Archives for 2022

I know what you are thinking.  “Why is it not spelled F-e-b-u-a-r-y?”  What is with the extra “R?”  Stupid spelling aside it is a momentous date in history.  On February 16, 1926, Archeologist Howard Carter entered the sealed burial chamber of King Tutankhamen in Thebes, Egypt.  The world has never been the same.

It is now believed that the unsealing of this tomb unleashed upon the world countless evil spirits that have ravaged civilized society.  Not only have they, in the past, tried to help those in need, created the Democratic Party and sought peace through negotiation, but continue to wreak havoc today.  The latest is the most horrendous act of all; the stealing of the 2020 U.S. Presidential Elections.  The much sought after evidence has finally been presented and scientifically verified by some of the greatest intellectuals of our time including disgraced former human Rudy Giewliani, Myke the silly pillow guy, PlaceMatt “Point me to the high school prom” Goatz, Tucker “the court found you are an idiot if you believe me” Curlson and loose cannon Marjoram Traitor Greene.

Glad I could clear that up for you.

I see there is a big debate between Philippine Presidential candidates Tuesday so it might be a good time, (probably not), for someone who has no idea what he is talking about to weigh in.

First a disclaimer:  It has been 15 years since Linda and I lived in The Philippines and 8 years since I have visited.  I do have many dear friends I consider family living there but my knowledge of their current politics is about the same as my knowledge of laser brain surgery.  But never to be one to be afraid to stick his nose in where it does NOT belong, I will press on.
Following is an assessment of the current candidates based on…on…Nothing really.

• Lenny Robredo – Vice President:  Once again The Philippines are ahead of the USA in yet another aspect.  Three women have served as President of the Philippines. I am not sure about her governing skills but she is VP and seems to have been more than competent  And wouldn’t you much rather see her picture on the front page of The Manila Bulletin every morning in place of the current President?
• Ernesto Abella – Former Presidential Spokesperson:  Not sure how it works in The Philippines but in America the title “Presidential Spokesperson” translates to “lying sack of baloney.”  In the USA, however, you are rewarded for that. Three of the previous Liar-in-Chief’s spokespersons have done OK.  One got on “Dancing with the Stars,” one got a job with Fox News where lying is #1 on list of applicable skills and one is running for Governor of Arkansas.
• Leody de Guzman – Chairman of the Bukluran ng Manggagawang Pilipino and founding member of Partido ng Manggagawa.  That is what we call a “Mouthful!”  I give him points for being able to pronounce all that but what it has to do with being President I have no idea.
• Norberto Gonzalez – Former Secretary of National Defense.  With China building islands in the South China Sea and trying to muscle in on your fishing territories you need someone tough.  If his Philippine Democratic Socialist Party is truly interested in seeing help actually filters through to the people who need it the most, he might be worth considering.
• Senator Panfilo Lacson – Incumbent Senator.  Again, I don’t know how it works there but here being an incumbent congressperson is not always a plus.  Most are more interested in retaining power than governing a nation.  But I do love the name “Panfilo.”
• Former Senator Bongbong Marcos: Winner of the “Coolest Named Candidate” award.  One wonders how he got a 2-bong name.  I imagine he was in college at a wild frat party and a friend yelled “Hey, pass me the Bong…Bong!” and the name stuck.
• Mayor Isko Moreno – Mayor of Manila.  That is no small job.  With 13,000,000 people including an influx of up to 2,000,000 workers a day it is an impossible job.  Better leave him there.  He would be bored as President.
• Senator Manny Pacquiao – Is there any question as to the best choice?  I sat with friends in the theater at The Shangri-La Mall on December 6, 2008 and cheered while PacMan turned Oscar De la Hoya into guava jelly in 8 punishing rounds. Let’s start a wave and raise our voices: MANNY-MANNY-MANNY!

I hope I did not leave anyone out but since I have no real insights to share, it doesn’t matter!  I am sure you will all make the right decision; or not.

When asked what I am doing for Linda for Valentine’s Day I usually lie with the response, “Long Stem Roses and a box of See’s Chocolates.” It is said to make a lie more believable add detail, thus the See’s Candy reference which, by the way, any intelligent adult will tell you is, by far, the best.  My response invariably gets the thumbs up and a smile. 
I used to tell the truth but it got to be too time-consuming and I’d get the “what a jerk” stare. Early in our now approaching 50 year relationship Linda let me know that while she loves receiving gifts she only likes them when given out of love rather than a retail marketing driven holiday like Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day or Secular Christmas and Chanukah, (the notable exception is Birthday’s which are always to be celebrated). We give each other many more gifts than holidays dictate.

