Archives for January 2023

A 12 month study published last year in The New England Journal of Medicine compared time-restricted feeding — limiting eating to an 8-hour window each day — to the more conventional daily calorie restriction diet and found no difference in the final results.  But does it have a place in the pantheon of eternal dieters?
Here is an interview with a former intermittent faster that brings clarity to the world of dieting:

Me:  Have you been on this type of restrictive diet before?
Me:  Yes, I’ve been on every diet that has ever existed.
Me:  And did any of them work?
Me:  Yes, they all did…and they all didn’t.
Me:  That’s a stupid answer!
Me:  Well that’s what you get when you ask a stupid question!
Me:  Who do you think you are talking to me like that?
Me:  Oh buzz-off butt-munch.  I’ll talk to you any way I like.
Me:  You are being paid to help these people lose weight.  Say something profound.
Me:  Eat a salad and take a walk.
Me:  I think that clears it up.  Thank you for being here.
Me:  Like I had a choice?

Stay tuned for more brilliant weight-loss tips and information; news you can use!

I don’t think I have been this distraught since Kim and Kanye broke up.  This is going to hit me in the wallet.  I think I mailed two letters last month. 
Dam Inflation!

Before all you master spellers get upset at my spelling of D-A-M, know that I am bringing awareness to a problem that we are facing in the repair of our broken infrastructure.  We need more dams and the cost to build one has risen significantly along with bread and milk.

Now don’t you feel silly? 

This from the wisest man in all of history, King Solomon (Proverbs 18:21).  Speaking badly of someone is akin to murder.

So before you say anything mean about the creepy pond scum representative who lied his way into the U.S. Congress, the reptilian sociopath that haunts Palm Beach, Florida, or the wacky q-anon psychopath rep from Georgia, stop and think… then, in these 3 cases, proceed to say the worst.  They have no reputation to harm.

Anyone else?  Give them a break.

You all know that I am a believer in the ravages of climate change and want to do everything in my power to help heal the earth.  So when I received an email today from The Climate Reality Project giving me three options to help return the world to a sustainable future, I hopped on board.  The first option was to send them money and I passed on that one before you could say “Melting ice caps!”  The second option was to sign up to be on their SMS list and be interrupted all day by the Sherwood Forest tone alert on my environmentally friendly iPhone.  I resolved to make a major positive impact by following their third suggestion, that is, demand that Sultan Ahmed Al Jaber resign from his role as CEO of the Abu Dhabi National Oil Company ahead of COP 28. 

Not quite sure what the problem is with him but if it’s this or donate money I say to the Abu Dhabi Sultan of Sweat, “Resign you profligate before I am forced to lay hands upon you. Don’t make me come down there!” 

I’d like to see him ignore that!

Do you want to increase your happiness and brag about attending Yale University (It’s not Harvard, but it beats the New Haven Jr. College for the Uninspired)?

Yale University is offering a free on-line class titled, “The Science of Well-Being.”   The course is a condensed version of the one that Dr. Laurie Santos began teaching in 2018, which quickly became the most popular class in the university’s 321-year history.   Dr. Santos told Yale News “We all are working on feeling happier and working on helping the people we care about feel happier.  We don’t always know the best ways to do it.”  This course will help.

I’d include a link to the site but if you can’t figure out how to Google it, an on-line course is probably not for you.  Just be happy you don’t have to go back to school.

     A Swedish company, LKAB, said in a press release that it uncovered more than 1 million metric tons of rare earth oxides. 
This is important for 2 reasons:
     1.  This material is essential for an array of products ranging from cellphones to wind turbines and electric car engines.
     2.  Currently China dominates the market in rare earth minerals as well as General Tso’s Chicken; two things we must have to maintain our way of life! 

     Sign the petition to establish a national holiday honoring Sweden to show our gratitude  for all they have done for America.  This is Sweden’s second significant contribution to fighting a climate change disaster; the first being activist Greta Thunberg, founder of Fridays for Future.  Additionally they have given us affordable do-it-yourself furniture that is so much fun to assemble, the Volvo,  crepes that double as pancakes, A Man Called Ove, Ingmar Bergman (eh?), savory meatballs that are the standard by which all other meatballs are judged, Lisbeth Salander, Malin Akerman and Alicia Vikander.  We owe them Big Time!

Tack så mycket, Sverige!

A standard suggestion to those seeking more understanding and happiness out of life was to start a daily journal.  The thought was that keeping a diary or journal will get you in touch with your feelings and allow you a form of self-expression.  Now some researchers feel that the stress of having to come up with something to write on a daily basis can create unwanted stress and go as far as interfering with your sleep cycle; the result being the opposite of happiness.  

I admittedly do not have an advanced degree in psychology or any medical subject. I have come up with a sure-fire way to increase happiness through a journal.  So if I need an advanced degree to increase my credibility I can do what so many have done; buy one on the internet.  For now let me share this gem backed only my imaginary street cred.

Buy a journal and pen placing theme them on your night stand, hall tree or kitchen table.  Each morning, as you start your day, flip it off saying “suck on this journal, nobody but me controls my day,” and then go about your business.

Ahh, Sweet Freedom!

In 2003 AP News reported that an airline in southwestern China has paid $282,000 for the phone number 88888888.  In recent years it has been rumored that a casino paid upwards of $1 Million for an all 8s number.  As you may have figured out 8 is a lucky number in Asia.

The Good news is our youngest son is 45 years old today and he is a wonderful person with an amazing attitude.
The Bad news is our youngest son is 45 years old…with two older brothers.  What better way to tell us “You’re old!”

All you youngsters with small children, you will be here someday.  But don’t worry, they say the 70’s are the new 50’s.  I hope to find out who they are and question their sanity.

That’s not the World Wide Web.  I am referring to the web of a Jorō spider, a large arachnid known for spinning large, strong webs.  Spider silk is amazingly resilient; up to five times stronger than steel.
On September 13, naturalist and garden expert Arty Schronce made a remarkable observation from his Atlanta kitchen window.  National Geographic reports that Schronce saw a cardinal perched comfortably on a strand of a giant, golden spider web feasting on some of the insects caught in the web.  

Million Dollar Idea: We import one of those spiders the size of a Volkswagen from the Amazon (The Amazon from South America, not Ripoffs-ville) and have him spin a giant web in the East Village or SoHo.  Those people will eat anywhere if it’s “Trendy.”   We’ll serve a “Catch of the Day” (Yum) and even throw in a head of cabbage or kale for vegans; you know, the people who only eat meat when no one is looking.  Patrons can perch on the web and have a unique dining experience. (Still need to figure on where to keep the spider so they don’t dine on the customers…small matter).

I’m looking for investors; Are you intrigued?