Archives for 2022

Another helpful article from the AARP, guru to the senior generation.  The article goes on about prolonged exposure to the sun, drinking through straws, smoking, blah, blah, healthy life style (too late for me), etc.  In reality it’s about aging.

“Aging is a complex process,” says Shilpi Khetarpal, M.D., a dermatologist at Cleveland Clinic. “There are various intrinsic and extrinsic factors that control how we age.”

Take the Quiz: What is the number one factor when it comes premature aging?

1. Huge Lottery Jackpots won by strangers.
2. Hillary sneaking in and taking our guns.
3. Dick bosses.
4. Adult children moving home.
5. Free radicals
6. Creditors that insist on being repaid.
7. Eating hot dogs from a 7-11.
8. All the above.

 

Is it cause for worry, for joy or perhaps indifference?  Depends on what type of massage parlor it is.  

• Therapeutic: Located in the clinic of a chiropractor or sports medicine doctor; its goal the healing of an injury. Boring.
• Acupressure: An ancient healing art that uses the fingers to press key points on the surface of the skin to stimulate the body’s natural self-curative abilities. Might actually work if the masseuse was trained by an ancient healer in the Kunlun Mountains of Tibet.
• Shiatsu: Developed in Japan, shiatsu is a finger-pressure technique utilizing traditional acupuncture points. Similar to acupressure, shiatsu concentrates on unblocking the flow of life energy and restoring balance in the meridians and organs in order to promote self-healing.  Also the answer to the question “What happened to Sue?”  “I shiatsu!”  (A bit of a reach but at least I tried!)
• Hot Stone:  Warms pressure points but also great for extracting information from international spies and double agents.
• Swedish:  One of the most commonly taught and well-known massage techniques, Swedish massage is a vigorous system of treatment designed to energize the body by stimulating circulation. Not to be confused with just a “Massage” by a hot blond from Sweden.  There are 5 basic strokes in Swedish massage, but most of us are done by #3.
• 24 Hour Massage No Waiting:  Usually off a main street with a small neon sign blinking in the window.  Highly skilled masseuses are able to adjust each session to the very special needs of their clients…so I’m told.

Regardless of the style, all massages share the same lofty goal; an ending that is HAPPY!

I guess since I am neither Black nor a month I am not the go to expert on Black History.  But as an American and a human being I might suggest that we start by telling and teaching the truth in schools so we may celebrate a people who are still fighting to overcome incredible injustices to enjoy the promise of our nation.

You remember the truth?  That thing that died with the Oath of Office on January 20, 2017.

I have spotlighted the AARP many times for their invaluable guidance to us old codgers in navigating a rapidly changing and youth worshipping world.  I received their publication noted above: “The ABCs of ADUs.”  An Accessory Dwelling Unit (ADU) is a way to house additional people separately but in an existing home or on the same property with that home.

An ADU can be a free-standing unit on the property or attached to the home, over the garage or in a basement.  The only requirement is that it have its own entrance, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom…or two bathrooms…minimum.  You can provide housing for parents, relatives or ne’er-do-well millennials as they inevitably return home to “spend some ‘me-time’ and save for my own place.”  And while waiting for permanent residents you can generate extra cash renting it out.

So for you visionaries with an entrepreneurial spirit I would like to offer Linda and myself as initial occupants of the dwelling.  We have modest needs and would not expect to be paid a salary, free rent is sufficient.  We only require a minimum 2 year agreement and would happily provide value in a myriad of ways.  Without complaint I will drink your excess beer; see that there are no leftovers going bad in your refrigerator; scan your cable channels and compose a suggested viewing schedule; provide sparkling conversation and witty patter at all your parties and wear pants whenever in public. 
Let me know and no need to thank me.  The rolling of your eyes and shaking of your head is thanks enough.

In the classic 1878 novel “Anna Karenina,” Leo Tolstoy reminds us there are always ups and downs in life; expecting perfection will inevitably lead to disappointment. Things are not black and white, but messy shades of gray. Once we can accept the nuance and complexity of our existence, we can come to appreciate the good while taking the difficult in stride.

Hopefully this message is not lost on you.  You must understand I don’t start every morning as the perfect person with whom you are familiar.  I may have misapplied my makeup, chosen the wrong blouse or forgotten to comb my hair.  My ill-humor might mask a deeply rooted problem; perhaps I ran out of milk for my fiber-rich cereal or misplaced my loofah.  A zit on the face of a septuagenarian is not just a “pop & go” blemish; it requires ointment.  Each day I face new, seemingly insurmountable challenges.

So before you judge me, walk a mile in my bunny slippers.

If you are 60 years or older you will say this or if you encounter one of us older curmudgeons at home, in the office or in the safely distanced line at Starbucks you will hear the following the following: “Can you believe it’s February already? ” and “It goes by faster every year!”  And you can expect a variation every month through December when you will be treated to “Where did the year go?”  

It’s not really a whine but more of an expression of gratitude that we are still here!

This passage resonated with me so join the feast (unless you are rich)!  

^“12…When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. ¹³ But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. ¹⁴ And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you…”  – Luke 14:12

Come as you are, bring nothing, doggie bags provided.

In an issue of Personality and Individual Differences, a study was published that confirms what we all suspected: Internet trolls are horrible people.  An Internet troll is someone who starts or comes into a discussion and posts comments designed to upset or disrupt the conversation, or are used, as in the case of one comb-over toting ex-president who shall remain anonymous, to foster his lies and misinformation.

BUT what about trolls in disguise…say…a highly intelligent philanthropist who spouts his venom in a personal website like this one to mask his vitriolic comments in the guise of entertainment?  I think we can all agree that person is really cool and deserving of your love and support; emotional and financial!

     For we fans of Joni Mitchell (Blue still one of my favorite albums) and Neil Young  (actually preferred him as part of CSNY) I am happy to see them supporting each other in the fight against Spotify, whatever that is. I hear it has something to do with an “alleged” douchebag named Joe Rogan, the emcee of that horrible old reality TV show Fear Factor, a show so stupid it is actually compared to the show considered to be the benchmark of stupidity, KUWTK.
     Thank you Joni and Neil!  Keep the fight going for whatever it is your fighting about!  It is so important, I guess.

 My friends at the AARP are at it again,  helping us septuagenarians by instructing us on how to live and what things to keep.  I read this article with great anticipation as Linda and I are starting Spring Cleaning early and donating unwanted items. Expecting some deep insights I was disappointed by the generalities in the following list:

1. Books
2. Electronics 
3. Medical Supplies
4. Furniture 
5. Clothing 
6. Vehicles

If I donated all of that I would be left a box of “Hot Pockets” and $12.00 in change.  I’ll pass on this advice!**
**(Editor’s Note:  While the article might not have suggested giving away every item in your house under those 6 categories, we must remember Fred is a Baby Boomer, a wonderful generation known by their penchant for taking things literally).