Archives for 2023

I was thinking about how to describe this difficult year, selfishly thinking only about myself.  A series of Firsts:

• First time spending the night in a hospital (intensive care was a bonus!)
• First time having two nurses intimately examine me looking for the wound/source of a bacterial infection (not the good time you may have imagined).
• Second time spending the night in a hospital.
• First humiliating fall in a public place. (That’s a lie about it being my first fall but it’s the first one I’ll admit to).
• First need for a cane.
• First failed attempt at a C-PAP machine; or as I call it “Claustrophobia in a box.”
• Worst of all the sickening prospect that Adolph Trump might be re-elected.; “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

But there were many highlights as well:

• A short but wonderful visit from dear friends from the Philippines.
• Visits to and from our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
• Linda and I are nearing 50 years of a fairytale romance and  life with my best friend.
• My cousin catching and supplying me with shad roe so Linda could recreate Nero Wolfe’s favorite Dish (a story for another time).
• Family dinners and a wedding.
• My modest investments combined with Social Security sustained us for another year of retirement.
• And remarkably, perhaps the best thing, I am still here!

So before you dismiss 2023 be grateful for the glass being almost full and celebrate friends and family and if you want to end the year with one final act of largess I want you to know I do accept Zelle and wire transfers.  It’s so much nicer to give than receive.  You’re welcome!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

The story goes that in 1959 screenwriter George Seaton visited character actor Edmund Gwenn as he lay on his deathbed.  Seaton, apparently at a loss for words came up with the brilliant statement “this must be terribly difficult for you.”   Gwenn replied, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”

Maybe so, but this is one time I am not taking the easy way out.  When the time comes and I hear the voice telling me to go into the light, I’ll go right into my comedy routine;  “A Priest, a Rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar…” I got a million of the folks! 

Don’t forget to tip your waitress.  I’ll be here all week…I hope!

JOYFUL: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness is the title of a wonderful book by designer Ingrid Fetell Lee. 

Lee has dedicated her career to exploring what she calls “The aesthetics of joy.”    She first became interested in the emotions that certain colors, shapes, and other physical attributes evoke while earning her master’s in industrial design at the Pratt Institute.  Her insights on creating a living space that fosters joy and creativity got me to thinking about how most of our happiness is derived from the simple things in life; that crazy little thing called love, warmth from a hug, lending a helping hand, a call from a grandchild, a kindness to strangers.  Even simpler the soft melody of a lark in spring, a song played on a solo saxophone, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, red roses for a blue lady or the ethereal clink of a prison cell slamming shut behind a traitorous sociopath with a bad comb-over finally getting the justice he so richly deserves.

Perhaps my list of joy needs a little editing?

In this world of double-digit inflation in part a result of rising food prices, one thing has gone down in price: EGGNOG!

So if you are among the select group of bowling alley patrons, trailer park dwellers and chain smokers with fried taste buds that find a mushy glass of cloyingly sweet reconstituted cow juice and chicken eggs to your liking, you will be ecstatic to hear that the price of eggnog has decreased this year.  

I do find eggnog can be very useful.  If I have ingested poison, run out of Syrup of Ipecac and sticking my finger down my throat is not enough to get the desired result, a small swig of eggnog will immediately produce a regurgitation of epic proportions.

Are you catching my drift?  Have I been too subtle?  I do not care for eggnog.

If you did not overspend, “Good for you!”
If you did overspend giving Christmas gifts take some time for self-reflection and ask three questions:
“Was it worth it?”  Did I need to do it?”  “Does anyone give a rat’s ass?”
For the slower among you the answers are no, no and hell no!
Hey, it’s only money and you still have that 295,000,000 to 1 shot at winning the lottery…

HOPE LIVES!   (Although currently on life-support)

I received an email from Joanne today inviting me to click a link to view a confidential pdf file on OneDrive.  The paper’s theme is reported to be “Get your confidence back in the bedroom.”  While following a link from an unsolicited communication is always an exciting prospect without any risk whatsoever, I resisted the temptation as I have as much confidence in the bedroom as I do in any room of the house; unless it was the rare occasion when there was a girl in the room with me.

(Of course I was referencing a time 50 years ago before I met Linda and was able to let myself go.)

The email, however, did share the important information that you can access your files from anywhere and never miss an update with the OneDrive app.  Yeah, like I’d fall for that!

Let’s just remember Christmas is not about extravagant presents and rich food.  It is someone’s birthday today; a person who put kindness and forgiveness above all other things: Humphrey Bogart! (Among others)

“Here’s looking at you Kid!”

Linda and I always watch “A Christmas Carol.”  But what version?  The story has been filmed multiple times but there are only two versions worth your time.

• The 1938 film starring Reginald Owen as Scrooge.  This takes a few liberties with the story to keep it lighter
• The 1951 film starring Alistair Sim as Scrooge.  This version is closer to the story as written by Charles Dickens but both are good representations.

Charles Dickens wrote the perfect metaphor for today’s business environment.  A successful businessman keeps building his wealth with little regard for those in need.  All that’s missing in our modern day story is three Spirits to show them the error of their greedy ways.  

I would be glad to take the spirits place; that is, show them the error of their ways.  For a fee, of course.

It’s all about taxes.  For example, if your divorce becomes final on December 30th you will have to pay your taxes as a single for the entire year, losing the lower rate of a married couple filing jointly.

You put up with the lying, cheating scumbag for this long so wait until January 1st to kick the poltroon out!  Or wait until January 2nd when your hangover eases a bit.

“The northern hairy-nosed wombat or yaminon is one of three extant species of Australian marsupials known as wombats. It is one of the rarest land mammals in the world and is critically endangered.  The sighting in Georgia gave scientists hope for a recovery but on further examination it appears it may have Marjorie Taylor Green on her way to her bi-weekly waxing.

I should be ashamed.  I spend so much time railing against lying and name-calling politicians and then I stoop to their level.  The difference being I am not a public servant and don’t get paid taxpayer money.  Still, it was wrong and I need to make it right.
           ” I sincerely apologize for comparing you to such an odious and hate-filled creature.”
If somebody spots the Wombat would you please ask if it will accept my apology?