Archives for June 2022

Juneteenth is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. Juneteenth marks the anniversary of the announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army General Gordon Granger on June 19, 1865, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas. (Note:  Texas slave owners probably knew about this long before but were trying to pretend they hadn’t heard).

But today is Monday, June 20th.  Since we don’t get a day off work when it falls on a Sunday we get to celebrate the end (not really) to a horrible part of the birth of our nation.  So enjoy the day off and the slight inconvenience of not receiving any mail and, for Texas republicans, go back to pretending none of this happened.

Father’s Day, as with most things that are good in this world, was originally inspired by women and Mother’s Day. 
It was in 1914 President Woodrow Wilson approved a resolution declaring Mother’s Day a holiday.  It was not until 1972, 58 years later t that Father’s Day became an officially recognized holiday when some guys petitioned Congress in what has become known as the We Too movement.

Mother’s Day is still the official “Darling Holiday” of the retail community.  On a per capita basis the amount spent for gifts and entertainment on Mother’s Day exceeds that of Father’s Day by about 54%.  Mom: a garnet pendant; Dad: argyle socks.

Sounds about right…even if I did make up the figures. But no problem.  I’ll get the “My Pillow” guy to back me up.

Yes, I now go to a trainer who specializes in helping seniors (AKA creaky old curmudgeons) improve their strength dexterity and balance. I do 60 minutes 3 times a week.  If we had used calisthenics to extract information from spies during the war it would have been 10 times as effective as waterboarding.  I’m spent halfway through the warm-ups.

But if I make it, Linda and I will be able to restart our travel plans in the fall so keep that spare bedroom or foldout couch in the den ready!  
(Aren’t you as excited about that as we are?)

In a post-covid world travel opportunities are again upon us.  But road tripping around the world comes with a unique set of difficulties, including interpreting unfamiliar road signs. I am undertaking a new responsibility, that is, I will offer my reader (or occasionally readers) travel tips that will help them navigate the treacherous path of international travel.

One problem we hear about, almost daily it seems, is interpreting road signs in Bolivia.  So when you take your upcoming trip to the South American paradise, amazingly named for a cheap American wristwatch, be aware of the “Llama Crossing” signs along the road.  You don’t want to have to fill out an accident report and be responsible for the rehab cost of the furry beast, (Is it a camel, is it a Sheep?).  Other unique animal crossing signs in  South America include sloths, monkeys, snakes, and coatis (Brazilian aardvarks).

Please feel free to ask me for other important safety tips before attempting foreign travel.  It’s all part of the service!

I read that a pest control company based in Raleigh, North Carolina, The Pest Informer is seeking American households to be their guinea pigs. “Specifically, they’re looking for five to seven homes where they can release approximately 100 cockroaches, which they’ll seek to eradicate using different types of treatments. The families who are willing to take on this difficult-to-stomach challenge will be rewarded with $2,000.”

If they do discover a humane way to rid the country useless pests perhaps it can be adapted to a much greater need; that of ridding Congress of the 535 vermin that infest our Capitol. 

Many People think CPR is only for trained professionals.  Dr. Holly Andersen, of New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center is on mission to show us that anyone, regardless of experience or certification, can save a life with hands-only CPR.  You don’t have to do mouth-to-mouth anymore!  
That is wonderful news.  Now it is possible for us guys to save the life of someone other than a beautiful woman!

I know…You didn’t think I was that guy.  Sorry to disillusion you.

     Great News as the need for more sources for clean energy grows exponentially.  Capped landfills or “Brownfields,” sites that have been closed and covered so as not to spread contaminants and toxic waste, are being transformed into clean energy hubs called at record rates across the United States.   These toxic sights are becoming solar farms called “Brightfields.”
     I propose we expand this wonderful program rapidly by not waiting for closure, but turning our countries most toxic, harmful sites into solar energy fields immediately.  We can start with Mar-a-Lago, The Texas State Capitol Building and the Fox News Studios.

Take a deep breath…just the thought makes the air seems cleaner already.

                  And we are just getting started!

             

Following are 4 Questions, not to be confused with The Four Questions asked on Passover at the Seder; we all know the answers to those!
These four will give you a window to your soul and impact your vision of the world.  So if you answer “Yes” to any of the following 4 questions please get help as you are delusional!

1. Do you really believe, without a shred of credible evidence, there was mass fraud in the last presidential election impacting the results?
2. Do you feel the intent of the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution regarding “a well-regulated militia” protects the rights of teenagers to purchase assault weapons without a background check?
3. Do you feel our government is doing all it can to see that our poorest and most vulnerable citizens have access to affordable healthcare?
4. Do you believe you can lose weight by switching your Hershey’s Chocolate for Skinny Me Zero Sugar Chocolate without changing your diet and increasing your exercise?

I’m glad I cleared that up for you.

There are experts who can tell your generation by one’s ability to identify cartoon catch-phrases.  I am not one of them but here is a sampling of the questions on the test:

Match the Cartoon Character to the Quote:

1. “Wascally Wabbit!”                                                    A.  Bugs Bunny
2. “Yabba Dabba Doo!”                                                 B.  Donnie Dump
3. “I tawt I taw a Puddy Tat!”                                      C.  Sylvester Cat
4. “What’s Up Doc?”                                                       D.  Snagglepuss
5. “I won the election!”                                                  E.  Yogi Bear
6. “Hey, Hey, Hey!”                                                          F.  Tweety Pie
7. “Heavens to Murgatroyd!”                                    G.  Elmer Fudd
8. “Sufferin’ Succotash!                                                H.  Fred Flintstone

90% and above, you are officially old!