think we might be seeing Roku engineers in Oslo next year.  This might be the key to ending war and hunger forever!

In my quest to explain the mysteries of the Universe I have come up with an insightful question.  Off the top of your head, if you had to give up one of these parts of your brain, which would it be?

1.  The Cerebrum, among other things it controls speech, thought, emotions, reading, writing, and learning.
2.  The Cerebellum, for maintaining posture and balance.
3.  The Medulla Oblongata, the conduit for nerve signals to the body.

Hmmm.  Quite the conundrum.  Many successful people seem to make little use of the Cerebrum, but…?
Food for thought!

I read this article explaining five rules on how to create a personal uniform aka how to display your essence through a stylish and cool wardrobe.  One of the selling points was that a personal style makes your morning decision of what to wear much easier.  I can’t say that I have a reputation as a fashionista but I have been known to rock an argyle sweater and sock combo!  Still, at 72, I reasoned a word from a younger man on current trends might be helpful. 

The article has five steps but I quit after step two and am satisfied my clothes speak for me. 
Step One:  Evaluate your Lifestyle: I’m retired and I pretty much hang out with Linda and occasionally post this gibberish.
Step Two:  Start with What You Have:  I have 7 pairs of sweatpants and 14 Tee Shirts,

To Do List:  Create Personal Uniform. CHECK!