Archives for 2022

Now when you go there to get your $5.00 Rotisserie Chicken and $1.50 Hot Dog you can also buy a ticket to the U.S. Virgin Islands, one of the few remaining places in the United States where there is no Costco.
Go soon as I am sure Costco plans to take their virginity very soon.

The subject line of today’s email from State Farm Insurance.  Hold on to your hats folks because they blew me away with their earth-shattering idea: “Go Paperless!”  Look what else they have figured out:
“Paperless is the fastest way to get your bill, your renewal or other information about your account – no waiting! And you’ll help us take better care of the planet we share.”

Cutting edge research here.  I wonder if anybody has nominated them for the Nobel Prize in Science.  Next thing you know they’ll discover vaccines stem pandemics and reduction of carbon emissions slows climate change. 

You possibly detected a note of sarcasm here but even though it may be in the fourth quarter, I am happy they finally arrived at the game!

“Money is a renewable resource; you can always create more.”  That’s my mantra as I watch my retirement “nest egg” dwindle to barely enough to cover dinner and a movie, if it’s McDonalds and a Red Box rental.
This must feel the same as Elon Mush would if he were to lose $250 Billion.

But it’s okay.  Food is overrated and I need to lose a few pounds anyway.

In keeping with town tradition anyone can be mayor for a day.   Today, April 24th, Jinx, a cat with 735,000 followers on TikTok and 400,000 on Instagram, is the mayor of Hell, Michigan. This is the first time a cat has been named Mayor.

The most surprising thing is not Jinx becoming mayor.  The idea I cannot wrap my head around is that Hell is a small town about 20 miles northwest of Ann Arbor.  I felt certain it is a garish Palm Beach, Florida golf resort populated by serial narcissists.  
Maybe there are two?

“…But I can give you a recipe for failure: try to please everybody.” Frank Langella.  Wise words from one of America’s greatest stage and screen actors and the creepiest Count Dracula since Bela Lugosi.  After a lifetime in the spotlight, he shared this important lesson: “You should live your life as you wish.”

After a life off the radar screen, I can’t give you either of those recipes, but I can supply one for Haggis.  Some say it’s an acquired taste, but if you are not Hannibal Lecter, or were not born and raised in Scotland, you might, like much maligned Count Dracula, find it a bity other- worldly.

• 1 sheep’s stomach, rinsed and soaked in salt water.
• Heart and lungs of one lamb.
• 450g/1lb beef or lamb trimmings, fat and lean.
• 2 Onions finely chopped.
• 225g/8oz Oatmeal.
• 1 tsp each salt, black pepper, coriander, mace, nutmeg.
• Water, enough to cook the haggis.
• Stock from lungs and trimmings.
  YUM!

The theme of World Earth Day 2022 is “Invest In our Planet” calling for businesses to shift towards sustainable practices.  Thinking humans with a heart hope this movement will prompt the business and political focus to change to one that encourages everyone to take action on the climate.

Miracles Happen.  I once had a man that had nothing in his hands, out of thin air produced a quarter from my ear.  Saving our planet should be a breeze! 

 

Fairy bread is a favorite treat Down Under, especially for kids. It starts with a slice of white bread spread with butter; then, you add “hundreds and thousands,” which is the local’s term for sprinkles. Since it was created in the 1920s, fairy bread has been a mainstay at children’s birthday parties in New Zealand and Australia.

In other parts of the world astonishing discoveries regarding the efficacy of Fairy Bread have been made.
For Example:

• Reports from Smurf Village deep in the forest detail the rich, blue sheen attained by regular consumers of Fairy Bread.
• Quarterly earnings from Tinker Bell’s Fairy Bread Bakery in Neverland reached an all-time high in Q1 after reaching an agreement with Wendy, John and Michael Darling to tout the medicinal qualities back home in Kensington.
• Although Plankton keeps trying to steal it to serve at “The Chum Bucket,” the recipe for Mr. Krab’s version of this miracle food remains a secret.  The “Krabby Patty on Fairy Bread” is the number one seller at Sponge Bob’s favorite eatery The Krusty Krab.

For all you non-believers, get over it.  This is science!

Here’s how it works:
    You pick a word that is near and dear to your heart.  The App then picks 3 songs with a word of the same syllable count and plays the music like a Karaoke Machine and you sing along melting away cares and worries!  Fun for all ages!

My favorite word:  Non-Fungible 
Sung to the tune of:

• “The Impossible Dream” from “Man of La Mancha.”   “To dream the non-fungible dream…”
• “Impossible” by Perry Como:   “Non-fungible to ask a baby not to cry it’s just non-fungible..”
• “All of the Lights” Kanye West Ft. Rihanna & Alicia: “Fast cars, shooting stars, non-fun-gi-ble!”

The hottest app in the store…or will be as soon as I invent it!

Michael Corleone was not at all happy with the fact Moe Greene threw his brother Fredo a beating on the floor of the Tropigala Casino in Vegas.  But even Fredo understood and tried to mend fences acknowledging that Moe had good reason.  As Moe told it “Fredo was Bangin’ cocktail waitresses 2 at a time; customers couldn’t get a drink!”

Fredo wasn’t alone.  Luke Jackson, aka “Cool Hand Luke” took several beatings at Road Prison 36 and Andy Dufresne was assaulted regularly by “The Sisters” in Shawshank Prison.  Strangely it made them feel as if they had some control in their lives.  Thousands of beatings are taken daily for thousands of different reasons.

For what cause or reason would you to take a beating?

According to The Daily Digest Easter basket prices are skyrocketing!  From chocolate bunnies to jelly beans, the average cost of an Easter basket is now $61.83 — a more than 22% increase from spring 2019.
This is due to the 8.5% inflation rate causing a rise in the cost of raw materials such as the ingredients to make candy, higher gas prices to transport the candy to stores, and supply chain issues compounding the problem.

I guess the unfortunate Christians in the lower income levels are going to have to be satisfied with celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus and forgo the sugar high that the wealthy class of all religions enjoy.  Sad.