Archives for April 2022

 I knew the signs.  I was about to go down the deep, dark emotional tunnel: the shakiness, the feelings of isolation, the inability to function in the world.  So when I started to feel the onset of that black hole, I recognized it immediately; the hate and lies.
I quickly turned off Fox News and my sanity returned.  For the sake of the world I suggest you do the same.

     When only a cracker can fill the void on a snack tray or party platter there is only one sane choice.
Bob’s Red Mill Oat Crackers set the standard for thin and crisp snacking.  Healthy?  Perhaps, but these delights have become the benchmark for quality wafers everywhere. Bob does his best to cover the wide spectrum of varying tastes by offering 4 types of these wonders.
      But what if the enormous wealth gap in our country, fueled the greed and sociopathic drive of insatiable billionaires so greatly diminishes our purchasing power that we, the economically challenged, are forced to choose only one flavor; one that must be consumable by all at our communal table?  The four from which must choose from these are:

• Classic: Plant based, made with whole grain oats.  Yum.
• Rosemary: Classic with the sweet and sultry herb titillating your tongue!
• Sesame: Classic with a delightful mix of sesame and poppy seed.
• Jalapeno: Classic with a jolt of hot pepper; Muy caliente!

Sure there are many places where we can spend our time and energy to help those less fortunate.  But where do you direct your efforts if The Oat Cracker Conundrum is your cause célèbre?  
Oh dear!  An enigma within a conundrum.  Now what?

The US pizza market is expected to reach $54B by 2023, and pizzerias need to adapt to keep up with growing demand.  Thank Heavens the first fully automated robotic pizzeria pod, the “800º GO” can assemble and cook up fresh artisanal pizza in just 3 minutes.
Low operating costs and a compact 40 sq. ft. model, 800º GO pods may double the profit margins of traditional pizzerias.

This is one bit of science even numbskull anti-vaxxers can comprehend; faster pizza delivery!
Amazing, isn’t it, this thing we call life?

Now when you go there to get your $5.00 Rotisserie Chicken and $1.50 Hot Dog you can also buy a ticket to the U.S. Virgin Islands, one of the few remaining places in the United States where there is no Costco.
Go soon as I am sure Costco plans to take their virginity very soon.

The subject line of today’s email from State Farm Insurance.  Hold on to your hats folks because they blew me away with their earth-shattering idea: “Go Paperless!”  Look what else they have figured out:
“Paperless is the fastest way to get your bill, your renewal or other information about your account – no waiting! And you’ll help us take better care of the planet we share.”

Cutting edge research here.  I wonder if anybody has nominated them for the Nobel Prize in Science.  Next thing you know they’ll discover vaccines stem pandemics and reduction of carbon emissions slows climate change. 

You possibly detected a note of sarcasm here but even though it may be in the fourth quarter, I am happy they finally arrived at the game!

“Money is a renewable resource; you can always create more.”  That’s my mantra as I watch my retirement “nest egg” dwindle to barely enough to cover dinner and a movie, if it’s McDonalds and a Red Box rental.
This must feel the same as Elon Mush would if he were to lose $250 Billion.

But it’s okay.  Food is overrated and I need to lose a few pounds anyway.

In keeping with town tradition anyone can be mayor for a day.   Today, April 24th, Jinx, a cat with 735,000 followers on TikTok and 400,000 on Instagram, is the mayor of Hell, Michigan. This is the first time a cat has been named Mayor.

The most surprising thing is not Jinx becoming mayor.  The idea I cannot wrap my head around is that Hell is a small town about 20 miles northwest of Ann Arbor.  I felt certain it is a garish Palm Beach, Florida golf resort populated by serial narcissists.  
Maybe there are two?

“…But I can give you a recipe for failure: try to please everybody.” Frank Langella.  Wise words from one of America’s greatest stage and screen actors and the creepiest Count Dracula since Bela Lugosi.  After a lifetime in the spotlight, he shared this important lesson: “You should live your life as you wish.”

After a life off the radar screen, I can’t give you either of those recipes, but I can supply one for Haggis.  Some say it’s an acquired taste, but if you are not Hannibal Lecter, or were not born and raised in Scotland, you might, like much maligned Count Dracula, find it a bity other- worldly.

• 1 sheep’s stomach, rinsed and soaked in salt water.
• Heart and lungs of one lamb.
• 450g/1lb beef or lamb trimmings, fat and lean.
• 2 Onions finely chopped.
• 225g/8oz Oatmeal.
• 1 tsp each salt, black pepper, coriander, mace, nutmeg.
• Water, enough to cook the haggis.
• Stock from lungs and trimmings.
  YUM!

The theme of World Earth Day 2022 is “Invest In our Planet” calling for businesses to shift towards sustainable practices.  Thinking humans with a heart hope this movement will prompt the business and political focus to change to one that encourages everyone to take action on the climate.

Miracles Happen.  I once had a man that had nothing in his hands, out of thin air produced a quarter from my ear.  Saving our planet should be a breeze! 

 

Fairy bread is a favorite treat Down Under, especially for kids. It starts with a slice of white bread spread with butter; then, you add “hundreds and thousands,” which is the local’s term for sprinkles. Since it was created in the 1920s, fairy bread has been a mainstay at children’s birthday parties in New Zealand and Australia.

In other parts of the world astonishing discoveries regarding the efficacy of Fairy Bread have been made.
For Example:

• Reports from Smurf Village deep in the forest detail the rich, blue sheen attained by regular consumers of Fairy Bread.
• Quarterly earnings from Tinker Bell’s Fairy Bread Bakery in Neverland reached an all-time high in Q1 after reaching an agreement with Wendy, John and Michael Darling to tout the medicinal qualities back home in Kensington.
• Although Plankton keeps trying to steal it to serve at “The Chum Bucket,” the recipe for Mr. Krab’s version of this miracle food remains a secret.  The “Krabby Patty on Fairy Bread” is the number one seller at Sponge Bob’s favorite eatery The Krusty Krab.

For all you non-believers, get over it.  This is science!