So if you love to celebrate with gifts on the days “The Man” tells you to I say “Enjoy!  I respect your right to choose.”  But if you like the idea of randomly buying gifts for the simple reason you care for someone and know that they would enjoy it, remember this.  See’s Candy is always appropriate!

I guess I was born without the manly professional sports enthusiast gene in my DNA.  I  know more about Broadway musicals than football and could not care less about the game or pro sports in general.  I suppose if I had to I would follow the Chicago Bears and Cubs since I am from Chicago, but it is hard to build hometown loyalty when the team consists of prima donnas who pedaled their talents on the open market and went with the highest bidder.  So everyone, please enjoy your mindless entertainment, blow the milk money on buying a square in the pool and loosen your belt to down that 7 bean Dip and IPA.  But don’t bother me with your momentary juvenile distraction from the real problems facing the world.

Don’t bother me, that is, unless you want to give me 7 1/2 points and take a C-note on the Rams.

When I first touched a toe in The Philippines in 2004, I was surprised by how far ahead they were in the switch from videotape to DVDs.  We were still selling both in the United States so I had brought boxes of video cassettes for training.  I was surprised there were no VHS machines for sale in the country.  I had to buy a used machine off of one of our new salespeople to start the classes.  But that was only one of the many advances and innovations I was to discover over the years, (stories for another time).
It wasn’t until 2016, however, I learned of their unfailing prognosticator of Presidential Election results: The 7-Eleven paper cup poll.  All the candidates for office get their name and picture on a cup.  When you go in to buy a soda you pick the cup of your favorite candidate.  There is also an undecided cup.  Each cup has its own barcode.  7-Eleven keeps a tally and publishes the results which, to-date, have never failed.

Below is a picture of my collection; 6 unused cups in pristine condition.  The candidates were Jejomar Binay, Rodrigo Duterte (Spoiler Alert, Mr. Duterte won), Mar Roxas, Grace Poe (No relation to Edgar Allan…or is there?), Miriam Defensor Santiago, and the mysterious “Undecided.”   I actually paid for six drinks just to get the cups but it seems that my investment was very wise indeed.  I am offering them for sale for $1,000,000 or PHP 1,000,000;  whatever, I just want a million of something.

Now I know that sounds like a ridiculously inflated price, but if your President is anything like our last President he would gladly pay a million dollars for a picture of himself!

Small group tour operator Odyssey Unlimited offers the following:
“Our newest small group tour, A Civil Rights Journey, tells of the epic (and still ongoing) story of the American Civil Rights movement, tracing a path from Memphis, through Birmingham, Selma, and Montgomery, and into Atlanta.”

Truly brave of them to admit the struggle for civil rights is still on-going.  Didn’t the marketing department realize they risk offending the nazis, racists, politicians, inbred morons and residents of Palm Beach?  

Very, very Brave.  Kudos!

Time to Get Off the Fence and Commit.  Apparently living life in public has rendered Ms. K unable to make life changing decisions on her own.  The ones she does make, like what to wear, usually turn out to be epic fails.  So help a sister out and choose for her:

1. Cute, cuddly, funny and endearingly damaged Pete, or
2. Ruggedly handsome father to her children; egomaniacal, inexplicably conservative but not without talent…(meh), Ye?

I’m weighing in on the side of Who Gives a Flying Flock? 

That is the question as states begin to roll back mask mandates now that new Omicron cases are down 43% this week.  I guess it never occurred to anyone maybe it’s because we have worn masks?

This question was one of 36 that Rabbi and marriage counselor Ari Sytner suggests married couples ask each other in order to achieve greater intimacy and harmony.  Although some are specifically directed to Jewish couples they are all applicable to everyone by simply removing the word Jewish and inserting your belief system.  Take religion out of the equation and answer in a secular manner.

My first thought is simple: 1. “He was so kind.”  2. “He was so generous.” 3. “He was so funny!”
On second thought maybe:  1. “Who knew he had millions of dollars?”  2. How could someone that handsome be that smart?  3.  “He was so funny!”

“In my business you never cut funny.”  King Kaiser to Boss Hijack in “My Favorite Year”

Facebook stock dropped over 20% in one day.
But that’s not the cause for concern.  The real horror is that Mark Zuckerberg himself lost about 31 billion dollars,  dropping his net worth significantly.  He is down to his last 91 billion dollars.
Should we start a GoFundMe page for him?  Yachts, mansions and Beluga don’t grow on trees!