Archives for October 2022

I received this email but didn’t even bother to open it.  I am not going to throw away a bunch of money on useless gum care equipment. 
I have a little dish on my nightstand.   I put my gum in it when I go to bed at night and it’s right there when I wake up in the morning, all ready for another day of chewing.

How could they possibly improve on that?

Listening to the chirps and trills of birds can decrease anxiety and paranoia.   A new study published October 13th in Germany tested the effects of birdsong and traffic noise on 295 randomly selected participants.  “Participants performed cognitive tests and filled out questionnaires assessing mental health before and after the experiment. The researchers found that traffic sounds caused higher levels of depressive states, whereas birdsong lowered levels of anxiety and paranoia in healthy participants.”

Kind of makes me regret last night’s dinner choice of Blue Jays and Magpies.  Next time I’ll go with the pigeons.

Why is this fabulous news?  Because in 2023 you may get to keep more of your hard earned cash!  
This tax year, 2022, if you are married filing jointly and your Adjusted Gross Income is over $648,850, you will have to pay 37% in income taxes.  In 2023 if you make the same amount you will only have to pay 35%.  The  37% does not kick in until $693,750.

It’s a dream come true.

On October 18, 1867, after purchasing the territory from Russia for $7.2 million, or less than two cents an acre, America took possession of the territory.  Russia wanted to sell its Alaska territory, which was remote and difficult to defend, to the U.S. rather than risk losing it in battle with a rival such as Great Britain or The Grand Duchy of Fenwick.  The American public believed the land to be barren and worthless and dubbed the purchase “Seward’s Folly” and “Andrew Johnson’s Polar Bear Garden,”

Do you suppose if President Andrew Johnson and Secretary of State William Henry Seward imagined the territory would facilitate the political rise of Sarah Palin they would have gone through with the deal?

Think about it.  Everything we hear from any nation’s capital, tells us to be afraid.  That’s how numbskulls maintain power.

Think of how nice life can be if for one day you accept the following facts:

• You don’t have or need a gun.  You will not shoot anyone or get shot.
• Anything can happen but you know that nothing will.
• There are no rapists or murderers crossing the border to come for you.
• The store may run out of Charmin Extra-Soft but you will always find toilet paper.
• Democrats are not a cabal of satanic cannibalistic pedophiles.
• All Republicans are not a cabal of misogynistic neo-nazis focused on self-enrichment. 
• Everyone regardless of race, creed, color, gender identity, or socioeconomic status deserves the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Of course with about 7 billion people on earth bad things will happen.  But living your life to protect yourself from every remote danger is not the way to happiness or enlightenment.  For that you need to listen to me and do exactly as I say…or who knows what might happen!

 October 16th, National Dictionary Day honoring the birth of Noah Webster in 1758. The writer and textbook publisher is best known for the modern Merriam-Webster dictionary, which was first printed in 1828 under a different name: An American Dictionary of the English Language.  There are celebrations planned around the country by many different groups:

• Democrats will use all the big words and then do nothing.
• Republicans will burn the blasphemous books in blazing bonfires.
• The droid from Georgia’s 14th district will boycott any celebration as she believes there is only one good book; “Mein Kampf.”
• The Bevis doppelganger in Florida will look up the word “Pedophile.”
• An ex-president will continue his campaign to get the words “bigly” and “Yooge” added.

And, as always, life will go on.

Saturday; think about it.  Saturday means different things to different people.  Or does it?
What is Saturday anyway?  Perhaps one of seven 24 hour periods ancient Romans named diēs Sāturnī (“Saturn’s Day”) for the planet Saturn, which controlled the first hour of that day, according to Vettius Valens. But is that a fact?  Are you sure?  Are you sure of anything?

What if everything you thought you knew about Saturday turned out to be a lie?  What if Saturday was just a figment of your imagination or perhaps a fabrication made up by your parents to make you miss school and get assigned after-school detention so that while you suffer the intense scrutiny of  the detention monitor they can do “who knows what” between 2:30PM and 4:30 PM without fear of being interrupted by an inquisitive child?  Does any of this make sense; I mean, from an asymmetrical linear point of view? 
Speaking of asymmetry, did you know Owls have asymmetrical ears that send sounds to the brain with two slightly different signals allowing them to pinpoint the exact location of the source with hearing alone?  See?  There is always something of value to be gleaned from even the most nonsensical post…or is there?

Question everything!

     The plane is the brainchild of Sirius XM founder Martine Rothblatt and Harvard-educated engineer Kyle Clark, who joined forces to bring Rothblatt’s vision of a sustainable airplane to life. 
     One would think a successful entrepreneur and a Harvard engineer would have a little more smarts.  What were they thinking?  If you run out of charge at 30,000 feet where are you going to find a plug, Cloud 9?

Seriously, how dumb can one person be?

I read an article outlining the suggested 10 uses other than removing raspberry seeds from between your teeth.  They include cutting food, hanging pictures, replacing a shoelace, using as tinder (the fire starting kind, not the awesome app), and detaching sticky cookies from the pan.   

They seemed to have missed the most obvious alternate use.  I envision a perfect high-fashion bikini for use on the beaches in Saint-Tropez, Ipanema and Venice. (Venice California; Italy will do me no good).

Must I be the one to think of everything?

Beautiful, intricate webs are not the only things spiders may weave. Spiders may dream.  A research team led by behavioral ecologist Daniela Roessler at The University of Konstanz in Germany shows that jumping spiders (evarcha arcuata) experience a sleep-like state with muscle twitches and rapid-eye-movements (REM) similar to those observed in dreaming humans.

I can imagine what wonderous fantasies the male spiders might spin while sleeping:

• Wrapping their eight legs around Angelenidae Jolie?
• Making scrambled eggs for Mygalomorphe Gadot in the morning?
• Getting tangled up in the silk sheets with Ctenizidae Theron?
• Watching Jennifer Arachnidson arise to her “walk of shame” home?
• A brief, anonymous encounter with Marissa Tomei? (Oh, sorry, that one was all me).

So next time you encounter a spider in your home at least check if his eyes are fluttering.  If so let him finish…then crunch him.  At least he’ll go out happy!