Archives for July 2022

On July 21, 1899, Ernest Hemingway was born in Oak Park, Illinois, not far from where another literary icon was born in 1950 (modesty prohibits me saying my name).  Possibly the most over-rated writer in history, this cheap anti-Semitic hack had two things going for him that kept him from fading into the oblivion he so richly deserved;
     1.  He hated Jews and that was enough to get a substantial following of like-minded pond scum.
     2.  He wrote one of the world’s best novels; a literary masterpiece and a favorite of mine: “The Old Man and the Sea.”  For that work alone he should be remembered.  His other works have their place; under a short table leg to act as a stabilizer.

Just my opinion but I think we can all agree I am usually correct.  It’s a gift…and a curse!

“And one giant leap for mankind!”  The Apollo 11 Astronaut said these words when he first set foot on the Moon’s surface July 20, 1969.

For all you youngsters that don’t have firsthand knowledge of the time, there was a conspiracy theory advanced by fringe groups saying the landing was staged by Director Stanley Kubrick; that it never really happened.  As ridiculous as it was and with no proof, a survey estimated 20% of Americans believed the theory was highly probable.

With advances in communication and technology nothing like that conspiracy theory could ever be believed today.  Something outrageous, like believing without a shred of proof, a loser presidential candidate ranting about the election being rigged and stolen.  There simply could not be that many idiots in the world today.

Uh-Oh…

More Wisdom from The Oracle of Omaha:
“Rule No. 1 is never lose money.  Rule No. 2 is never forget Rule No. 1.”

I have always benefitted from Warren’s tips.  I immediately did the following:
      1.  Stopped carrying cash in my wallet; only in my shoe.
     2.  Repaired the holes in the pockets of all my pants.
     3.  Had my Acupuncturist leave a pin in my ear that reminds me to check the change dispenser at the supermarket checkout.

I have not lost any money since I took these precautions.  Thanks, Warren!

The Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office said the woman, whose identity has not been publicly announced, fell into a pond at the at the Boca Royale Golf and Country Club in Englewood Friday night and was attacked by an alligator.

Note to Self:  If I ever take up the silly game of golf, then find myself on a course in Florida and hit into a water hazard, just take the two-stroke penalty and move to the next hole giving wide berth to the pond.

Little did the world know that 6 years later, almost to the day, I would become sick to my stomach spinning in a tea cup on the 1 minute and 30 second Mad Tea Party ride in Fantasyland.

Good times!

Not one U.S. City in the top 20.

1. Oslo, Norway
2. Bern, Switzerland
3. Helsinki, Finland
4. Zurich, Switzerland
5. Copenhagen, Denmark
6. Geneva, Switzerland
7. Ottawa, Canada
8. Sydney, Australia
9. Stuttgart, Germany
10. Munich, Germany
11. Stockholm, Sweden
12. Melbourne, Australia
13. Amsterdam, The Netherlands
14. Tokyo, Japan
15. Leipzig, Germany
16. Vancouver, Canada
17. Auckland, New Zealand
18. Hamburg, Germany
19. Toronto, Canada
20. Frankfurt, Germany

     There are also lists for Best Cities for Mental Health and Best Countries for Social Progress.  Again no U.S. Cities in the top 20 but The United States did come in 24th on the social progress list, but the Supreme Court has set about to put an end to that!
     How about listing some things we can win at: Most School Children Murdered in Random Shootings or Most Ass-Hole Gun Nuts or Highest Percentage of Incarcerated Adults.

In July of 1916 the beaches in New Jersey were terrorized by real shark attacks. 25 Year old Charles Vansant was in 3 1/2 feet of water when a shark clamped on his leg and would not release it until he was pulled to the shore.  It was the first of many attacks which eventually ended with an elaborate netting system and shore patrols helping to quell the panic.

It was not until 2009 that the true horror of The Jersey Shore was exposed by MTV when they released into the world  Snooki, The Situation and an odious group of frightening creatures sending shockwaves throughout America no shark attack could ever match..  

What a glorious day in French history!
On July 14, 1789, Parisian revolutionaries and mutinous troops storm and dismantle the Bastille, a royal fortress and prison that had come to symbolize the tyranny of the Bourbon monarchs.

Fast forward to January 6, 2021 when a different type of insurrection took place in Washington, D.C. on Capitol Hill.  The difference being these revolutionaries were made up not of freedom seeking heroes but an unholy mix of racists, white supremacists and ignorant sheep believing a big lie told by the sitting president, a sociopathic narcissist unable to grasp reality.  Unlike the French freedom fighters at the Bastille, this man sought to undermine democracy and seat himself as dictator. 

Fortunately our bastille, aka Leavenworth Penitentiary, is still in full operation, currently housing 1503 residents.  But, to quote the nurse stationed in the morgue in episode 53 of the original Twilight Zone; “Room for one more, Honey!”

WARNING:  The following may disturb some readers, particularly those that suffer a pre-existing phobia with regard to the Phylum Chordata; Class Mammalia; Order Rodentia; specifically the Pocket Gopher; basically your everyday garden gopher. 

A new study suggests that there’s a non-human mammal that farms: the pocket gopher. “University of Florida researchers Jack Putz and Veronica Selden claim that gophers are doing something much more sophisticated with their underground tunnels than simply burrowing — they’re “employing a low-level food production system that may qualify as farming.”

So now that you have come to terms with Climate Change, Nuclear Oblivion, Democracy giving way to totalitarianism, mass shootings, dishonest politicians, the Supreme Court trampling The Constitution and problems with our healthcare and education systems, you probably thought it was smooth-sailing ahead.  But get ready for perhaps the greatest threat yet to mankind’s existence: 
                 RODENTS THAT FARM!  Coming soon to a theater near you…probably!

Last year on my Dear Wife’s Birthday I joked about telling her real age.  So this year, to make up for leading you all astray last year, I will tell you nothing but the truth:

1. Linda is ageless but at least 10 years younger than me in physical Conditioning.
2. She is an Angel sent to see that a certain old curmudgeon does not lose his way.
3. She is equal to a Michelin Starred Chef but loves grilled cheese, cold cereal and summer fruit and hates steak, lobster or any seafood except solid white albacore tuna salad.
4. She knows her way around a chocolate chip cookie!
5. She also loathes social media of any type and may not forgive me for posting this. 

But somehow we make it work!  46 years and counting!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!